Lost
by gleechild
Summary: Chuck destroyed Blair's reputation. He doesn't realize how thoroughly until he gets a frantic call from Serena. Panic sets in. Then his worst fears are confirmed. How is he ever going to look at himself again? DARK Fic. Post 1x13. COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

"I lost Blair!"

"What?" Chuck said mildly confused, and more than a little irritated.

He was in his bed with some brunette girl he'd just picked up at the latest party. He'd made quick work of entering and leaving tonight. As soon as he saw that both Blair and Nate were there--though not together--he'd wanted to escape as quickly as possible.

He and the girl were almost out of their clothes and he'd been on his way to sweet oblivion when his cell phone started ringing. He'd been intent on ignoring it, but the caller just kept calling back each time it went to voice mail. He'd finally rolled over to grab it and answered with a "What!" when he saw that the caller was Serena.

"I lost Blair!" Serena said more desperately in the phone.

"Well go find her Serena," Chuck rolled his eyes. He didn't understand why she was calling him or what the hell this was even about. He'd had enough of Blair. She was nothing to him now.

"You don't understand!" Serena sounded like she was starting to cry. "I went to the bathroom. The line was long and when I got back she was gone!"

"Well maybe she had to go home or something," Chuck said. "Why are you even calling me?"

"Chuck! She was wasted! I was supposed to be watching her. I don't know where she is or _who she's with!_" Serena tried to make him understand.

Chuck's stomach twisted sickly.

"What are you saying Serena?" he whispered dangerously.

"Nobody will tell me anything! They all hate her! We shouldn't have even been here but she was trying to prove a point. Everybody just keeps smirking at me whenever I ask them! I think she's in trouble Chuck, I don't know what to do," Serena said, gasping around her panic.

"She's probably with Nate. Why don't you just find him? Or better yet, call her. She does have a cell phone," Chuck was trying to keep waves of panic at bay. Of course she had to be with Nate. There was no other acceptable alternative.

"He's here! He's just as wasted as she is. He can hardly walk, much less get off his ass to help me," Serena cried into the phone.

"Serena…" Chuck felt like he was about to explode.

"And I just found her cell phone on a table. Chuck, please, I need your help," Serena said, begging Chuck Bass for the second time in her life. The first time was when she came to him to get Blair to take that damn pregnancy test.

"I'll be there in ten minutes," Chuck snapped.

He closed his phone and jumped out of his bed. He started looking for his clothes.

The girl looked at him in confusion. "What?"

"The festivities are over for tonight. I have to go," Chuck said as he shoved a foot into his pants, then the other one and pulled them up quickly.

"But…" the girl said.

"Look, just leave okay?" Chuck didn't have time to waste on her. "Take a cab or something, there's cash in that drawer," nodding toward the side table. He didn't care right now if she took the entire lot of it. He had to get to that party and find Blair before anything happened to her.

He shoved his feet into his shoes as he buttoned his shirt with shaky hands.

He grabbed his coat and went running for the door before the girl could say anything else. He took the stairs down. He was in no mood to wait for the elevator.

He kept telling himself she would be okay. She was smarter than to get herself into that sort of situation. He would arrive at the party just in time to see Serena give Blair some sisterly sort of hug of relief before chewing her out for scaring her. They would both turn to laugh at him for racing to try to help her.

Except Blair was wasted…and he knew too well what guys were capable of when a girl was out of it.

He started taking the stairs faster. _Shit, Shit, Shit_… the look of devastation on her face when he'd sent her away the last time she'd come to him wouldn't leave his thoughts.

_Please Blair, please be alright. _He needed her to be okay, because anything else would destroy both of them.

* * *

He stormed into the party and quickly found Serena. She was clearly upset and questioning Kati and Is.

He raced over to her.

"Anything?" he snapped.

Serena shook her head, before turning back to Kati and Is. "Well?"

The girls were looking at each other and then back at Serena. They seemed hesitant about something.

"If you two know anything, talk. You _were_ friends with Blair," Chuck growled at them. Of course he had been the one to ruin all that. He had destroyed every relationship Blair ever had.

Kati opened her mouth hesitantly, before closing it again and looking at Is.

Chuck had enough. He reached out and grabbed Kati, yanking her toward him and glowering in her face.

"TALK!" he yelled.

"Yeah, we saw her. Some guy bought her a drink and she left with him a little while later," Kati said.

"Who? Where?" Chuck was starting to really freak out.

"I don't know, some guy from Regis," Kati said before looking over at Is again. Is quickly looked down. Regis was another all boys private catholic school on the Upper East Side.

"What? What aren't you saying?" Chuck knew the look on Isabel's face. She was holding something back.

"I don't know; she was just really wasted. She was stumbling all over the place and grinning like an idiot," Is said, trying to be as flippant as possible.

Chuck finally let go of Kati and looked at Serena. Serena's eyes were wide. She looked like she was about to cry again.

"He must have slipped her something, Chuck. She wasn't in a good mood before I left her. She was in upset drunk mode," Serena said. "She's not here! I've looked everywhere," Serena wrapped her arms around her stomach and hunched forward. "Oh God."

Chuck felt like everything was moving in slow-mo around him. He couldn't accept what he was hearing although he knew it was true. He didn't know what to do either.

"A name, a name, Is…Kati? Anything?" Chuck snapped at them.

"We seriously don't know Chuck," Kati and Is said, looking a little worried now. They honestly just thought Blair wanted to go. She hadn't been struggling, and she _was_ sexually active now. Two guys in one week? Worthy of something only Kati and Is would do.

Chuck had never felt more helpless in his life.

Chuck and Serena started going around the room, questioning everyone again; trying to find out who the hell Blair had left with, hoping the added bonus of Chuck's glare would spill the information.

Nobody knew anything. They had been questioning for almost an hour now, and they still didn't know anything more than when they started. And everyone just kept laughing it off anyway, not really paying attention to them, forgetting about the questions as soon as Chuck and Serena walked away.

Serena was past the point of holding back her panic. Chuck had to slap her to get her to calm down at one point. Chuck was trying everything to hold back his own panic.

They were both lost as to what to do next. They finally decided to go to Blair's penthouse. Maybe the guy had just given her a ride home. They were both reaching at straws though; they knew in the real world that sort of thing never happened.

They got out of his limo as soon as it came to a stop. They went for the elevator. When they got there, the house was completely empty. They searched everywhere for her. All the bathrooms, all the bedrooms, even the kitchen. There was no sign. The only person at the house was Dorota, asleep in her servant room behind the kitchen. Serena had opened the door quietly to peak in there.

They were out of options, and they knew it.

They took the elevator back down and started walking through the lobby to the front entrance. Serena saw a cab pulling away from the front of the building and spotted a figure stumbling forward. She raced forward and was out the glass doors before Chuck even knew what she was doing.

Chuck watched Serena go to the figure and put her arm around her, talking to her gently.

Chuck still couldn't make out Blair's features, and he held back. Everything inside of him was still, waiting for the news that confirmed his worse fears, but not wanting to go there in his mind.

Blair and Serena made their way inside the building and walked past a sleepy front desk man who just eyed them briefly before returning to look at his magazine.

Blair was looking down and Serena was holding her, urging her forward. Chuck stepped out of the way to let them pass. He didn't know what he was supposed to do now, but he needed to know what happened. He really did.

They made it to the hall, almost to the elevator when Blair collapsed.

"Blair!" Serena said, stumbling down next to her. Blair sat with her head against the wall. She tilted her head back and looked up at the ceiling, grinning in fascination at the lights.

"So pretty," she whispered. She started lolling her head back and forth as the lights moved in front of her.

"Jesus," Chuck said. He walked over and crouched in front of her. "Blair, snap out of it," he said before waving a hand in front of her face and snapping his fingers.

She brought her head down slowly and looked at him, her mouth still open from her gaze. "Chuck," she drawled out. She shook her head. "You need to go away. You're not nice," she slurred her words before dropping her head down to look at the floor.

"Chuck, stop, let me," Serena said. She wrapped her arm around Blair's shoulders and pulled her close into her side.

"Blair, sweetie, what happened?" Serena whispered to her.

Blair didn't say anything, just started tracing the pattern of her skirt as if it was the most amazing thing she'd ever seen.

"Blair…" Chuck started to say, wanting to shake her to get the truth.

Serena silenced him with a glare.

"Why did you leave the party Blair? I looked for you, but you were gone," Serena said slowly. She needed to ease into this, much like if Blair was a child.

"Gone, gone, gone!" Blair said, bringing her head back up and smiling ruefully at Serena. "Everything's gone," she said in a sing-song voice.

"Blair…" Serena said.

"Just like everyone's gone!" Blair continued in the same sing-song voice. "No one around, no one cares, just gone, gone, gone!" She started giggling.

"Blair, listen to me, I care," Serena said, trying to get through to Blair. "I love you Blair."

Blair looked over at Serena again. "Thank you," she said with a nod.

"Blair, what happened? How did you get home?" Serena asked.

Blair stared into Serena's eyes curiously, like she was really trying to remember.

Serena knew the instant Blair started to remember because a darkness came over her eyes.

Blair started pulling away from Serena. "No, no, no," she cried out, pushing at Serena. "Get away from me."

"Blair, calm down!" Serena said, struggling to grab her hands and make her stop flailing. It was no use, Blair was inconsolable. She was freaking out now. She pushed at Serena before managing to smack her in the face. Serena fell back, holding her cheek, gasping at the pain.

Blair was scrambling, trying to get up, the tears coming down furiously now as she tried to get away. She froze when another pair of arms came around her from behind before she could run. She gasped and started shaking uncontrollably. She pushed at the new arms. She somehow knew they weren't Serena's. "Stop, stop," she was almost screaming.

"Shhhh," she heard from behind her. It wasn't entering her conscious though. She didn't want to be quiet. She was scared and she needed help. She continued to struggle, gasping around her sobs.

The arms clamped tighter around her and she felt the person behind her bring her back closer to him. "You're safe Waldorf, you're safe," Chuck murmured in her ear. Inside he was falling apart, but he knew he had to calm Blair down now. It hurt him to see her hurting like this.

He kept repeating the words over and over again until finally they sunk in. Her struggles seized and her knees went weak again. She was falling forward, still crying.

Chuck sat down with her, pulling her on to his lap. She wouldn't look at him, or even turn to him. She just sat, bent forward, silent tears coming down now as she stared at the floor.

As Chuck watched she reached up and adjusted her skirt, pulling it down to cover her knees. It had only been resting just above the knee. He sucked in a shaky breath. That's when he knew. Even after her freak out, even after her tears, even after she collapsed a second time…this was the moment that he finally knew what had happened. She wouldn't have been coherent enough to tug her dress down for any other reason. Of course, if he really thought about it, he should have known the minute he saw her because she wasn't wearing her stockings.

That son of a bitch had raped Blair.

He was going to die.

There was no other alternative.

He just needed to find out who it was.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. He glanced up at Serena.

"We need to go," Serena said.

He looked around. There was no one out and about. This building wasn't too busy at night. No one had paid any attention to the spectacle because no one was around. He looked up at Serena in confusion. She wasn't the type to worry about image anyway.

"To the hospital Chuck," Serena said quietly.

He looked down, sucking in a harsh breath. He slowly nodded. She was right.

Serena walked around and crouched down in front of Blair.

"Blair, honey, we have to go somewhere," Serena said slowly.

Blair looked up at her, the drug taking hold as she spaced out again…or maybe Blair just didn't want to be in her mind at the moment. "Tiffany's? That's the best place in the whole world."

Serena reached out for Blair's hands and pulled her to her feet. Blair wobbled for a minute before Serena put her arm around her again and Blair leaned into her for support.

They started walking back toward the exit. Chuck got up and called his driver. He knew the limo was near the vicinity. He had told the man to hover because he knew he'd need the car soon.

He followed behind Blair and Serena who were moving slowly.

"Holly is so beautiful, you know?" Blair slurred at Serena.

Serena just nodded.

"Audrey did play a good call girl. Who would have ever guessed she could play a slut so well?" Blair said in admiration.

Serena just kept nodding, dragging Blair along beside her.

"Why does everyone keep thinking I'm a slut? I'm not you know," Blair said, rolling her eyes and giggling. "That's not part of my movie."

Chuck froze behind them, more pain lacing through him at her words. It was his fault everyone thought she was a slut.

"Don't worry Blair, your movie is fabulous. Absolutely fabulous," Serena said, almost choking on another round of tears threatening. "You are beautiful and romantic. Your movie is going to have a happy ending and many, many more sequels with happy endings."

"I know," Blair said dreamily. Her attention was diverted to the door as Serena pushed it open and pulled her through. "Glass is so pretty isn't it? All the lights shine off it. They go round and round."

Serena said nothing now.

Chuck walked around them and hurried down to open the door to the limo as it pulled up.

Serena managed to maneuver Blair into the seat. Blair slid over and leaned against the door frame on the other side. Serena slid in next to her and wrapped her arms around her again.

Chuck got in and closed the door. The driver took off. Chuck had already told the man on the phone where they were going. He didn't want to say the destination in front of Blair.

"Next stop, Tiffany's!" Blair mumbled against Serena's hair. Serena ran her own hand down Blair's, trying to comfort her. Soon after, Blair fell asleep.

Serena finally gave in and started to silently cry.

Chuck sat against the back of his own seat, trying not to look over at them. He couldn't stand to see Blair hurting this way. He closed his eyes tight against another wave of pain lacing its way through his gut.

What had he done? He'd lashed out at Blair and managed to destroy her completely. He'd thought only of tearing down her reputation. He knew how much the other girls' opinions mattered to her. He had thought only of that.

He never once thought about what everybody else would think—all the guys. They all thought she was easy now. They thought it didn't matter what her name was. All they saw was a new girl on the block, plumb for the picking. Blair wouldn't be the first of Manhattan's elite females to sleep around. And they actually thought they would be able to get away with it. They all came from money, with parents who didn't want a scandal to break. The guys had nothing to worry about because the girl's parents' wouldn't want it to become public knowledge that their child was taken advantage of.

He should know.

He wasn't sure if he was ever going to be able to look at himself again.

_

* * *

_

To be continued...


	2. Chapter 2

Everything was foggy.

He walked through it hesitantly, wondering if the fog machine at Victrola had malfunctioned. He kept reaching forward and moving his hand back and forth around him. He didn't know where he was going or what he was searching for. He had this feeling of being lost, but how could he be lost if he had no destination?

Suddenly his hand touched something cold. It was metal. It was round. He gripped his hand around the metal and suddenly it was a doorknob.

He pushed the door open and stepped into the room. Multi-colored strobe lights were coming from every direction. He flinched and walked forward as a bright pink one shone too strongly in his eyes. Finally the light left and he could see.

There were people everywhere. There were tons and tons of nameless faces, laughing and partying. He looked around, trying to find someone he knew. He didn't recognize anyone, so he walked toward two girls facing away from him: one blonde, one brunette.

He was about to tap the blonde on her shoulder, when they both turned around in sync. He still couldn't make out their faces.

"Have you seen Blair Waldorf?" he asked. He didn't even recognize his own voice.

The girls said nothing. Then he blinked and all of a sudden they were hugging each other. It was Serena and Blair. Serena was giving a confused Blair a tight hug. "Blair! I'm so happy to see you! I thought you were lost! Gone! You just disappeared!"

Blair gave a small laugh, "Relax Serena, I was only escaping."

Serena smiled, "Don't ever scare me like that again."

Blair nodded. Then she looked toward Chuck. "Oh my gosh," Blair said and giggled. "Look Serena, he came to help me. How cute."

Serena started giggling too.

"Well, now that you're here, you might as well enjoy the show," Blair said, turning to point at the stage across the room.

Chuck looked over to the stage and suddenly he was alone in the room again…except for the lone figure on the stage facing away from him.

He sucked in a breath as he watched Blair unzip her mayflower dress and let it fall to the ground. He gazed, fascinated, as she moved her hips back and forth. She raised her arms in the air, and slowly trailed one hand down her other arm until she reached her shoulders. Sliding her fingers across the back of her neck, she paused at the edge of her shoulder and turned her head to look at him.

Instead of the come hither look that he always saw whenever he relived this moment, her eyes were wide and sad. She looked like she was about to cry.

He flinched and closed his eyes tight, trying not to remember the look on her face when he rejected her that last time. It seemed so long ago. He opened his eyes and she was still there. Facing him now, fully clothed in the full red coat she'd worn that day. Her hair held back with her multi-colored headband. She was holding her black school bag in front of her, clenching the handle tight with both hands. She was still staring at him but now with an accusing expression on her face.

He started to back away. He couldn't look at her anymore. The further he backed, it seemed the closer the stage came to him. Finally he turned and ran.

He was running down a long hallway. He came to a door, opened it and ran through. He froze.

Since when did Victrola have a stable?

And there was his father. Big Bad Bart was actually brushing down his prized steed. Bart had sold the horse years ago. Chuck didn't know why he had it now.

Bart looked over at him. "Son, come here," Bart said, motioning him over.

Chuck walked forward hesitantly. Bart reached out with his free left hand and took a hold of Chuck's right hand.

Chuck watched in slow-mo as his father brought his hand up and laid it flat against the brush held in place against the horse's mane by his father's right hand.

"Always, always, brush down the horse when you're done riding son. An Arabian is the best breed. It has strong blood lines and everyone will envy you for it. If you don't take care of it, the Arabian will lose its beauty, and you might miss things that you otherwise wouldn't notice. Like cuts and sores and any other damage Blair is going through," Bart said.

Chuck had taken over the motions of brushing down the smooth coat but he froze as the last of his father's words sunk in.

He looked up in astonishment at Bart.

Bart started shaking his head at him in disappointment. "What am I going to do with you Charles?"

Bart turned and walked away.

"Father," Chuck tried to call out. He wasn't making any sound. He didn't know why he wasn't making any sound.

He tried harder, straining as he tried to yell for him to stop. It was no use. He'd messed up too many times. He still tried some more… but Bart just kept disappearing into the distance.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. He slowly turned around. It was Blair.

She had a small smile on her face, which slowly turned into a self-satisfied smirk.

"I guess somebody else wanted me after all."

* * *

Chuck jerked awake. He sat upright in his chair and looked around, wondering if Blair was there with him.

He saw Serena and Dan sitting on two chairs nearby, Serena was asleep lying against him. Dan looked over at Chuck's sharp movement before looking back to the TV in the waiting room.

Apparently Serena had told Dan after all.

Chuck sighed and sat back in his chair again, resting his head against the wall behind him. He checked the clock on the wall. Five thirty in the morning. It was hard to believe only four hours had gone by since they'd arrived at the hospital.

Chuck closed his eyes again. He knew he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep after a nightmare like that. He just didn't know what else to do to try to escape his memories from earlier that evening...

* * *

Blair wasn't asleep like both Serena and Chuck had thought. She was actually listening to the lights of the city. That became apparent when she started humming.

Chuck looked over at the girls finally. Serena was still holding Blair, but Blair wasn't lying against her now. She was humming some unknown tune and staring wide eyed out one of the limo's windows.

"Don't those lights sound so pretty? Lights can make sound. I never knew!" She started smiling dreamily. "Imagine if they could talk. What would they say?"

She finally leaned against Serena again before looking down at the seat in between Serena and Chuck.

She looked up at Chuck. "Oops," she said.

Chuck couldn't have given her an expression if he tried. He just waited, wondering what she'd say or do next.

"You've got spiders," she whispered.

Chuck finally raised an eyebrow and looked at Serena. Serena gave him a weird look too. She opened her mouth to say something, but never got the words out.

Blair slapped her own arm.

Chuck and Serena snapped their heads to look at her.

Blair started shuddering. "Ew, spiders!" She slapped at her leg now.

She pulled away from Serena and slapped at her leg again.

"Make them go away!" she cried out before trying to hit them again. She looked down at the floor and then across the limo and almost died at the number of spiders making their way across the floor.

She crawled up onto the seat and started shrieking.

Serena tried to hold her, but it was no use. Blair was pushing at everything around her, even the side of the limo door. She was trying everything and anything to get away from the spiders.

She finally grabbed the latch on the door and started pushing it open, not knowing that she was about to leap out of a moving vehicle. She had the door a quarter of the way open when she was dragged back into the car.

"No! No! Spiders," she screamed and started shaking again. She pushed and clawed against this new evil force stopping her from getting away from the spiders.

"Blair, listen to me," Chuck growled into her ear. "There are no spiders. There are no spiders. It's not real. Calm down Waldorf. It's not real." He found himself repeating words over and over to her again. She must be entering a seriously bad phase of this trip on whatever the hell the guy had given her.

Blair wasn't listening. She couldn't calm down. Her heart was beating faster. She tried to breathe, but it wasn't working.

"She's having a friggin panic attack Chuck! Do something!" Serena shouted at him. She'd been the one to close the door.

Chuck had Blair lying across the long seat, trying to calm her down. He'd been fighting with flailing limbs and was relieved when they stopped. Now he realized that her breathing had changed. It was coming out hitched and irregular.

"Shit!" Chuck muttered. "Breathe Blair. Breathe damn it." He laid against her and breathed in and out in long breaths. "Feel me Blair? I'm going to breathe in and I want you to breathe in with me, okay?"

He held himself close and whispered in her ear, "Breathe," before sucking in a breath. He almost sighed in relief when he felt her try to do the same thing. "Let it out," he whispered. She puffed out and almost immediately sucked in another breath of air. "Slow Waldorf. Breathe in slow," he said, trying to keep his voice down so he didn't freak her out more.

Blair was trying to stumble through this weird maze she was in. She felt like everything was closing in on her and she was gasping for air, but somehow she managed to follow the slight rhythm she felt. She tried to match her movements against it. And slowly everything faded away. She just breathed in and out slowly now. Listening to the voice in her ear…she couldn't remember how the voice got there, but that was okay because the voice was making the air come back.

The limo finally came to a stop at the emergency room doors.

Serena opened the door. Chuck wasn't sure if Blair was ready to move yet, but he wanted to get her inside as quickly as possible. He scooped her up and slid her to her feet out onto the sidewalk before following quickly. Serena held Blair up as best she could, but Blair was really starting to lose her balance again. The panic attack had made her a little faint.

Chuck grabbed her before she could fall. He pulled her to him and she clung to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and dropped her head to his shoulder. He needed to get her inside, _now_. He put one arm around the back of her waist and stooped to put the other behind the back of her knees before lifting her up.

Serena dashed forward to get extra help, and soon a paramedic came to help Chuck.

Chuck didn't want to let her go, so the other guy backed off until they got inside. Then he had to lay her down on one of those moveable beds he'd always seen in movies but never in real life.

Blair was passed out at this point.

They wheeled her away and a female doctor was already checking her pupils as they went through the doors to the emergency ward.

A male doctor came over to Serena and Chuck, needing answers.

"What is she on?" a Dr. Green asked.

"We don't know," Serena said. "Somebody slipped her something…. She might have been…." Serena couldn't get the words out. She didn't have to.

The doctor nodded, "We'll check into it."

"She's hallucinating," Chuck said quickly, trying to think of anything that would help.

Dr. Green nodded, making a quick note on his clipboard. If it was GHB they were going to have to test for it quickly before it left her system.

"Yeah, she was freaking out about spiders. She almost jumped out of the car on the way here… and she's been drinking," Serena said, nodding her head, her panic starting to fill her again.

The doctor glanced up, trying to cover his alarm. If she was given Ketamine, also known as Special K…mixed with alcohol…. The doctor wrote down another note. Ketamine should _never_ be mixed with alcohol…it could lead to a coma.

"Is she on any prescriptions? Anything at all?" the doctor asked. He made a note about LSD. The drug caused people to go into bad trips much like the blonde girl was describing.

Serena quickly nodded, "Lexapro."

"For anxiety?" the doctor asked, writing down the medication name.

"No, depression," Serena said softly and quickly.

Chuck looked over at Serena, quirking an eyebrow. Since when did Blair take anti-depressants?

The doctor nodded, writing more furiously now. The Lexapro would either combat the drug to stop its effectiveness relatively quickly, or it would really mess with the user's head because of the strain on serotonin inhibition.

"Anything else? Any important medical history? I know you're not a parent, but anything you know will help."

Serena opened her mouth, and shut it quickly. She clamped her eyes shut. She wanted to say it, but she really didn't want to in front of Chuck.

"She…" Serena tried to begin. She opened her eyes and glanced over at Chuck who was giving her the oddest look.

"The faster we get through this, the faster we can help your friend. Does she have any medical condition we should know about?" Dr. Green said to her seriously.

"She's been bulimic for years, but she was doing better… but lately… I don't know!" Serena said, flicking her eyes at Chuck who was looking at her with his eyes squinted, clearly trying to figure out what the hell she was talking about.

Serena shifted nervously. Nobody knew about this except for her, Eleanor, Harold, and now Chuck. She didn't know if Blair was still throwing up everything she ate. Blair hadn't mentioned anything to Serena about still having problems, and if Blair was doing it she was hiding it very well… but there was always the possibility, so Serena couldn't rule it out.

"Anything else?" the doctor asked. He made a note to be sure to check red blood cells and electrolytes—only two of the many body levels affected by bulimia. Anemia would hinder the healing process… and an electrolyte imbalance would impede her coming down from the drug by making her more lethargic and possibly influence disorientation which would only make her more confused and panicky.

Serena shook her head before wrapping her arms around her waist and staring at the floor.

"Thank you. We'll keep you posted. And please contact a parent immediately. There are some important papers that need to be filled out," Dr. Green said before rushing toward the doors that led to the emergency ward.

Serena stood stiffly, not really knowing what to do. Chuck was standing in shock, trying to take in everything he'd just learned.

Serena finally looked up and glared at him. "If you tell _any_one, I will kill you myself," Serena threatened. She had trusted him with the information about Blair possibly being pregnant and she shouldn't have. She didn't want to tell him all that stuff about Blair now, but she didn't have a choice at the moment.

Chuck nodded quickly. He wasn't going to tell a soul.

* * *

Chuck banged his head back against the wall a few times. It didn't matter. Nothing could compare with the pain he was feeling inside.

He'd never hurt this much for someone else in his life. He'd never cared this much about someone either. He had wanted to be with her so much, and she told him he was sick.

"_You ruined my Cotillion on purpose. You did all this for your own enjoyment and didn't care what it would do to me…which is exactly why you and I can never work," Blair said angrily, clearly pissed that he had manipulated Nate into causing a scene in the middle of the dance floor._

"_Wait, slow down there Waldorf," Chuck said, trying to make her calm down as he scrambled to fix this. He reached for her and tried to pull her to him._

_She pulled back, like she was completely disgusted. "You make me sick," she spat at him. She yanked away from him. He had no choice but to let her go._

"_This thing between us, it's over," she said, her eyes never more serious, "for good." She ended with finality. _

"_Look Blair, wait, I didn't mean it—," he tried to explain. She couldn't be breaking this off. He didn't want that. He needed her._

"_Don't talk to me," she snapped at him before completely pulling from his grasp. _

_He stared in panic after her, wanting her to stop. But she kept walking away, not even looking back as he called out her name, "Blair!"_

And she kept walking… and then she was gone… and he'd actually gone after her. He couldn't just let her go. And then she'd been with Nate. He'd finally realized that he was in love with her…it was the only possible conclusion to come to as he felt this giant size pain in a part of his chest that he'd never used or felt before.

And he hadn't learned. Did he ever learn? Just like the lesson his father tried to teach him in that dream. Bart would never have been caught dead brushing down a horse like a stable hand. And Bart had never had that conversation with him. It was his own messed up head remembering the words she'd said "_You did all this for your own enjoyment and didn't care what it would do to me."_

After being rejected and thwarted and dismissed at every turn, the only thing he knew was his own pleasure at making her hurt. Ironically, sending that message to Gossip Girl hadn't given him any pleasure once word hit the masses. Instead it brought nothing but pain as Nate learned the truth and dismissed Chuck from his life as perfectly as Blair had already done.

He hadn't thought or cared about what would happen to her. But he cared now. Just like he'd always cared but didn't know how to show it. He could say he _"didn't mean it_" as much as he wanted to. It didn't stop the end result.

It didn't turn the clock back and make him able to undo the mess he'd made. If he could, Blair would be with Nate. Nate would be completely oblivious. Blair would have gone to that party with Nate. She would drink, have fun, and possibly even make out with her boyfriend. No other guy would have come near her.

If he could turn back the clock, she would still have all her friends. Kati and Is would have been by her side and known that she shouldn't leave with that guy. The guy wouldn't have even come near her. He got to Blair because she'd been alone. No one was around her. It was just like she'd said in the hall of her building, tripping-out on the floor, _"Gone, gone, gone. Everybody's gone!_"

And the cuts and sores and damages Bart had referred to in the dream…he couldn't believe he'd known Blair for as long as he did and had no idea what was going on with her. Nate had never mentioned a thing…but then again, it wasn't something Blair Waldorf would deign to tell her boyfriend anyway.

He knew that happiness wasn't on the menu when it came to being a part of Manhattan's elite Upper East Side. He had said those very words to Nate not too long ago. And yet… he never knew how true those words were until he found that instead of drowning her sorrows—like Chuck did on a regular basis—she was so far gone she was actually taking prescription drugs. He knew she was down and that the past few weeks hadn't been easy for her, but he never knew how unhappy she was even before that.

And the idea that she had been deliberately hurting herself…he didn't want to think about her forcing herself to… yeah, no, he wasn't going to think about it. And he was already beating himself up enough… he didn't want to think about what his final words to her all those weeks ago must have done to her… Serena said she didn't know if Blair was still doing… _that_. He was going to choose to believe that she wasn't. He could only take so much before he wanted to shoot himself in his own foot.

He opened his eyes and glared at the TV in the room. It was showing some infomercial and was repeating itself over and over again. He'd rather shoot the TV instead of his foot.

He glanced over at Dan. He was still watching the stupid infomercial and stroking Serena's hair while she slept. If only Chuck could sleep as soundly.

Chuck shook his head. He needed a drink and lots of them, but he wasn't leaving. He was going to stay right here until the doctors finally came out and told him that Blair was awake. He knew she had to sleep this off; he just couldn't stop feeling so impatient. He had to know if she remembered anything—if she would talk to him, that is. He was going to hunt that son-of-a-bitch down if it was the last thing he did.

Because although he'd already figured out that she'd been taken advantage of, it didn't quite drill home until the police officers showed up to question him and Serena about an hour after they'd brought Blair in.

* * *

"It's no use. I can't get a hold of her," Serena said with frustration. She had just returned from outside. Hospital policy stated that no cell phones were to be used indoors.

"Serena, chill. Eleanor has to have an emergency number. You just need to find it," Chuck said. He was sitting in a chair, leaning his elbows forward onto his knees. His hair was standing on end because he'd run his hands through it a million times already.

"And where would I look? I don't want to leave and go back to her house," Serena said, looking at him slightly perturbed.

"Look, you have Blair's cell phone don't you? See if it has anything," Chuck said.

"Oh," Serena said. She hadn't thought about that. She quickly reached into her bag for the orange phone. She browsed through until she found one. "This might be it." She walked outside at a brisk pace.

Fifteen minutes later she came back in with her eyes suspiciously bright once again.

"She's coming. She's going to charter a G-4. She'll be here as quickly as possible," Serena said. She sat down with a huff in the chair next to Chuck.

She did that thing again where she wrapped her arms around her waist and leaned forward.

Chuck was not about to comfort her. No way, no how. But if he was feeling torn up about this, she had to be feeling even worse for leaving Blair alone at the party to begin with. He sighed. What the hell was wrong with him? He couldn't believe what he was about to say.

"Call Humpty Dumpty. Brooklyn'll come over to keep you company," Chuck suggested. He must be really tired if he was suggesting that _Dan_ be in the same vicinity as him.

"I can't," Serena said quietly.

"Suit your self," Chuck said, shrugging.

There was a long silence.

"She's not going to want anyone to know…" Serena whispered quietly.

Chuck slowly nodded. "I know." Blair was never going to want this kind of publicity. She'd been humiliated enough. If everyone knew about this… he shook his head. At least the people at the party had just brushed off their questions. They probably figured Blair was just enjoying her new favorite pastime. He was disgusted at the thought.

"I can't ask Dan to come down here. I'd have to tell him why," Serena said miserably.

"Like I said, suit yourself," Chuck said with a little exasperation.

"Excuse me, are you the two teens that arrived with Ms. Waldorf?" asked a man in a suit who wondered in front of them from near the admissions desk.

Chuck immediately sat up straight but Serena only lifted her head. They both nodded.

"I need to ask you a few questions," the man said as he flashed his badge and introduced himself. A Detective Ron Whitney…and here's the kicker. He's special victims unit.

Chuck felt kicked in the stomach, _once again_, when he realized what that meant. He didn't follow stupid television shows, but he knew enough about law and order reruns—who could escape them?—to know that this particular unit was for sex crimes.

The man sat down with them—asking their names—just as another one arrived, the first's partner apparently. Chuck quickly dismissed that one. He just wanted to dismiss both of them. It didn't matter what their investigation uncovered. He was going to have the guy killed if he didn't do it with his own hands. It seemed like yesterday that Nate had jokingly mocked, "_So you kill people now?"_ Not then, Nate ole boy, but now was definitely as good a time as any.

"We need to know the events, any information you can give us, leading up to the time you brought Ms. Waldorf into this hospital," Detective Whitney said, looking in between the two, wondering who would speak first.

"So… she really was…," Serena started to ask… but at the look on the officers' faces, she looked down and gasped. She clamped her lips together and tried not to break down again.

"Yes," the officer nodded. "The nurse said something about a party?" he questioned.

"Yeah, she…I… we…" Serena kept stuttering, not able to get over her part in tonight's events.

"What she's trying to say is that Ms. Van Der Woodsen and I were going to visit Ms. Waldorf," Chuck said, talking over Serena. "She wasn't there when we arrived, so we waited and that's how she came home."

The man made a note. "Where was Ms. Waldorf coming home from?"

Serena made a motion like she was going to start talking but Chuck quickly interjected, "Some party apparently? We don't know where or who she was with. You'll have to ask her when she wakes up. Right now, your guess is as good as mine."

He felt Serena turn to look at him. He could see her out of the corner of his eye. He didn't want to look at her now.

"Do you have any other information that could help us in anyway to discover the identity of the attacker?" Detective Whitney asked, slightly perturbed that he was unable to get more information at the moment.

"Caliente," Serena finally spoke again. Everyone looked at her. "Caliente. One of their cabs brought Blair home. I saw it driving away after she got out. Maybe you can check their records—see if the driver remembers anything about how she got into the car."

Finally, Whitney had something to work with.

"So, you don't know where this party was… do you know anyone else who could tell us?" he asked, looking at Chuck suspiciously.

"No sir," Chuck said. He was keeping things as simple as possible.

"Very well," Whitney sighed. "I need phone numbers and addresses for the two of you. Is there a contact number for Ms. Waldorf's parents? I assume there's a reason they are not here?"

"Her father lives in France, and her mother's out of the country on a business trip but she'll be here soon," Serena said quickly.

"Here's my card," Whitney said, handing it over to Serena. "Please see that Mrs. Waldorf gets it and calls me immediately upon arrival."

Serena nodded jerkily.

"If you two remember anything, any detail at all, do not hesitate to contact me," Whitney said sharply. He noticed the look on Serena's face. "Don't worry Ms. Van der Woodsen. We'll find him."

Serena nodded slowly, looking down again as the men walked away.

As soon as they were gone, Serena turned on him. "What was that?"

"What?" Chuck said, pretending he had no clue.

"You just lied to the police! Why didn't you tell them where she was at? They might not find him if we don't tell them everything!" Serena said.

"If you're that worried, why didn't you just say something when they were here," Chuck snapped.

"Because I didn't know why you were lying. So, now you're going to tell me or I'll catch up with them and reveal all," Serena said threatening.

"You said it yourself," Chuck muttered, not looking at her. "She's not going to want anyone to know."

Serena just looked at him, tapping a foot, waiting for him to continue.

"And believe me, if cops showed up asking questions _everyone_ will know in minutes," Chuck said. "Plus, the party is almost over anyway. There's no way they would be able to track them down."

"So what? Someone might have seen something! We can't just ignore that possibility," Serena argued.

"Someone did see something. And I'm not going to ignore it," Chuck said.

"What do you mean?" Serena asked, confused.

"Kati and Is saw that son of a bitch. I'm taking them out for a little 'I Spy' at the first opportunity," Chuck said dangerously soft.

"And what'll you do if you find him? Chuck you need to let the law handle this," Serena said, suddenly worried about what he'd do.

"Sure, I'll let them handle it… just as soon as I'm finished with him," Chuck said the last like he was talking about the weather.

"Chuck, calm down. Get some rest. I'm not leaving until Eleanor shows up and I assume you're doing the same?" Serena asked.

Chuck just nodded before collapsing back into his chair.

"They said they'd let us know when she wakes up. She's resting and stable. The meds just need to leave her system completely," Serena said.

"I know all this Serena," Chuck grumbled.

"So you also know that you have time for some rest too. Sleep Chuck," Serena replied. "I need to call Dan." She sighed. "I'm not going to tell him anything, but I need to hear his voice."

Chuck rolled his eyes before closing them and turning his head away from her.

"Whatever, van der Woodsen," he muttered.

* * *

Chuck had fallen asleep pretty quickly, only to awaken a few hours later from one of the worst nightmares he'd had in years.

He really wished he'd gotten back to that party to find Serena giving Blair a hug. She was just in that long bathroom line too. Serena just missed her when she walked by. They could both laugh at him all they wanted just as long as Blair was safe.

But it wasn't true. And there were no clocks to turn back. Blair had been violated in one of the worst ways possible

He didn't know what he was going to do next. He didn't know if he could see her when she did wake up. He didn't know what to say to her. He didn't know how she'd react to the news… or if she'd remember anything that happened to her.

But he was about to know everything.

"Chuck," Dan's voice came through his weird haze of half-doze, half-aware.

Chuck managed to get his eyes open. Serena was rousing herself and trying to orient. Dan was looking at him. Chuck raised his eyebrows in question.

"She's awake."

_

* * *

_

To be continued…


	3. Chapter 3

"Lily?" Blair managed to crack her eyes open. Everything was a little blurry and the bright light hurt, but it was enough to make out the form of her best friend's mother.

Lily was sitting in a chair next to the bed. She was sleeping with her elbow on the arm of the overstuffed chair, chin in hand. She had obviously been trying to stay awake but still dozed off.

At Blair's faint sound, Lily jerked awake and looked around confused. Then she saw Blair. She immediately stood up and walked to the side of the bed to put a comforting hand on her arm.

"Blair, honey," Lily said softly, eyes clearly concerned.

Blair closed her eyes for a minute to try to adjust to the light. She tried moving her head but it hurt.

"Where…" Blair began to ask before she opened her eyes again and took in the familiar signs of a hospital room. "What's going on?" she asked weakly.

"Do you remember anything sweetie?" Lily asked.

"Where's Serena?" Blair asked. She tried to scoot up to a sitting position awkwardly. She hurt all over. Every single muscle was screaming at her. She didn't know why she was here but she was feeling very disoriented. She tried to think about last night but found she had this huge black spot. All she could remember was being with Serena at some party.

Lily didn't know what to do for Blair. She didn't know what the best thing to do would be. All she knew was that she had received a frantic call in the middle of the night from her long time friend, Eleanor Waldorf. Blair had been attacked and was in the hospital. Eleanor wanted an adult to be at the hospital to take care of any questions until she could get there herself.

She had arrived to find Chuck asleep with Serena trying to sleep next to Dan in the waiting area. Then she quickly found the nurse and explained that she was acting as Blair's guardian until her mother could arrive. With those words, and a few more names being tossed around—such as Bass and van der Woodsen—she was allowed to wait in the room with Blair until she woke up.

"Let me get the nurse," Lily said softly. She turned to find and pick up the little remote with the button that would call the nurse to the room.

Blair didn't know what she was looking for. She thought Lily was going to leave.

"No!" Blair said fitfully, reaching out toward Lily. "Don't leave me." She was in a strange place, alone, with Lily van der Woodsen of all people, and she was confused…and more than a little scared.

Lily picked up the remote and turned to show Blair, holding it up.

"I'm not going anywhere Blair," Lily said reassuringly. She quickly pressed the button and sat it down before coming back to Blair's side.

"Why are you here?" Blair asked, still trying to remember anything from the night before. "What happened?"

"Your mother is on her way. She's in London. She called me and asked me to sit with you until she arrived," Lily explained, answering the first question only. She didn't know how to tell Blair what happened and she honestly didn't think she should be the one to tell her.

Blair was quiet for a minute. Her mother was coming? But she was fine. She was awake. Her muscles hurt like crazy but surely a hot bath would help.

"What's going on?" Blair asked, completely bewildered. "Why am I here?" She'd asked these questions already, she remembered. So why is Lily not answering them? Did something really horrible happen? The last thing she remembered was drinking with Serena.

"Did I drink too much?" Blair closed her eyes tight. "Please tell me I didn't get drunk and do something crazy like table dancing before succumbing to alcohol poisoning." That was all her reputation needed.

"The nurse should be here shortly. I'm sure she or the doctor can explain everything," Lily said, trying to be calm for Blair.

"Why aren't you telling me anything?" Blair opened her eyes. She started feeling panicky. "Where is Serena?"

"I'll get her when the nurse arrives, okay?" Lily said soothingly. "She's right out in the waiting room. She's been here all night waiting for you to wake up."

"Waiting…?" Blair looked around the room for a clock. "What time _is _it?

"It's almost nine," Lily said, looking at her watch.

There was a knock at the door.

Blair turned her head a little too quickly to look at the door. She winced as pain shot through her skull. She had the mother of all headaches she realized.

"Come in," Lily called out.

The nurse entered, a thick woman with short cropped blonde hair and a smile on her face. She saw that Blair was awake as she had expected when the call came through.

She immediately came over and started to check her vitals.

"How are you feeling sweetie?" the nurse asked, trying to be cheerful. It was a nurse's job to make everything better. She knew what this patient had been through and needed to keep her smile in place to keep her calm.

Blair didn't respond. It seemed to be more of a rhetorical question to her.

As Blair watched, the nurse took a flat plastic box from her smock. She poked the long skinny part that was dangling from the device into a box of fresh thermometer covers to get a new one before holding it up for Blair.

"I just need to check your temperature," the nurse said encouragingly. Blair looked at her, somewhat dazed but managed to open her mouth so the nurse could put the thing under her tongue.

"My name is Pat. I'll be taking care of you this morning," Pat explained. "Dr. Klein is on her way, but I need to get your vitals before her arrival, okay?"

Blair hesitantly nodded her head. Lily just watched the exchange, anxious for the doctor to get there.

Pat reached up to the wall and dragged down the blood pressure cuff. "Can you hold up your arm?"

Blair managed to hold out it out, wincing at the strain on her muscles from doing so.

The nurse quickly wrapped it around her upper arm before placing her stethoscope at Blair's pulse point. She pumped the bulb on her end, counting and listening.

Blair tried to focus on breathing. Everything was a little surreal to her. She was used to this every time she came to the doctor's, so it almost felt normal in the middle of all her confusion.

The thermometer started to beep in the middle of the blood pressure ordeal. Pat waited until she finished getting all her readings before putting the cuff away and snagging the stick from Blair's mouth. Then she went to the counter to record the vitals in Blair's file.

Blair sat quietly now. She wanted to ask the million questions running through her head, but she already knew that Lily wasn't going to explain. And she knew that the nurse was just a buffer for the doctor. She did want Serena though…Lily said she'd get her when the nurse arrived. Blair didn't really want Lily to leave, but she wanted Serena there very much.

She glanced toward Lily. "Serena?" she whispered.

Lily nodded. She looked toward the nurse.

"I'm going to get her friend. Will you please stay with her until the doctor arrives or I come back?" Lily asked the nurse.

The nurse looked up. She knew that the doctor would rather have private time with the patient before allowing others into the room. It would be easier for the doctor to explain everything.

"I'll stay with her, but I think it would be best to wait for the doctor before she has any visitors," Pat said slowly but firmly.

Blair looked over at the woman, frowning slightly.

Lily didn't like being argued with. She opened her mouth to put the woman in her place but paused when there was a tap at the door.

Pat quickly went over and opened the door to reveal Dr. Klein.

The doctor had shoulder length light brown hair and she didn't wear much makeup. She greeted Blair in a reassuring manner, as she made a quick perusal of the information that Pat had written down.

Pat quickly left the room, and Dr. Klein pulled a simple folding chair up to the bed.

"Hello Blair, I'm Dr. Klein," she said. She said this warmly, conveying to Blair that she was trying to establish some form of trust and that her attention was focused completely on her.

"Is this your mother?" she asked, glancing toward Lily.

"No…" Blair trailed off.

"I'm a friend of the family," Lily explained. "Her mother is on her way. She's traveling from London."

"I see," the doctor said. "Would you mind giving us a moment?"

"But…" Blair said quickly.

The doctor interrupted her in a reassuring manner. "It's okay Blair. I need to ask you some questions and explain some things to you. Ms…." The doctor looked expectantly at Lily for her name.

"Lily van der Woodsen," Lily supplied. She was not happy with the change in events either.

"Ms. Van der Woodsen will be waiting right outside. You are not alone Blair," Dr. Klein said.

Blair slowly gave Lily a nod. Lily nodded right back. She knew that Blair wanted Serena to be the one waiting and she would get her as soon as she was out of the room.

Blair watched Lily leave solemnly before looking back at the doctor, wondering what she was going to say.

"Do you remember anything that happened last night?" Dr. Klein asked.

"I was…at a party…" Blair said slowly.

"Yes… do you remember anything else?" the doctor asked encouragingly.

"I was drinking a lot," Blair confessed.

"You were," the doctor nodded. She didn't show any signs of disapproval, so Blair went on.

"I was just sitting, talking to one of my friends… I don't remember anything after that," Blair said. "Did I get alcohol poisoning?"

The doctor shook her head. She knew this was going to be hard for the girl to accept, but she was going to have to lay it all out as simple as possible.

"You were brought here with the classic symptoms of LSD," the doctor began.

"What?!" Blair said, shock going through her system. "But…I don't do drugs. I wouldn't have. I was already drinking. And I would never have…" she trailed off when she realized the doctor wasn't fazed by her comments.

"I would never put that piece of paper under my tongue, no matter how drunk I was," Blair insisted.

"LSD is usually taken in that manner, yes," the doctor nodded. "But in some forms it can be found as a clear liquid, capsule, tablet, or gelatin."

"O_kay_…" Blair trailed off, extremely confused. It wasn't like she'd have swallowed a pill either.

"And in those forms it makes it easier to slip into a drink," the doctor explained slowly, making sure to enunciate each word so that she could understand.

Blair looked down, taking her words in before slowly drawing her head back up to look at the doctor.

Dread started at the base of her spine and the beginning of chills was rising up her back. She stared in shock, stonily at the doctor. She saw the serious look on the doctor's face. She didn't want to see it. The words were running through her head and she tried to wrap her mind around them but it wasn't working. She felt something like hysteria starting, but she held it back.

She couldn't speak. She tried to ask the question that was forming, but it wouldn't come out.

"Blair, somebody slipped the drug into your drink," the doctor said. She kept her face as closed as possible before answering the question that Blair couldn't ask.

"When you came in last night, we found evidence of recent intercourse. Was it consensual?" Dr. Klein asked.

Blair clenched her eyes shut and tried to breathe. All the muscles in her body hurt; she now assumed it was because of the drug. She tried to block out the words but at the same time she focused on the one part of her body that she hadn't even thought to focus on. She shifted slightly. She hadn't moved her legs since she had woken. Now she felt it. There was an odd pain…raw… like the time she'd had a urinary tract infection.

She gasped and tried to clamp down on the emotion welling up inside her.

"Blair, was it consensual?" Dr. Klein asked again. She was pretty sure she already knew the answer. She had found evidence of slight vaginal tearing. That was the entire reason, along with the report given to Dr. Greene by the victim's friends, that she had contacted the police. Any time it was suspected that a minor had been sexually assaulted, the authorities needed to be contacted immediately.

Blair was trying to clamp down her emotions but it wasn't working. She felt hollow and used and completely horrified.

She heard a sound… she knew the doctor was asking her something. But all she could think was that she couldn't remember. She couldn't remember anything. She didn't remember talking to anyone other than Serena. She didn't have any idea how this could happen. It couldn't have happened.

"No," Blair said in denial. She wasn't answering the doctor's question, she was denying the doctor's words altogether.

She started shaking her head back in forth in denial. "No, no, no, no," she said over and over again. "You're lying," she exclaimed, opening her eyes and glaring at the doctor.

The doctor didn't say anything. She knew that some people didn't believe that this could happen without them knowing or remembering. She would have to wait for her to calm down before explaining anything else.

She just stared at Blair waiting for her to accept the truth.

She didn't know Blair Waldorf though. Blair was used to putting everything out of her head that didn't make her life perfect. And this was definitely not something that would enhance her life.

"You're lying," Blair repeated, her voice growing slightly louder. The doctor just kept looking at her. Why was she just looking at her? Why wasn't she agreeing with her? Blair was starting to grow angry and she found herself screaming at the woman who didn't seem to hear what she was saying.

"YOU'RE LYING! YOU'RE LYING! YOU'RE LYING!" Blair screamed at her again and again.

She finally stopped screaming when she had struggled to sit up and the pain in her head slammed forward. She grabbed her head and laid back on the bed in a huff.

"Does your head hurt? I can give you something for that," the doctor explained gently.

Blair slowly whispered, "Yes". Anything to make this pain go away would be amazing.

The doctor buzzed the nurse and requested some Tylenol.

"Everything else hurts too," Blair whispered.

The doctor nodded. "LSD causes tremors and shaking sometimes. The muscles don't take kindly to it. You're going to be feeling that a little longer. The drug actually didn't have as large an impact on you as it would usually. Lexapro stimulates serotonin levels while hallucinogens block them. The prescription actually lessened the effects of the drug. Or we might not be having this discussion until later this evening."

Blair barely understood what she was saying. And she didn't care. She just wanted some Tylenol, she wanted Serena, and she wanted to go home. She didn't believe the doctor. She didn't want to feel the stinging between her legs. She didn't want to remember this unbelievable story that this stupid doctor was spouting. The only thing that filtered through after the doctor's whole speech was that her muscles were going to hurt a while longer.

The nurse came in and quickly administered the pain medicine. Blair managed to swallow the pills. The nurse then left as quickly as she had arrived.

"Alcohol is a 'downer' while LSD is an 'upper'," Dr. Klein used some lay-man terms to explain. "That also helped to counter the effects. You still experienced what is called a 'bad trip'."

"Bad trip?" Blair managed to mumble. She really didn't remember anything. She felt numb now. She didn't want to think about anything that she had just learned. The doctor had to be lying. That was her story and she was sticking to it.

"Yes," Dr. Klein explained. "The effects of LSD usually let you see the world differently. A lot of people do remember their experience, some don't. Your alcohol consumption is probably a major factor in why you can not remember last night. Some people actually enjoy their little 'trips' but some people experience paranoia and anxiety. They begin to see horrible things that aren't really there."

Blair didn't say anything.

"Your friends explained that you thought you were being attacked by spiders and almost jumped out of a moving vehicle," the doctor said. She couldn't give Blair the details of the rest of the night, but she could at least tell her something. It might serve to help Blair if she knew _some_thing of last night.

It wasn't having the desired effect. Blair realized what the doctor had just said. She tried not to jerk her head around too quickly. "Friends?" she asked. She assumed Serena was here. She assumed Serena had brought her in. She didn't know how any of this could have happened on Serena's watch, but she didn't know who else would be here. As far as Blair knew, she only had _one_ friend right now. The only one who had been there for her since her life fell apart.

"Yes," the doctor nodded. "Two friends brought you here shortly after midnight."

"Who?" Blair whispered.

"I don't know," the doctor explained. "I haven't met them."

Blair just accepted her answer. Serena would be here shortly and then she could ask her.

"Can I have visitors now?" Blair asked hopefully. She'd answered all of the doctor's questions. She'd established that the doctor was a liar. She'd received medicine for her headache. Maybe she had been drugged, but she wasn't….that stupid 'r' word she didn't want to think about. It hadn't happened. Nope, it didn't happen.

"Not just yet. There are a few more things we need to go through first," Dr. Klein said.

"Well?" Blair said with exasperation.

"You were raped Blair," the doctor said firmly, trying to convince her. "There are certain precautions that need to be taken."

Blair winced at the stupid word. She started shaking her head.

The doctor reached out and held her hand. Blair looked up at her with wide eyes, not expecting the contact.

"Listen to me," the doctor said softly. "You may not want to believe it, but it did happen. You may not remember it right now, but you may start to remember. There will be a lot of healing that needs to be done, especially emotionally. You need to put your feelings to the side for the moment."

Blair looked away. She didn't want to hear her, but she was just so damn loud.

"You need to concentrate on the physical part," the doctor explained. "We've drawn blood and sent it out. Testing is being done and we should know most of the results in a few days."

Blair looked back at her, understanding dawning, her eyes grew even wider if that was possible.

"The statistics show that the chances of getting an STD or other venereal disease from rape is low, but every possibly has to be checked. We prepared a rape kit when you came in as well," the doctor said.

Blair tried not to think about it. It was making her sick to her stomach. She felt so dirty. _It didn't happen!_ She yelled it to herself. But somewhere deep inside she couldn't deny the truth. She was so scared. What if this unknown person had given her some disease? What would happen to her then? She felt hysteria rising again and she focused on her breathing as tears welled in her eyes. Her shoulders were rising with the force of the silent sobs that were starting. She tried so hard to hold it back.

"There is preventive medication that I can prescribe just in case. It's not full proof, but it can help to stop the transfer of certain diseases that can be transmitted sexually," Dr. Klein explained.

Blair nodded quickly. She'd take anything to make sure she didn't catch something.

"Blair," the doctor said, looking even more seriously at her—if that was possible. "There is one other medication that I cannot administer without your consent. It's your choice. Yours and yours alone."

Blair just looked at her expectantly, wishing she'd hurry up so that Serena could come in. She really needed her best friend right now.

"Have you ever heard of something commonly referred to as 'the morning after pill'?" the doctor asked.

Blair flinched. She'd just gone through all of this pregnancy crap weeks ago. She cringed at the thought of having a baby inside of her and not knowing the identity of the father. If she'd been pregnant all those weeks ago she wouldn't have known the identity either, but at least she knew which guys she could choose from. Now she'd have no idea at all!

"It is sometimes used after unprotected sex to prevent a pregnancy," the doctor explained when Blair didn't answer.

Of course Blair knew what that was. She wasn't an idiot. Then she cringed again when she realized that the doctor was telling her some new fact. The bastard hadn't even used a condom. She felt sick to her stomach again.

"Yes!" Blair exclaimed frantically. "I want it!"

"Are you absolutely positive? There is a form that needs to be signed that indicates it was in no way forced on you to take it. I need you to understand that some refer to this as a 'chemical abortion'. You may or may not become pregnant. The pill itself is a—," the doctor started to explain that it was a large dose of birth control that would need to be taken over a period of 72 hours, but Blair interrupted her.

"I know! Okay!? Blair exclaimed. "I don't care! Just give me the form, give me the pill!" Her hysteria was starting again. "Can we please just get this over with? I don't want to talk about this anymore!" She gasped around her words.

The doctor nodded. She had brought that particular medication along with her, expecting this. She dragged the form out of a file and handed it over to Blair with a pen. Blair didn't even bother reading the causes and effects or anything else that the form said. She didn't care. She just signed it quickly, wanting to get it all over with.

She pushed it back into the doctor's hands and then held her palm up expectantly for the miracle cure-all. The doctor handed it to her silently and then gave her the cup of water that the nurse had left behind.

Blair didn't think twice. She took it quickly, drinking the rest of the water. She handed the cup back to the doctor. "Can Serena come in now please?" She knew the doctor probably had no idea who Serena was, but that was who she wanted and she wasn't going to be dissuaded this time.

"Yes," the doctor nodded. "I have to tell you that the police should be by shortly to ask some questions as well."

"About what?" Blair asked.

"What happened," the doctor responded.

"But I don't know what happened," Blair responded, she was confused and she really didn't want to talk to the police. What could they do but make everything worse? They would talk to everyone at the party…ask questions… everyone would know what had happened to her!

Shame flooded her. Her reputation had been completely destroyed already. She wouldn't survive if this came out. There would be no hope of returning to her former glory at all. Her face turned red.

"I don't want to talk to them," Blair snapped.

"You are a minor and this is a sex crime. It needs to be investigated to prevent this from happening again," the doctor explained.

"I don't know anything!" Blair insisted.

"I know that. The police will just want to hear it from you as well," the doctor said soothingly.

Blair finally stopped arguing. Of course, the police would have to talk to her, but if she didn't tell them anything…mainly because she knew nothing, what could they say really?

"Okay," Blair acquiesced.

The doctor nodded and finally got up to go to the door. She opened it and stepped out.

Seconds later Serena came rushing into the room. She was at Blair's bedside immediately. The door had slammed shut behind her.

Serena looked at her with wide, guilty eyes, wondering if Blair would blame her for everything that had happened.

Blair looked at Serena, eyes blank for a moment. She didn't want to think about anything the doctor just said…but she had always been able to tell Serena anything. She'd been trying to hold back all her emotions but she couldn't now.

She reached out toward Serena as the tears started falling more furiously. Serena leaned forward, sitting on the edge of the bed. She had her arms around Blair and held her as Blair finally let all the emotions out, crying brokenly.

Serena started crying too. She cried for Blair and for her guilt. She cried that life could be so cruel sometimes. She just wanted everything to turn out okay.

But life as they both knew it was over. Even Serena didn't know if anything could be rebuilt now.

* * *

When Lily left the room she took a few moments to control her emotions. She was very sad and more than a little angry. She couldn't believe this was happening to a child she'd known all her life. She couldn't believe that the doctor wouldn't allow anyone to stay in the room with her while she was receiving the devastating news either.

When she finally had her emotions in check she made her way to the waiting room to let Serena know that Blair was awake and would need her soon.

She paused at the entry way and Dan spotted her. He'd stayed awake wondering what had happened but knowing that Serena needed him to just be there with her. She hadn't told him anything, just that Blair was in the hospital. He didn't know why though. All he knew was that everyone was waiting for Blair to wake up.

He'd been curious as to why Chuck, of all people, was waiting here too. He couldn't believe that the ass had come. He'd been the one to cause so many problems in Blair's life already; did he really have to be here to witness anything else? Hadn't he done enough?

He spotted Lily at the entry to the ER and snapped his attention away from the Saturday morning cartoons. She gave him a nod to indicate that Blair was finally awake.

Dan turned to wake Serena up. She had been lying curled up next to him on the seat. He slid his hand down the side of her face and whispered, "Serena, Serena, wake up. Blair's awake." She stirred slowly and realized what he said. She started moving groggily to a sitting position.

Dan looked over at Chuck. He hadn't moved since around five a.m. when he'd woken up and sat up quickly, startling Dan at the sudden movement. Chuck hadn't said anything to him, just tilted his head back and started dozing again.

"Chuck," Dan said now with a little more volume in his voice. This would be the first time he'd spoken to him since the ethics party. He didn't know why he was actually waking him up, but he'd been here all night for the same reason as Serena apparently.

Chuck opened his eyes and looked at Dan, waiting for whatever it was he had to say.

"She's awake," Dan explained briskly before turning his attention back to Serena.

They finally got to their feet and went to meet Lily at the entryway. Chuck was already standing there with her, waiting for any word on Blair.

"Well?" Chuck said impatiently.

Lily shook her head. "She doesn't remember anything."

Serena let out a breath, somewhat relieved that Blair couldn't remember but she didn't know if not knowing would make it worse or not.

Chuck didn't know what to feel. He was still numb. All he knew was that he wanted to beat the guy to a bloody pulp before disposing of his worthless hide off the Brooklyn Bridge. Kati and Is weren't always the most reliable and he sort of wished Blair did remember…at least what the guy looked like… if not the rest.

Dan was confused, of course. But he just waited to see what else Lily would say.

"She's asking for you," Lily said, looking at Serena.

Serena nodded and started toward the doors but paused when Lily reached out for her arm.

"The doctor wants to talk to her first. You need to wait outside until she's done," Lily explained.

Serena looked at her confused. "But shouldn't someone be with her?" Blair would be scared and need someone to hold her while the doctor told her what happened.

"The doctor wanted to talk to her alone and explain everything first," Lily said. Serena's eyebrows drew together as she frowned, a little ticked. Lily hastened to say, "I was upset too, but this is procedure Serena. Please, just wait."

"I'll wait outside the door," Serena finally nodded. She walked toward the main doors and opened them just in time to hear what could only be Blair screaming "You're lying" over and over again. Serena gasped and started racing down the hall.

She didn't know which room was Blair's, but she ran toward the sound. Blair stopped screaming before she could find it though. She paused and breathed hard, looking around furiously. That was when she realized that Chuck had followed her too.

Chuck had snapped out of it when he heard Blair screaming and all he knew was that he needed to find her. He didn't care if she didn't want him there. He had to be there. He followed Serena, running just as fast as she did. He didn't know which room it was either.

"Serena! Chuck!" Lily called from down the hall. She didn't run to follow them, but she was walking briskly. Dan stood at the end of the hall, his hand holding the doors open, extremely confused but knowing that this many people couldn't be past this point without permission.

"Where is she?" Serena asked frantically.

"You need to calm down," Lily reprimanded. She knew she wasn't being fair to Serena, but she had to snap her out of this. Blair needed her to be strong.

"Where is she?" Chuck growled at Lily now.

Lily looked at him, frowning at him in reproach as well.

"You both need to calm down. Blair doesn't need everyone acting crazy. She needs you to be strong," Lily said firmly. "This is terrible, but it's only going to get worse before it gets better."

The two teens just stared at her, taking in her words but not wanting to hear it.

"Chuck," Lily said, looking at him, "go back to the waiting room. Blair asked for Serena. We will not be crowding her. This is traumatizing enough as is."

Chuck swallowed and clenched his fists. He didn't want to go back there. He wanted to be with Blair. He knew what Lily wanted him to do, but he just couldn't.

Lily was about to snap something else at him when a nurse came over to the group.

"What are you people doing here? You can't just wonder into the ER area. Group discussions need to be held in the waiting room," the nurse said with disapproval and authority.

"My daughter is going to wait outside Ms. Waldorf's room until the doctor gives her permission to enter," Lily explained, looking pointedly at Serena who sighed and finally agreed with a short nod.

Lily looked at the nurse. "The doctor gave permission for that."

The nurse nodded, "But that doesn't explain you other two. You must go."

Lily took a hold of Chuck's arm and started pulling him along with her. He didn't move at first.

"We were just leaving," Lily said as she looked at Chuck with a warning.

The nurse looked expectantly at Chuck. He shifted back and forth, not wanting to leave but knowing that he couldn't cause trouble or they might not allow him back to Blair at all later on.

He looked in anger at the nurse before finally giving in and allowing Lily to drag him back down the hall.

"Where is her room?" Serena asked the nurse. She was glad that Chuck was leaving. She knew that Blair didn't need him there right now…she didn't know how Blair would react to knowing that Chuck knew about what happened.

The nurse walked her down to the room. She left her with a warning glare and a sharp, "Do not interrupt."

Serena nodded solemnly and waited.

After what seemed like forever, and a short visit from another nurse, the doctor finally opened the door.

"Are you Serena?" Dr. Klein asked the blonde girl waiting.

"Yes," Serena nodded eagerly, not even looking at the doctor. Her eyes were trained on the door, anxious to go inside.

"You may go in," the doctor granted.

Serena rushed forward at the words and had the door opened and closed in seconds.

She saw Blair lying in the bed, her face so devoid of emotion. It broke Serena's heart because she knew that Blair only put on that particular mask when she couldn't deal with everything happening around her.

Serena just hoped that Blair didn't scream at her for allowing this to happen. Serena felt so much pain inside knowing that she had let her best friend down. She looked at her with sad, guilty eyes, praying that Blair wouldn't push her away.

She didn't have to worry. Blair needed her too much. Blair reached her arms out, desperate to be held.

Serena rushed toward the edge of the bed and wrapped her arms around her. Blair started to cry and Serena couldn't hold back hers either. This was so wrong. This should never have happened to Blair. Serena wished so badly that she could trade places with her.

She didn't know what to say, she didn't know what to do. But it didn't matter for now. Blair just needed to cry it all out.

And Serena was here. She wasn't going to leave Blair's side ever again.

_

* * *

_

To be continued…


	4. Chapter 4

"B, I'm so sorry," Serena said, her words coming out muffled against Blair's hair. She hadn't been able to do more than hug her close as they both cried for what seemed like hours but was in reality closer to twenty minutes. She had finally managed to find the words that were clogging the back of her throat.

Blair was still crying and shaking against Serena. She heard Serena's words but she just couldn't comprehend. She shook her head.

Serena nodded. "Yes, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't know how… I never should have left you. I… I can't believe…" the guilt rose in her again and she held Blair even tighter as her sobs started up again.

Blair didn't want to think about anything or talk about anything. It was too much. She just wanted to be held. She wanted to burrow against Serena and pretend.

So she did.

Her sobs quieted down before Serena's did. She had her eyes clenched shut. In her mind, she could picture being safe at home in her bed. None of the nightmare she had woken to existed. Everything was just so.

They were lying on her bed with the think satin champagne comforter wrapped around them, keeping them warm. Her vanity was off to the side against the wall, her laptop resting nearby. Audrey was on the wall, hovering at the head of the bed with her side profile, gracing the room with elegance beyond compare. There was a portrait of a beautifully dressed woman painted directly on the blue walls. Across the room was the entrance to her private bathroom, the walls painted with a pleasant shade of pink.

It was all familiar and all safe. It was her room. She had complete and total control over everything in her room.

Except no matter how hard she tried, Serena's hiccups were penetrating her perfect vision. And before she knew it, everything dissolved into reality.

Instead of her beautiful, elegant room, she was lying in an uncomfortable hospital bed with scratchy white sheets. Serena had slid up next to her but was on the verge of falling off the edge at any moment. The room had plain white walls with wood and white paneled drawers around the room. Other medical items were littered across the counters above the drawers. There was a television on the wall across from the bed; it was turned off.

There was a tray attached to a mock table that would swing across the bed whenever she would be forced to eat what the staff brought for her.

She remembered all too well being in one of these beds before and having to eat whatever she was given.

At the time, she thought it was the worst experience of her life. All she wanted to do was run to a restroom and vomit, but she knew if she did _they_ would find out. _They_ would force her to stay in that room even longer. _They_ would force her to continue eating disgusting fatty things until she felt like she could pop.

By the time they finally let her go, she had drilled into her head that what she had been doing to herself was _very_ wrong. She had lived her life trying to be the perfect daughter and the perfect daughter did not throw up everything she ate. So she worked even harder to break the habit. She'd done extremely well too, only slipping a couple of times when the stress became too much to bear alone. But she always went to see Dr. Sherman after a relapse, begging forgiveness and promising to do better.

And she _did_ want to do better… because in the back of her mind she always told herself that she never wanted to be in that position again. She was never going to be lying in an uncomfortable white covered bed watching nurses and doctors come and go, each of them checking on her for a different reason, poking and prodding. She was never going to feel so helpless and alone again.

And, most of all, she was never going to be forced to eat the horrible hospital food again.

But… here she was.

And instead of being here because she had failed in her attempt to be the perfect daughter, she was here because she'd gone to a party and gotten completely smashed, so smashed that she forgot about the cardinal rule of accepting drinks from strange boys at parties. She was here because some asshole decided that he was allowed to tarnish her perfect shine. She was here because Serena had found her somehow and brought her to this hospital… along with…

"Does Dan know everything?" she asked quietly.

Serena paused for a second. Her tears had subsided but she was still having problems breathing as her mind kept going over and over everything that must have happened to Blair when she lost her. She heard Blair's question but it wasn't the first thing she thought she'd ask.

"I don't understand…" Serena said. "Don't you want me to… to… tell you about everything? I should've been with you. I'm so sorry! I had to pee and I thought you'd be okay for a few minutes and the line was so long and when I got back you were gone and—"

"It's not your fault," Blair said, her eyes still closed.

Serena hissed out a breath, "Yes, it is. B, I failed you. I told you I'd be here for you and I-I-I—"

Blair finally opened her eyes and stared into Serena's tear-filled ones. She shook her head and repeated more firmly, "None of this is your fault, S. I don't hold you responsible." How could she? Yes, she'd gone out with Serena, but she shouldn't have gotten drunk… and it wasn't like Serena was the one to drug her.

Serena was about to argue again but she finally realized two things. First, Blair was looking at her with gravely serious eyes. Blair was telling the truth. Second, she shouldn't be crying so much and burdening Blair with her guilty feelings. She was being selfish. She was the only real friend that Blair had. She needed to be strong for Blair. She could break down later.

She slowly nodded, showing Blair her acceptance of her words.

Blair closed her eyes again and fell against Serena.

"What about Dan?" she whispered. She wanted to know how much this had spread.

"What about him?" Serena asked.

"Does he know everything?" Blair asked.

"No… he doesn't know anything," Serena confirmed.

Blair could feel some of the tension leaving her at Serena's words. "So even though you and Dan found me and brought me here last night, the only people who know about this… _situation_… are you, my mom, and your mom? Good…" Blair trailed off, feeling much better. There was some hope after all.

Serena gulped. She could just leave it at that. She could agree with Blair. Then whenever she got the opportunity to leave this room, she'd tell Chuck that he had to leave and pretend he knew nothing. She'd tell Dan and Lily to pretend that Chuck had been nowhere near the hospital. They wouldn't even _mention_ that name to Blair. She'd send Chuck on his way, help Lily and Eleanor with Blair, and Blair would be none the wiser.

Except the police officers from earlier were going to have to interview Blair and they would undoubtedly mention Chuck's name.

"Blair…" Serena started gently. "I… I didn't call Dan to ask for help to find you last night."

Blair opened her eyes and squinted, clearly confused.

"I couldn't… I needed someone that could ask people questions and they would answer somewhat seriously… nobody at those parties take Dan seriously," Serena started out with her explanation for calling Chuck, hoping to ease Blair's mind before revealing who the "other friend" was.

Blair could feel a twinkle of worry starting to rise. From the expression on Serena's face, she knew she wasn't going to like what Serena said next.

"I had to call him," Serena whispered. "I didn't have any other option."

And then Blair knew.

She didn't need Serena to say anything else.

Serena was prepared for almost anything—maybe even some sort of eerie silence before Blair asked her to leave—but what she got was _nothing_ like she expected.

Blair freaked.

She sat up straight, quick as lightening, almost pushing Serena off the bed. She pointed to the door. "Go! Go tell him that it didn't happen! You know what? It _didn't_ happen. This is crap. They're all lying to me. That's what _they_ do. _They_ lie. They force you to listen to them and eat their stupid hospital food and fill your head with nonsense."

Blair started getting completely agitated when Serena didn't move. "Tell him, Serena! Tell him… tell him… tell him… I don't care what you tell him, just do _not_ let him leave here thinking that because I wasn't!"

Serena got to her feet, literally shaking now. She knew that Blair always warped things in her head so that they fit into her perfect movie, but was she seriously going to just… deny this had ever happened? Part of her would gladly love for Blair to forget everything and go on pretending, but another part of her knew that all that pretending was just going to hide the issue and let it fester. Blair needed help _now_. She couldn't just ignore this.

"He… he wants to see you," Serena finally said, not knowing why she'd told Blair about something that _Chuck_ wanted. Except… he had really pulled through for her last night. Without him, she would have never gotten any information out of Kati and Is. Without him, she wouldn't have been able to get Blair to the hospital so quickly. Without him… Blair might have jumped out of a moving vehicle.

Blair drew herself up, her eyes blazing, "Listen to me, S," she enunciated each word with spite and anger. "You have to go out there and tell him that nothing happened."

"He's not going to believe me, he saw you last night, B," Serena said.

"He can't be trusted!" Blair said, her chest starting to heave as she got more and more upset. "He's going to tell everyone! Oh my God, I should have gone to France!" She wanted to get up and start throwing things, but she didn't trust her legs yet—everything was still too sore. So instead, she gripped the bed sheet so tight her knuckles cracked and shook her head.

"B, please, listen to me," Serena spoke quickly before Blair could interrupt. "The hospital called the cops. They spoke to us last night, wanting to know about the party, wanting to go and question everyone to try to figure out who the guy was."

Blair's eyes grew wide with panic.

"He lied," Serena said firmly, walking close to Blair, grabbing her hand in the sheet. "He lied. He told them that we were waiting for you at your house. He didn't tell them where the party was. He was protecting you. He knew what would happen if those cops showed up and started asking questions. He's not going to tell anyone… you know him better than that."

Though relief at the lie was running through her, she didn't believe Serena's explanation. "Sure," Blair said sarcastically. "He wanted to protect someone alright—his _friends_. Cops show up at a party with underage drinking and who knows what else being passed around?" She didn't need to explain further, she was sure she'd gotten her point across… even if it _was_ Serena.

"B, that's not—" Serena tried to explain.

"But I'm glad he lied," Blair said, thinking inwardly. "I don't remember anything and the cops are going to come question me. I'll just tell them… what? That I don't remember where the party was? They aren't going to believe that… I need them to go away. How do I make them stop asking questions?" she trailed off, murmuring the last to her self.

"Blair, you can't just make this all go away," Serena insisted. "It _did_ happen. You can't pretend it didn't."

Blair looked up, a flash in her eyes. She'd finally decided how she was going to make this go away.

"Watch me," she said. She learned a long time ago that the only way to stay in control of a situation was to manipulate it to her own end… plus, this would help her take her mind off of what had happened to her. She wouldn't have the time to spend imagining horrible monsters forcing her legs open and… _NO!_ She wasn't going to think about it.

"What are you going to say?" Serena finally acquiesced, lowering her eyes. "I need to know in case _we_ have to corroborate." She enunciated the "we" to draw attention to the fact that Chuck was involved in this, no matter what Blair said.

"The truth," Blair said simply. "I remembered everything… and… the age of consent in New York is seventeen. I _had_ consensual sex with someone of the same age. If they want to continue this case, they're going to find it pretty hard if I deny that it was forced. I took the drugs of my own free will, if they want to hold me for that, they are free to… but my mother should be here soon and I'm sure she can take care of that."

Serena winced. "Just like that?"

"Just like that," Blair nodded. She started thinking about every single question the cops could ask her and forming a believable answer. She would try to stay as close to the truth as possible.

"If you do this… they aren't going to continue looking for _him_," Serena explained.

"I know," Blair said out of the corner of her mouth before trying to dream up a fake boyfriend. She needed to know some details about him, but she'd already decided she was going to _pretend_ to protect her "boyfriend"—who apparently liked it rough…she tried not to gag at the thought.

"Blair!" Serena said, snapping her fingers in front of her face.

"What?" Blair asked, looking up.

"They aren't going to continue looking!" Serena said as if she were talking to a dummy. "He's going to get away with it!" she pointed out, though in the back of her mind she remembered Chuck's plan to hunt down the scum.

"I don't remember it happening," Blair said. "Who's to say it actually did?" Though she knew deep down, it had. She also knew that if the cops spoke with the doctor they would realize that she was lying, but she decided it didn't matter. The cops couldn't do anything without Blair or Eleanor Waldorf's cooperation… could they? Would the doctor even be allowed to tell the police about her office visit that morning?

She hoped not.

"Are you sure about this?" Serena asked, her hand still holding Blair's tightly.

"Yes," Blair nodded. Then she looked at Serena and flicked her head toward the door. "I can handle all this. Now, you need to go and tell Chuck. Tell him what I just told you. _MAKE HIM_ believe that I wanted to have sex with… whoever it was. _MAKE HIM_ believe that I took the drugs myself. Please, S? Do this for me. You may trust him, but I don't. I can't deal with him right now."

Serena nodded. She couldn't say anything else. There was no way Chuck was going to believe her. She'd try, but… she was Serena van der Woodsen. He was Chuck Bass. The very idea of her getting one past him was ludicrous. She would probably end up having to just tell him Blair's plan. And tell him that he had to pretend he believed her.

The only problem she could see was… Chuck wanted to see Blair.

She knew that if the look on his face all night was any indication, he wasn't going to react well when she told him that he couldn't.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"How is she?" Lily asked. "Should I go back to her? Or, Chuck? Are other visitors allowed? Chuck's been here all night, it's his turn."

Chuck had stood up as soon as Serena walked through the double doors. She looked terrible. Her eyes were red and puffy; her hair was pulled into a haphazard bun. She had her arms crossed in front of her. She seemed to be trying to keep a hold of herself.

He nodded at Lily and started toward the double doors, completely ignoring the fact that he wasn't sure if he would be allowed back there or not. He was too anxious to see her. He had to talk to her. He had to apologize for everything he'd said and done to her. He had to let her know that this guy wasn't going to get away with touching her. He wouldn't go into details about that of course.

As he passed Serena, she reached out and grabbed his arm. "Can I speak with you privately?" she whispered for his ears only.

Chuck paused in his walk and nodded.

"Be right back," Serena said, forcing a quirk of her lips that didn't resemble a smile at all but showed she was trying for Dan and her mother.

They both nodded, completely understanding. Lily assumed that Serena wanted to prepare Chuck for what would greet him. Dan assumed, rightly, that Serena was going to tell Chuck that Blair didn't want him to come near her. He knew how devastated she'd been since her life fell apart. And he also knew that Chuck Bass was the cause of her destruction.

"What?" Chuck said, impatience making him speak first.

"I know you want to see her," Serena began, placing a hand on his shoulder, vainly trying to keep him in place for the rest of her news, "but you can't."

"Why not?" he ground out. He would walk in there anyway. He just didn't know which room was hers. Well, he'd charm or bribe the room number out of a nurse.

"She's fine," Serena hastened to explain, barely meeting his eyes. "She remembered. She wasn't… er, um, she has a new _friend_, and that's who she left with… he was supposed to meet her there… and… she wanted to be with him. She took the drugs her self; she didn't know she'd have that kind of reaction."

Chuck stared hard at her, unable to believe what she'd just said. She'd been with him through the entire ordeal last night. There was no way that Blair wanted any of that to happen to her.

"That's bullshit," he snapped.

"Look, I know you might not want to believe it, but it's true, okay?" Serena said, shifting her feet. "This was all just a misunderstanding. We shouldn't have even brought her here. I overreacted."

"That's crap, Serena," he said angrily. "She was r—," he cut himself off when he realized he was getting too loud, "raped," he finished in a whisper. His eyes glared into Serena's.

"She was raped, Serena, _raped_," he spat out the word. "Don't you dare try to convince me otherwise."

Serena tried to think of something, anything that would convince him…

"Look, I know you might not want to believe that Blair would have sex with someone else," she finally said, putting on airs about the subject, "but she did. Don't let some misguided jealousy convince you that this was something worse."

She wanted to cry for lying to him like this, she didn't even know where the words were coming from… she wanted to tell him the truth so badly… but if this is what Blair thought she needed to get better, Serena would try her best to achieve that result.

And… she remembered his threat last night. He was going to hunt down that guy. He claimed he'd turn the guy over to the cops when he was through with him. She had written the idea off at the time, but now she just… _knew_. If Chuck found that guy, he was as good as dead. She didn't want Chuck to become a murderer before he was even old enough to vote.

If she didn't know better, she'd think that was a wounded look in his eye for a split second before he covered it up.

He kept staring at her, staring her down. She tried to maintain eye contact with him but it was really hard to do while he seemed to be struggling with her words.

"You're lying…" he finally rasped out. When she didn't deny his words quick enough, he jumped on it. "You're lying. I don't know why you're doing it, but you're lying."

She shook her head. "No, Chuck, I'm not lying."

She put the firmest most serious look in her arsenal in place. "I'm sorry, but I think it would be best if you just left."

He pressed his lips together. His insides were warring. As much as he didn't want to believe what Serena said, a part of him was wondering if it could really be true. And that was making his stomach twist. He felt sick. It couldn't be true…

"Why are you doing this?" he asked.

"I'm sorry, Chuck," Serena said, finally warming a little more to her lie now that she realized he was starting to believe her. "I'm not doing anything but telling you the truth. Thank you for all your help last night."

"If you're not lying… then why do you look like crap? You've clearly been crying, Serena," he asked, his eyes appraising her messy looks.

She reached a hand up to her right eye, wondering how blotchy it looked. "I… I… before the doctor let me in, I couldn't control myself… and then after Blair explained everything, there were tears of relief," she lied.

He had to get out of there. He had to. He tried to remember how to breathe as he finally said, "so you're telling me that Blair Waldorf got high last night with a new boyfriend?" He was twitching inside, but holding his composure in place on the outside.

"Yes," Serena nodded, looking him straight in the eye. "She's changed a lot lately." It was becoming easier to lie to him as she kept telling herself that she was protecting Blair _and_ Chuck by lying.

Chuck was silent for almost a full minute, his eyes still penetrating hers, before he finally gave a slight nod. He turned toward the exit and left.

Serena watched him leave. She didn't know him as well as Blair did… but she'd gotten the oddest feeling that he was hurting though he was trying his darnedest to not show it. She almost ran after him. She wanted to spill. She wanted to tell him everything.

But she couldn't. She just couldn't.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Well, this is certainly unacceptable, Blair," Eleanor said, gazing at her daughter, still reeling from everything she'd just learned.

The police officers had just left. The entire exchange was as grueling as Blair thought it would be, but she held firm.

The drugs weren't even an issue. The officers didn't appear to believe her when she claimed it wasn't rape, but they couldn't do anything about it if she was denying it. She claimed to have taken the drugs herself. She wouldn't tell the officers the name of her boyfriend, stating that it didn't matter. She said that the entire situation occurred because of her friends having overactive imaginations.

"I'm sorry, mother," Blair said, not even bothering to look at her. Eleanor had arrived an hour after Serena returned to her room. Serena told her that Chuck was taken care of. Blair thanked her, but she couldn't get the look on Serena's face out of her head.

"_I told him," Serena whispered. "He believed me."_

"_Good," Blair said. _

"_I can't believe I just did that…" Serena trailed off._

_Blair was astonished to see tears cloud Serena's vision again._

"_It was needed. Thank you, S," Blair said. "I knew I could count on you."_

She didn't look at Serena after that. She didn't want to think about Chuck. She was trying to keep her mind on the story she was contriving for the officers. Serena didn't seem to be in a very talkative mood anyway.

"I can't believe I dropped everything to fly back here thinking you had been a...a…_attacked_," Eleanor said, her hand pressed to her heart. Her mind kept circling through business proposals and possible designs the entire way back to the states. If she paused in her thoughts, she'd start thinking about her little girl being violated. The tears and anger would start to well and she couldn't let herself lose control like that. Not yet anyway.

Now that her story had been delivered to the officers, Blair could no longer push everything else away. Thoughts of her very own private monster flooded back. She leaned back against the bed dejectedly.

"I'm sorry," Blair said again. A single tear trailed down from the corner of her right eye. She bowed her head slowly so as to hide it.

Eleanor saw the tear. "Blair?"

"Yes?" Blair asked, not bothering to look up.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Eleanor asked, reaching tentatively for her daughter's hand.

She didn't understand anything that had been going on with her daughter recently. First the return of her condition—which had since stopped again, _Thank God_. Second was her desire to leave for France for an entire semester. And now, thirdly, she was in the hospital for having a bad reaction to a drug? An illegal drug? This wasn't like Blair. And the tear and the way Blair was lowering her head, that wasn't like Blair either. She thought back to the reaction of the officers as Blair explained everything. They hadn't believed her…

"The officers, they didn't seem to believe you," Eleanor began. "Are you sure everything's okay?"

"Everything's fine," Blair said.

She struggled with it, but she finally managed to lift her head and force a smile.

"After all, I am my mother's daughter."

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_To be continued…_


	5. Chapter 5

**PLEASE:** No commenting on spoilers for upcoming episodes in any reviews you leave me. If it hasn't aired, I don't want to know. Thank you for respecting my wishes. XOXO Sharon

* * *

This story takes place following the events of **A Thin Line Between Chuck and Nate**. Concepts for later episodes are fair game.

* * *

It was just like how everything happened, but it wasn't real.

She knew this place.

She'd been here a few times before.

She was wondering down the halls of a building.

She didn't know what building and she didn't know if she was even in New York.

All she knew was that the halls were ever winding.

After walking for a while, she would realize that someone was holding her wrist. She would look down and see a hand clasped against her skin. She could never quite make the hand out. She didn't know the color or the size. She couldn't see any distinguishing details. She just knew that it was a hand, and it was grabbing her and pulling her along.

She knew this place.

She'd been here a few times before.

And inevitably, the hand stopped pulling her. And they were standing in front of a door.

The hand would reach out to open the door, and as the door slid open, the darkness of the room slipped out and covered her and the hand. The darkness became this giant void all around her. Gravity would disappear. She would feel like she was free falling until suddenly she started back where she began.

Wondering down the winding halls of a building.

And that would repeat over and over until the darkness became too powerful and she was free falling into nothing… and the hall wasn't coming back. Her heart would start pounding. Panic would fill her. She would try to cry out, try to deny the darkness.

And then she would wake up.

But in _this_ time… and in _this_ place… when she came to the door, something different happened.

She walked into the room.

She didn't want to go in. She tried to hold herself back, but she was propelled forward. She tried to cry out. She tried to get the blackness back because free falling into nothing was so much better than being pushed forward.

No matter how much she tried to go back, it wasn't enough.

But she did fall.

And instead of nothingness, she fell onto a something soft and familiar. She knew it had to be a bed. The softness warred with the panic and fear racing through her. She felt like she was swimming in an endless pool. She tried to find some leverage—flailing her arms, tried to regain her bearings, tried to open her eyes and see, but it was all dark. Everything was so dark…

And then the lights blared brilliantly in her ears and started talking to her. They were saying the most beautiful things, making the most amazing sounds.

But then the sounds started screeching in her ears. The lights were going haywire. She tried to grab a hold of her ears and block out the sound, but her hands couldn't move.

And the volume turned up, louder and louder. Her panic level went through the roof. She tried to thrash, tried to reach for something—anything, but nothing was happening. This was worse than the darkness. At least the darkness didn't clammer in her ears as the horror clawed its way inside her.

She felt it creeping in, like giant spiders crawling up her neck and burrowing in her ears.

Her skin was crawling.

Her heart almost stopped.

_Help me!_

* * *

Blair woke up sobbing.

She sat upright in her own bed, looking around. Every light was on in the room.

She tried to stop the sobbing, but no matter how much she looked around and could see clearly that no one was there, she couldn't seem to bring herself under control.

Her eyes were drawn to the corners of the room, looking for an intruder. She saw nothing. That didn't stop the chills of horror from climbing down her spine.

She clutched the blankets tighter around her, pressing back against her pillow.

She clenched her eyes tight and pulled the blankets over her head.

She felt like she was four years old again, afraid of the boogey man.

Too bad her father wasn't here to scare the evilness out of the shadows—not that the lights in her room allowed for many shadows.

But to have her father investigate the little shadows would have made her feel so much better.

He could check the closet and under the bed and…

_Under the bed!_

She cringed.

Somewhere inside she knew her fears were unfounded. She had locked her bedroom door before she went to sleep… and put her vanity chair in front of it. She'd been doing that every night since she got home from the hospital. No one could possibly have gotten into her room while she was asleep.

But that didn't stop the irrational fear from clawing up her spine, making her shoulders shake.

Before she knew what she was doing, she flung the sheets off and made a giant leap off her bed. She went racing for the bathroom, scampered inside, and slammed the door shut.

She pushed the lock into place before resting against the door, breathing a ragged sigh.

Slowly she opened her eyes and started making her way over to the bathtub.

She saw something out of the corner of her eye and felt a spark of fear again as she jerked her head in the direction of the movement.

It was only her. It was her reflection.

She didn't smile at herself though. She just stared at the girl in the mirror.

So many things had changed in the past few days, but that girl in the mirror always looked the same. It was her eyes that looked different. Only her eyes. Any brightness was gone. In its place was dullness. Only dullness. Emotions didn't live there anymore—or at least she tried to not let them live there.

She looked away, back toward the tub.

She needed to relax her nerves and going back to sleep right now was not an option.

She tried to think happy thoughts as she ran her bath water. She almost tossed in some bath salts before remembering that wasn't a good idea. She hoped the sound of the water running didn't wake her mother or Dorota. Of course her door was locked so nobody could disturb her.

Happy thoughts were so hard to come by nowadays. Everything and everyone was gone… well, except for Serena. But she'd never felt so alone in her life. Her entire life had been changed… forever.

The water was finally full enough and hot enough. Blair stripped quickly and sunk down into the warm soothing water.

She tried not to think about anything. She'd become good at clearing her mind.

But she ended up thinking about the first time she bathed after coming home from the hospital.

She'd wanted to turn the lights out so badly because she was too ashamed to even look at her own body. But whenever all the lights were off, the fear would start. She'd never been afraid of the dark before. She didn't understand why it brought so much fear now.

That first night, she had started to get into the bath, but as she sunk down, she had to stand up quickly, wincing in pain. She was still too sore and the bath salts made her most private places burn.

She had sat on the edge of the tub, trying to hold back the tears, shaking. She stared down into the water, watching the slight ripples, and she saw her reflection.

And she felt dirty. _So_ dirty. She could see a bruise by her ribs, and one on her thigh.

And then all she could think about was the horror that she tried to push away. The horror of some disgusting monster prying her legs apart. The horror of that same monster touching her in places that it wasn't allowed to touch.

And she felt like the filth was crawling all over her, just like spiders.

So she'd abandoned her tub and went to the shower on the other side of the room. She turned it on as hot as she could stand it and got in under the steaming spray.

She grabbed the soap and started on her arms, slowly at first, but then she couldn't stop. She started scrubbing harder, digging her nails deep into her skin as she scrubbed away the filth. She didn't even remember the monster's touch, but she knew that he had touched her. And since she didn't remember where… she was going to scrub every inch.

Every single inch.

And she had. She scrubbed herself raw, not leaving one inch of skin untouched. And she had gotten even more hysterical, turning the water on even hotter, not caring that it was now scalding her. She wanted to burn away any traces. She wanted to be clean.

She'd felt better after her bath even though her skin was red and hot. She didn't care. She'd put on a silk nightgown and crawled into bed.

That had been the same night of her first free fall into the darkness.

Now, it was four days later. She'd forced herself to go to school. Nobody paid much attention to her anyway. She spent her time to herself, not even trying to destroy Jenny as she threatened she would. Instead, she went to the library and did her homework. She went to class. She didn't raise her hand. She didn't speak to anyone if she could help it.

She knew she would need time. It was her decision to lie. It was her fault that she kept looking around, on edge, wondering if someone would jump out from around the corner. She saw evil and darkness everywhere, and she needed to stop.

She didn't know what _he_ looked like. She didn't know anything about _him_. She'd given permission for him to get away with doing this to her. Because she couldn't live with the shame. Because she didn't want anyone else to know.

That didn't mean she wouldn't stop imagining him sneaking into her house. That didn't mean she wouldn't be afraid.

And, according to her doctor, that didn't mean that she wouldn't remember one day.

The doctor tried to make her press charges, but she kept insisting that it was consensual. She knew the doctor didn't believe her.

The doctor warned her that sometimes people who have experienced such LSD induced trips as she would start to remember what happened during those trips. Dr. Klein explained that Blair might go through life never knowing what really happened to her.

But she might one day remember.

And as much as Blair wanted to know the identity of her assailant so she could finally visualize her monster and stop cringing away from any male in her vicinity, she didn't want to remember that night. Because as long as she couldn't remember, she could spend her days pretending that it had never happened. She could spend her days pretending that her irrational fear of every male and every shadow was just paranoia.

Of course her _nights_ were filled with shadows and fears, but no clues had emerged of what happened _that_ night.

Until now.

Blair turned on her side in the soothing bath water and brought her hands up, forming them into a pillow for her cheek to lie upon. She curled into a fetal position and just rested, trying to escape the horrors from her nightmare that were clouding her mind.

She would stay that way until the water went beyond tepid. She would stay that way until the water was ice cold.

Then she would dry off, dress in her thickest most modest nightgown once again, crack open her bathroom door, crouch down so she could see if anything was really under her bed before running and jumping into it. Even if she didn't see anything under the bed while she was peaking, she would still feel this irrational fear that if she didn't get her feet away from the floor next to the bed as quickly as possible, the hand from her dreams would reach out and grab her ankle.

And that simply wouldn't do.

Then she would pull the covers up all around her, making sure every inch was covered by the thick comforter. She would bury her head under the pillows, making sure not even one piece of hair was uncovered. Once she was satisfied that every single inch of her was covered and that—irrationally—if anyone came into the room they wouldn't be able to see her at all, she allowed herself to go back to sleep… praying that the nightmare would stay away for the rest of the night.

Maybe it would, maybe it wouldn't.

But she really hoped it would.

* * *

From the minute Chuck walked out the doors of the emergency room and found the sidewalk, he was already processing everything and knew something wasn't right.

Of course none of this was right, but his world had suddenly shifted on an axis and he had momentarily lost his footing.

He found a bench near the entrance to the hospital and sat down, perching on the edge. He leaned forward, his hands gripping the edge of the bench on either side of his knees.

Serena had to be lying. She had to be. But… why would Serena lie? Or maybe Blair lied to her… but why would _Blair_ lie? Why would she tell everyone that she had consented to everything? Was it really true? Blair didn't do things like that… but maybe she really had changed. Maybe she really had taken those drugs. Maybe she really was seeing someone else. He knew how much she enjoyed sex. Maybe she _had_ found someone else to _enjoy_ it with.

His stomach clenched, momentarily taunted by jealousy. It had been bad enough finding out she was with Nate, but this other person? What did she even know about him? Had she really changed so much that she'd have sex with a complete stranger? Well, Serena had indicated that Blair was "seeing" this guy so she'd have known him for a little longer than last night… but Blair was _not_ the type of person to have sex with someone she barely knew. Heck, she'd known _him_, Chuck, for about as long as she'd known Nate.

No. There was no way she would have willingly slept with that guy.

And there was no way Blair would have taken drugs. He remembered that she had experimented once with marijuana, back around the time Nate started smoking it. She had immediately declared that she hated it. She said something about it tasting nasty and being a horrible habit that she didn't want. But he'd always known the real reason. He knew her.

She hated the way it made her feel. She liked to be in control at all times. Anything that impaired her mind made her _not_ in control.

And as much as Blair may have changed, he knew that she would _never_ change that much.

The clenching eased and his mind finally traced back over everything that happened the night before. He'd been blocking it out until now.

He remembered the way she went crazy when Serena asked her where she'd been. She'd actually hit Serena in her face. She would have gone running off if he hadn't stopped her. _Some_thing scared her.

And then this morning… the doors had been open. Serena was about to disappear down that hall to wait for the doctor to finish talking to Blair before joining her. And then Blair had started screaming.

She had just woken up. The effect of the drug would have been over. She would have been in her right mind, if not fully awake. The only reason that she would have started screaming "you're lying" over and over again is if the doctor told her what happened and she didn't believe it.

Because she didn't remember.

Lily had said that Blair didn't remember. Serena said that Blair had remembered.

Maybe Blair really had remembered. But he doubted it.

Either Serena was lying to him, or Blair was lying to Serena because there was no way Blair was telling the truth.

And then he knew. He knew deep down that Blair didn't want anyone to know, but... more than that.

He knew that she didn't want _him_ to know.

He wanted to go back into that hospital, find her room, and tell her that she couldn't make him go away. He wanted to tell her that he was going to find that bastard and make him pay. He wanted to apologize for everything that he'd done to her.

But he didn't go back. He couldn't. Because if he went back in there, it would be for himself. And this wasn't about him. It was about her. And if she wanted to pretend it didn't happen, and if she didn't want him to know the truth… he wouldn't hurt her more by forcing her to confront it. And he wouldn't hurt her more by telling her that he knew she was lying and that he knew what happened to her.

He'd let her have that.

But that was all.

Because that bastard was going down. He was going to find him and God help the jackass when he did.

Disbelief and denial were Blair's, but anger and revenge? Those were Chuck's.

* * *

Four days had passed.

It was the hardest thing he'd ever done to see her at school each day and not go up to her.

If he hadn't already figured out that Blair had lied, he would have known the minute he saw her.

She was dressed perfectly, but it was a simple perfect. She was wearing her heaviest pair of stockings she could find, the darkest color she could find too. She kept wearing longer skirts than normal—which she didn't usually do because she knew that since she was shorter, her legs looked oddly stunted when she wore skirts that stopped below the knee. He'd heard her complain about it before. She thought it made her look unattractive.

She still had her headband firmly in place, but they were wide and thick and solid colors. Nothing with any type of personality that said "look at me, look at me". She wore a traditional white shirt tucked into her too-long skirt, but she always wore a button down sweater on top. The sweater was always long sleeve, and it was always buttoned up to the very top.

She was trying to dress as she normally did, but she was also trying to appear as unattractive as possible. Quite a feat to attempt to pull off.

Of course, she would never be unattractive to him.

But he noticed all those little fashion details immediately. And fashion wasn't the only thing he noticed. Her face was as emotionless as ever. He'd seen her look like that only a few times. Once when she was angry at him for nearly messing up her New York Times interview, once when she picked up her bag and left him at the bar when he turned her away, and once when she came back to school after Gossip Girl revealed her secret sex life. But now, it wasn't just a face reserved for special occasions. Now, it was a face that she used all the time.

She was hurting. She was hurting badly.

And he couldn't do anything to help her.

Well, except what he'd been doing.

That first Monday back to school after the horror that was the weekend, he'd dragged Kati and Is to Regis like he told himself he would. They went early in the morning and stayed until Regis' warning bell rang. Kati and Is had something to say about him making them late for school, but he could care less. He dragged them back after school as well. He made them cut their last class too. They didn't like it, but he didn't care. He had to find this guy and Kati and Is were the only ones who could identify him. He ended up bribing them with a little piece of information regarding _their_ sex lives to make them look for the guy without questioning his reasoning for searching—or tell anyone else what he was doing.

He'd waited impatiently with them in the courtyard of the school. They didn't understand the seriousness of the task and kept making goo-goo eyes at this guy and that guy. He forgot how many times he'd had to redirect their attention.

All he knew about the guy was that his hair was brownish and he was tallish. Kati and Is were horrible in the description department. He had to keep directing their attention from one guy to another to keep them on track and he was getting really pissed every time Is said "his hair was lighter" or "his hair was shorter" and Kati said "he wasn't that tall" or "his shoulders weren't that broad".

Tuesday's after school hunt ended and he was seriously contemplating hiring a facial artist to just draw the guy from the girls' description—if they could possibly give a description that would constitute more than a stick figure with short shoulders and short hair. But he decided to just keep dragging the girls back and forth to the school until they found him.

The girls put their foot down. They may be full of air most of the time, but they recognized the importance of school and they didn't want to get in trouble for continuously cutting their last class everyday. He'd tried to glare them into submission and dangle that piece of gossip about them above their heads, but it didn't work.

So he did the only other thing he could think to do.

He decided to throw a party. He contacted Molly—the girl who'd thrown the last one, the one that Blair was attacked at—and told her to spread the word about his party the way she'd spread the word about hers. Inviting the same people, groups, whatever. She was ecstatic about it of course.

It was Thursday now. Tomorrow was the party. He told Kati and Is that they were to stay glued to his side the entire night. He promised them a pair of custom matching Valentino dresses if they could keep their attention on their quarry all evening.

He'd said their magic "V" word of course.

He just wanted the day to be over so that Friday could arrive and then the party and then maybe he could find a little peace for Blair... and him self.

After that first day back to school, it was the same every day. Blair hardly spoke to anyone, though Serena made many attempts. He'd heard that some girls tried giving Blair a hard time—as girls were apt to do—but Blair had just walked away from them, completely ignoring their words. She treated them like they didn't even exist.

While that had impressed most people, he knew that it was only because of what happened to her.

He watched her all that week, every chance he had. He knew that she spent a lot of time in the school library, and he knew that any time she walked down a hall or walkway and someone came around the corner she would jump a little. She was startled. No one else really noticed, but he did.

But something was different today. For the most part the emotionless expression was firmly in place, but she looked haunted every once in a while. That was the best word to describe it. Haunted. She looked like she hadn't slept well. She looked like she might cry when people turned the corners instead of jumping back.

He didn't know what had changed, but Blair needed someone in a bad way. It just couldn't be him right now. He didn't know if Serena knew that Blair lied or not, but if he couldn't go to Blair, he was going to tell Serena to.

It was the least he could do for her.

* * *

_To be continued…_


	6. Chapter 6

**PLEASE:** No commenting on spoilers for upcoming episodes in any reviews you leave me. If it hasn't aired, I don't want to know. Thank you for respecting my wishes. XOXO Sharon

* * *

This story takes place following the events of **A Thin Line Between Chuck and Nate**. Concepts for later episodes are fair game.

* * *

"Hi, Chuck," Serena said distractedly.

They were in the van der Woodsen suite. Chuck and Bart had been having dinner with them more and more often ever since Lily accepted Bart's proposal. The kids all knew that these family dinners would become common place after the wedding… unless Bart and Lily decided to combine households before the nuptials… something that Serena was dreading, but her mind had been a little distracted lately so she didn't think too much about it.

Chuck had arrived a little early knowing that he needed to talk to Serena in private and that was less likely to happen once his father showed up and dinner was served.

"Let's talk," Chuck said.

"What's up?" Serena said, finally focusing her attention on him. She'd been finishing up some last minute homework, or trying to finish it. Her worry over Blair kept disturbing her thought process.

"In private," Chuck said, nodding toward the bedrooms.

The only reason Serena closed her book and led the way for Chuck Bass to her _bedroom_ was because she'd just heard Chuck say the word 'private' for the first time and it wasn't accompanied by a smirk, a leer, or the word 'parts'. In fact, she hadn't seen him be this serious since… last weekend.

Upon entering the room, Chuck quickly closed the door.

Serena just stood, looking at him expectantly, waiting for him to explain his reasons for wanting a private conversation.

"Look," Chuck started, looking every where but at her, "I don't…" He realized he wasn't sure what to say and he was about to start stuttering or something equally embarrassing. The best way to do this was to be direct about it. It was to help Blair, not hurt her.

"Blair was lying," Chuck said firmly. He finally made eye contact with Serena. "Whatever she said or told you, she was lying. I only have to _look_ at her to know."

Serena couldn't speak. She'd been pretending as much as Blair for the past week. She hadn't thought it was best for Blair to let things fester, but Blair didn't want to talk about _it_. Blair was adamant about not talking about it. She didn't want anyone at school or home to overhear anything. _She couldn't even talk to Blair about it at home!_ Blair was too worried that her mother or Dorota would overhear something. Lately, Blair seemed to be pushing Serena more and more away even though Serena tried to be there for her every step of the way.

The frustration and the worry had become too much for her to bear alone. She had run out of options for helping Blair and didn't know where to go from here… which is why her eyes began to fill with tears at Chuck's words.

Chuck sighed upon seeing the tears. "I wasn't sure if she lied to you too or if you just lied to me for her, but obviously it was the former. She _lied_, Serena. And I…" Chuck winced, this was not something he'd ever said in his life. "I… need your help."

Serena was still speechless. She knew she had to say something. She had to tell him that she knew, she had to tell him that she'd lied to him… but at his words the tears stopped brimming and started falling.

"Serena…" Chuck said, growing slightly impatient. Blair needed their help and Serena was going to choose right now to fall apart? The girl really did like to make everything about her self.

"Never mind," Chuck muttered before he turned and started for the door.

"I've tried," Serena finally said dejectedly as she slumped to sit on the edge of her bed.

"What?" Chuck turned back to her.

She looked at the floor. "I lied to you for her. And I've tried to help her, but she doesn't want to talk about it." Serena gasped around a sob. "She just keeps denying that it ever happened. I… I thought it was for the best that she couldn't remember. But she just keeps pushing me away more and more." She finally looked up at Chuck. "I want to help, Chuck. I just don't know what else to do."

While he was slightly astounded that Serena had lied to him and he'd believed her, he could forget about that for the moment.

"She's not getting _any_ help?" He wasn't one to ask for help much either, as shown by his cringe-worthy request a moment ago, but he thought _some_one was doing _some_thing… namely Serena…

"No one knows…" Serena responded. "She lied to everyone. The police and her doctor didn't believe her, but no one can investigate or press charges if she denies everything… her doctor tried to make her see reason, but Blair just ignored her. I had to lie to my mom about everything too, and Eleanor has no idea what Blair went through. _No one knows,_ Chuck. I'm trying to protect everyone. Her, her mother, _you_… what else _can_ I do?" Serena finished, with pleading eyes boring into his.

Chuck looked confused for half a second. "Protect _me_?" he scoffed. "From what?"

Serena sighed. "From doing something stupid! It's the only reason I was able to lie to you. I didn't think you'd believe me. Imagine my surprise when you did. But, you were talking about going after this guy. Chuck, the police need to take care of him. _You_ are _not_ the police."

So that's why she lied. He didn't know how he felt about that. No one had ever really cared about protecting him before. They had all been friends for a long time, but a lot of bad shit had gone down between all of them this year.

Of course, that wasn't going to stop him from seeing his plans through with the party. He just wouldn't be mentioning anything to Serena about it.

"Tell her its some guy from Regis," Chuck said instead.

"What?" Serena asked, startled. That wasn't the reaction she'd been expecting. She assumed Chuck would say that he was going after the guy no matter what she said.

"Does she know anything about that night that she doesn't remember? The stuff that was blacked out? Because every time someone turns a corner in front of her at school, she jumps. She's on constant watch at school and keeps jumping at every sound. If she knew that the guy isn't from St. Jude's, she wouldn't be doing that."

"Oh," Serena said, eyes widening slightly. She'd never noticed Blair's reactions, how had Chuck… of course. It was Chuck. He noticed everything.

"What happened today?" Chuck asked.

"What do you mean?" Serena said, confused again.

"She was different today, _worse_, if that's possible," Chuck said. "Something happened."

"I… I don't know," Serena stuttered. She hadn't noticed. She'd been too busy trying to figure out how to help Blair and make her stop pushing her away to actually… notice Blair.

"Come on," Chuck said, grabbing Serena's arm and dragging her to her feet. "You need to go talk to her. You need to tell her the Regis thing, and you need to find out what happened. I don't know what to do either, Serena, but sitting on your ass and moping about it isn't going to help."

"Why can't _you_ just do it?" Serena asked, knowing it was a stupid question.

"Because she doesn't want me to know, remember?" Chuck said, opening the door and propelling her out. "It's you, van der Woodsen. So go. I'll cover for you at dinner. But I want to know everything when you get back."

"Chuck, I can't just…" she tried to explain that Blair didn't want to talk about her attack at all and going over there now would settle nothing.

"Go, Serena," Chuck practically snapped, glaring at her now.

She normally would have yelled at him for being mean to her, but she knew that he was just as messed up over everything as her. She'd had to acknowledge the other night that Chuck actually did care about Blair. He'd stayed the entire night at the ER. He'd wanted nothing more than to be there for Blair even after all he'd done to hurt her.

So, instead of snapping back at him, she just nodded, went to retrieve her purse, and left the suite, intent on finding Blair and doing everything she could to help her.

* * *

Blair sat, picking at the food on her plate. She knew she needed to make more of an attempt to eat something, especially in front of her mother, but she had no appetite whatsoever.

Eleanor kept giving Blair worried looks. She'd stopped pestering Blair about eating more earlier in the week when she realized that nothing she said was making Blair eat. But Blair usually put something in her mouth at least five times each night, so at least something was getting past her lips.

…though Eleanor was beginning to think that it was time for Blair to see her psychiatrist regularly again.

And Eleanor was still wondering about what happened this weekend. Blair had tried to assuage her questions about the police and doctor's disbelief, but Eleanor still had a sneaking suspicion that Blair wasn't telling her everything.

But… Blair never told Eleanor everything. It was just the way of their relationship. And maybe Eleanor was just being paranoid. Maybe Blair's appetite was just non-existent due to the drugs she'd consumed this weekend.

It'd been a long time since Eleanor had been a youth and experimented with any hallucinogens, but she was pretty sure that the effects didn't stick around for a week afterward… though Blair had never been the most healthy child, so the effects were probably different.

The silence was deafening, interrupted only by the tinkling of fork tines against the fine china.

Eleanor was about to attempt to draw Blair into conversation when the sound of the elevator's arrival disturbed the silence.

"Serena, what a lovely surprise," Eleanor said when she saw who exited the elevator. "We were just having dinner. Would you like to join us?" And maybe Serena could get Blair to eat more.

"I'm sorry, Eleanor," Serena said. "We're having dinner with the Bass' tonight, but I had to see Blair about something beforehand. Blair? Do you have a minute?"

Blair put her fork down slowly, dreading whatever Serena had to say. Serena didn't seem to be able to understand the concept that Blair wanted to forget what happened… and that every time Serena brought it up, it just made Blair remember her ordeal.

"I was finished anyway," Blair said before tossing her napkin on her plate.

"But—" Eleanor began, but Blair had already left the table and was no longer paying attention to her. Eleanor sighed as she sat her own fork down. Instead of Serena helping Blair to eat, she'd impeded the eating process. Instead of five bites, Blair had only taken two.

Blair was definitely going to need to start seeing that psychiatrist regularly again. Eleanor would make the call in the morning.

* * *

"What?" Blair snapped, settling into her vanity seat. She picked up her brush and stroked it through her hair.

"He knows," Serena said.

"What?" Blair turned, startled, dropping the brush. "Who knows what?"

"Chuck knows you lied," Serena said. She was tired of trying to navigate these troubled waters of lies. She wasn't keeping any more secrets from Blair if she could help it.

"Did you tell him?" Blair asked, emotionless, as she turned back to the mirror to adjust her headband.

"He figured it out on his own," Serena said. "He just came to talk to me. He's worried about you. He wants to help you, but he knows you don't want him around."

"So, he just… _came_ to you?" Blair asked, her eyes meeting Serena's in the mirror.

Serena nodded.

"And you didn't deny it?" Blair asked.

Serena shook her head, slowly, as she realized she didn't like the look in Blair's eyes.

"Some friend you are," Blair snapped.

"Blair, please don't," Serena said sadly. "He knew. He wouldn't have believed me again… and… I can't keep up this pretending anymore. I just can't. You need help. I see it, Chuck sees it, hell even your mother probably sees it and she pays less attention to you than we do!"

Blair slowly swiveled around and stood up, her eyes were dangerous. "This isn't about you. I asked you to do this one thing for me, Serena. This _one_ thing. Just _forget_ about it! Just lie! Don't tell anyone what you know, keep my secrets. That's what best friends are for. And you _know_! You _know_, Serena! You know that I don't trust him. Look what he's done to me! All he needs to do is send one little note to Gossip Girl and I might as well be _dead_!"

"He would never…" Serena started to respond.

"Oh, just like he'd never tell Gossip Girl that I might be pregnant?" Blair said sarcastically. "Just like he'd never tell Gossip Girl that I'm a slut? Just like he didn't make everyone in the Upper East Side _believe_ that I'm a slut? Sure, Serena, he would _never_ do _any_thing to hurt me. Never mind that none of this would have happened to me in the first place if he hadn't decided to destroy me."

"B, he couldn't have known…" Serena tried.

"No, he couldn't have," Blair snapped. "And he didn't _care_. He never once stopped to think about what he was doing would do to _me_! Why do you think I ended it in the first place? And now he wants to try to fix things? _Now_ he's worried? _Now_ that my life has been changed so much that things will never be the same? Screw Chuck Bass! Everyone else has," she added flippantly with a shrug, her eyes flashing.

"Okay," Serena whispered. "Forget about Chuck. I'll deal with him… but, B… you need help. You can't keep trying to forget about this. It's not good for you."

"I told you," Blair snapped. "I'm fine. It's already forgotten. I can't remember anything, remember? I don't see what the big problem is anyway. I'm sure there are plenty of guys you've slept with that you can't remember. Had to happen to me sometime, right? I'm a whore now. Time to act like one. You should be pleased. I've learned so much from watching you! Chuck should be pleased too. Do, please, let him know that I'm so happy he took the time to show me the ropes. Have you slept with him yet? It really would be for the best. Maybe the two of you could show each other something new that the other hasn't already learned from whoring around!"

Serena could feel the anger and hurt building up in her. She wanted to just leave. She wanted to tell Blair off and walk out that door. She'd done so much to escape her past and Blair throwing it in her face, _again,_ hurt so much.

But she couldn't leave. She knew what Blair was doing. She was angry and taking it out on Serena. Serena had promised to stay by her side from here on out, and she would.

"He wanted me to tell you that though we don't know who the guy is, he goes to Regis. Chuck said you've been nervous at school. He wanted you to know that the guy doesn't go to our school so you don't have to be scared," Serena continued as if Blair hadn't said anything.

"And he noticed that you were worse today than the rest of this week. So he… well, _I_ want to know what changed," Serena asked, deciding to leave Chuck out of this question, Blair wasn't going to care to answer a question for Chuck. "Did something happen to you today? Can you please just say _some_thing? I love you, B. I just want to help you."

Blair was silent for a long moment.

"Leave."

"What?" Serena asked, shocked that her heartfelt words hadn't moved Blair at all.

"I don't want you here ever again," Blair said seriously.

"Blair…" Serena was ready to beg.

"Why do you think I didn't want anyone to know, Serena?" Blair asked.

"Because… your reputation…" Serena said hesitantly, wondering if this was a trick question.

"Serena, I didn't want anyone to know because I don't want to be treated differently. You're supposed to be my best friend, but what I just said to you? That would have made you leave. We would have had another fight and makeup session just like always. But you didn't leave," Blair said...

"You didn't leave because you know. You _know_ what happened. The nightmares aren't going away. They keep getting worse. I keep remembering things in my sleep. _Why_ am I remembering? I'm trying to forget. I've tried so hard to forget! But how can I even begin to forget properly when you keep hounding me to talk about it? How can I even begin to forget when you treat me differently and act like I'm about to shatter?"

Serena didn't know what to say. She hadn't meant to make things worse for Blair… she just wanted to help her.

"I don't want to be your friend anymore," Blair said. "You're too big of a reminder of what happened. And you will never let me forget. And I have to forget. I _need_ to forget. Good bye."

Serena couldn't believe this was happening. How was she supposed to argue with that?

"I _said_ goodbye," Blair enunciated when Serena still hadn't left.

Serena shuffled her feet. She started to turn to the door to leave, but she couldn't… not without saying one more thing.

"Blair, I'm going to leave because you told me to. But I will _always_ be here for you. When you're ready to be friends again, I will be here… and…"

"Would you just leave!" Blair almost screamed at her.

"You were raped, Blair," Serena said firmly. "Denying it will not change the fact that it happened."

Blair pushed her. "Get out!"

Serena backed up a few steps and finally made her way to the door.

"I love you, B," Serena whispered.

"I said get out!" Blair yelled.

"Never forget that," Serena said.

And then she was gone.

* * *

"Shouldn't Serena be back by now?" Lily asked, looking toward Chuck.

Chuck opened his mouth as he tried to figure out another lie to explain Serena's absence.

He didn't have to bother.

A split second after she asked the question, Serena came bursting in through the front door. She didn't look at anyone. She didn't take her coat off. She didn't even stop to give an explanation.

She went straight to her room and slammed the door shut.

"Serena!" Lily exclaimed, confused and more than a little chagrined at Serena's behavior around Bart. She should have expected something like this, of course.

Lily started to excuse herself, but was interrupted.

"Lily, no worries," Chuck said. "I'll retrieve her." And he would also find out why Serena looked like she was about to burst into tears at any moment. Obviously things did not go well with Blair.

He didn't bother paying any attention to the odd looks Bart and Eric was giving him. Just like he didn't bother knocking when he got to her room, he just went straight in and closed the door tightly behind him.

"What happened?" Chuck asked. "Did she tell you anything?" He paused when he saw her sitting Indian style in the middle of her bed and it looked like she was screaming into the pillow in her lap.

"Serena?"

Serena finally caught her breath but she couldn't look at him.

"She told me to leave," Serena finally said.

"And you left?" Chuck asked, perplexed. She just left?

"She doesn't want me to come near her again. She doesn't want to be my friend anymore," Serena gasped out.

"Why?" he asked, dread filling him. Why had Blair cut off her last friend? Blair would be completely alone…

"She claims that I'm making it too hard for her to forget," Serena whispered. Her eyes met his. "She's been having nightmares. And until last night, she couldn't remember anything, but her nightmares are starting to make her remember. She doesn't want to remember. So… she said I had to go because she thinks I'm helping her remember or something..."

Chuck couldn't stop the clenching in his stomach. Blair was starting to remember. He didn't know why, but he had a feeling that Blair remembering what happened would be the worst possible thing for her right now.

"So… what now?" Chuck asked. He really hated when he didn't know what he was doing, but he was completely lost.

"I don't know," Serena whispered.

"Maybe I should…" Chuck began to suggest that he talk to Blair.

"No!" Serena exclaimed quickly.

"Why not?" Chuck asked, quirking an eyebrow at her reaction.

Serena closed her eyes. "Because she knows you know."

"Well, that will only make it easier," Chuck said, although he couldn't believe Serena would be stupid enough to tell Blair that he knew.

"She doesn't want to be treated differently," Serena hastened to explain. She didn't want to tell Chuck that Blair had basically blamed him for what happened to her. He didn't need to know that little bit just yet.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked.

"She said some pretty horrible things to me, things that normally would make me fight with her and leave," Serena explained. "But I didn't… I just glossed over it and told her what you told me to tell her."

Chuck winced. Now he understood. It also meant he wasn't going to be able to talk to Blair. She wasn't going to want him to treat her any differently than _he_ had been treating her… which was ignoring mixed with a few glares, mostly on her part.

"What about Nate?" Chuck suggested. "Maybe you could persuade him to talk to her, at least make up with her. He won't have to know what happened, but at least she could have someone." He couldn't believe he'd just suggested that.

"I've tried to talk to him for the past month," Serena said, frustrated. "He wants nothing to do with her. I seriously doubt I could convince him now."

Chuck sighed. Fine, he'd just have to talk to her himself anyway… but he would wait one more day. Hopefully by tomorrow night he'd have figured out who this guy was and deal with him. When he went to Blair, he'd finally have some sort of information to give her… then maybe some of her fears could be laid to rest…

And maybe this thing between _them_ could finally be laid to rest…

* * *

Eleanor made her way into her private master bedroom and closed her door quickly.

She leaned against the door with her hand over her mouth before she finally sank to the floor.

It was true.

Her little girl had been attacked.

Her little girl had been raped.

And her little girl was doing everything she could to pretend it hadn't happened.

Eleanor hadn't cried in a very long time, but the shivers wouldn't stop and when the tears pooled in her eyes, she couldn't make them go away.

They just kept coming.

How could this happen? Why did this have to happen to _her_ Blair?

These were all the questions and feelings that she had pushed away during her journey from London this past weekend. She'd been in denial herself. She had kept her mind on business, all the while hoping in the back of her head that she would arrive in New York only to discover that it had all been a mistake. And that was exactly what had happened. The relief had been great. She hadn't even punished Blair too much for being so silly as to take drugs. She'd been too grateful that Blair hadn't been violated…

Her Blair… her little girl… who tried to be so perfect. She never did anything wrong. She got good grades. She presented herself well. She was an asset to the family and to society, and she…

_Well, forget about all that! _Eleanor commanded herself. Blair was, first and foremost, her little girl. Her daughter. And someone had hurt her, had done something to her that she couldn't kiss and make all better.

Eleanor wrapped her arms around herself and bowed her head. She didn't know how to approach Blair. She wasn't any good at these sort of things. She'd tried to be the best mother she could possibly be, but the best mother she could be wasn't always the best mother. Harold needed to be here for things like this. He always knew the right thing to say or do. She needed him… _Blair_ needed him.

She gasped as another shivering wave of chills made their way through her chest. She hurt. Her heart had broken for Blair from the minute she'd heard Serena utter the words. _"You were raped, Blair."_

Eleanor had somehow managed to go into the empty guest room before Serena left Blair's room. She didn't usually eavesdrop on her daughter's conversations, but she hadn't been able to resist trying to find out _some_thing. She _needed_ to know why Blair had been so withdrawn lately.

And, now she knew…

* * *

She was having the same dream again.

She was wondering down the many corridors, being led by the mysterious hand.

She noticed something different this time.

The hand, which had just been a blur of fingers before, no definite color or shape, now appeared to be slightly tanned, and the hand was actually long and wide. A monster hand compared to her tiny, dainty one.

And the hand kept pulling her, leading her along.

And then they came to the door.

Dream Blair prepared for her fall into oblivion. She'd gone through this many times before. It was only the beginning.

But the fall never happened.

Not the usual one anyway.

The one from the night before came back in full force.

She fell into a void of softness, the same bed as before.

She could hear the lights in her ears, just like before.

But the screeching of the lights didn't begin like last time.

And the spiders weren't coming.

And the sounds from the lights seem to mix with something else… some other sound… a real sound…

Deep, like a male voice…

And the shivers started.

She shook her head, trying to clear it, trying to block out whatever her nightmare was trying to tell her, to show her. She tried to force it away.

She wanted the spiders back. She wanted the screaming lights. She wanted the pitch black void.

But it wasn't coming.

Hands.

Big, wide, tanned, with long fingers…

It wasn't spiders all over her… it was those hands. Just like the one that led her to this room.

She tried to push at the hands. How dare they touch her?

But the hands wouldn't go away. The hands kept touching her where no one was supposed to without her permission. But she'd only ever given two people permission to touch her there… and neither of them had big, wide, tanned hands that looked like that.

She struggled against the hands, trying to scream the word _"no_" as she felt her stockings being pulled off.

It was no use.

No matter how much she tried to struggle and scream, she couldn't make the hands stop.

And, unbidden, the screeching came back. The lights went off in her ears, nearly blinding her with their fluorescent waves.

And the spiders… they came back… and spiders were crawling all over her as the hands kept touching her.

It was too much.

It was all too much.

And it was a long time before she realized that the screeching lights were in perfect harmony with the screams coming out of her mouth.

* * *

"Blair!" Eleanor yelled, pounding on the bedroom door. Had Blair locked this door every night this week? Why hadn't she checked on her once? She would have known something much worse was going on if she had noticed the locked door.

"Blair!" Eleanor yelled again.

It was no use.

Blair was stuck in her nightmare, and Eleanor couldn't get in the room. She hadn't been able to sleep, too busy trying to figure out what to do, and she'd been startled when the screaming had started from Blair's room.

"Dorota!" Eleanor shouted down the stairs, praying the woman either hadn't gone to bed, or would hear the shout. "Dorota! I need the key to Blair's room! Where is it?" She hadn't needed the keys since Blair was in middle school. Once Blair had figured out that locking her door wouldn't stop Eleanor, she'd stopped locking it.

Eleanor went back to banging on the door, praying that Blair would wake up from the nightmare she was trapped in. She kept alternating between screaming and shouting "No!"… And Eleanor knew exactly what Blair was having a nightmare about.

"Blair, please open the door," Eleanor said, fighting off the hysteria. "Dorota! Where is that key!" She didn't even know if Dorota could hear her.

She should just go downstairs herself and try to find the key, it was probably in the kitchen somewhere, but she didn't want to leave Blair.

"Dorota!" Eleanor yelled again before continuing to pound on the door.

"I have key," a heavily accented voice said worriedly behind Eleanor.

Eleanor spun around and snatched it, "Thank you. That is all."

Dorota stood for a moment, hesitant about leaving, but finally doing as she was told.

Eleanor quickly worked the key into the lock and pushed the door open. It hit Blair's vanity chair which was obviously supposed to block the door. Eleanor quickly pushed the thing out of the way and opened the door all the way.

She went straight for the bed and started shaking Blair's shoulders. "Blair, Blair, please wake up honey. Blair!"

Blair flung her arms at her, trying to push her away. "No!"

"Honey, it's mommy," Eleanor said, using the name Blair hadn't used for her since she was in elementary school. "It's me, Blair." She wrapped her arms around her, ignoring the flailing arms, and held her to get her to calm down, stroking her hair.

"It's me. It's okay. No one can hurt you now."

Blair had finally woken up enough to realize that she had been stuck in a nightmare, and that she wasn't now… that her mother was holding her.

Then it hit her.

And she started shaking uncontrollably.

"Blair? Blair, it's okay, calm down sweetheart," Eleanor murmured.

"It's not okay," Blair said miserably. "It's never going to be okay again."

"Yes, it will," Eleanor said. "Don't worry about what Serena said honey, its okay to forget. If you don't want to remember, just forget. Whatever you want, Blair." She didn't know if it was best to reveal that she'd listened to her conversation with Serena earlier, but at this point, she was too frazzled to care.

"I can't," Blair said, tears clogging her throat. "I can't forget."

"Yes, you can," Eleanor said. "You can do anything you want to do."

"I can't…" Blair whispered. "Because I just remembered…"

"Oh, Blair," Eleanor whispered. She gripped Blair in her arms tighter. "We'll get through this. We will. I promise. I love you, Blair. I won't leave you. I'm right here."

She kept stroking her hands through Blair's hair as sobs wracked her body. Eleanor couldn't hold her tears back either as she kept repeating soothing words to her little girl.

"I'm right here…"

* * *

_To be continued…_


	7. Chapter 7

This story is about a very sensitive and serious subject: rape. Though this story is based on fiction, it is something that is very real to some girls. No one should ever be forced to have sex—or even be touched inappropriately by someone. It doesn't matter if you are wearing a skirt that's a little short, a blouse that emphasizes your cleavage, or if you're on the beach in a bikini. It's your body and no one else should touch it without your permission. PERIOD.

* * *

The beginning _italics_ section of this chapter is quite graphic and may be distressing for some people to read. If you want to skip that part and go straight for the un-italicized text, you will not miss any important parts of this chapter—just a retelling of the story of what happened to Blair from her point of view.

* * *

This story takes place following the events of **A Thin Line Between Chuck and Nate**. Concepts for later episodes are fair game.

* * *

"_Look at her! Just look at her, S!" Blair slurred. "This is what happens when I'm not around. The fashion world suffers. Do you think I'd let her get away with wearing that? Nu, uhhhhh." Blair shook her head adamantly._

"_You are absolutely correct," Serena nodded. "What was she thinking? Those shoes with that outfit?"_

"_And she's trying to… to…" Blair trailed off. "What was I saying?"_

"_Nothing important," Serena laughed. "Want to dance? Or maybe go? You've had a lot to drink."_

"_Drinking is g_ooooo_d," Blair said. "And I'm going to drink damn it! Let me drink in peace." She looked at her glass in wonderment. "It's a good glass."_

"_Well, okay," Serena said, sighing. "But I have to go to the little girls' room. Will you be okay? I'll just be gone for a few minutes. Or, did you want to come with me?"_

_Blair glared at her best friend. "I _said_ I want to drink!!"_

"_Okay, okay," Serena reassured, giving a small laugh. "Just stay right here. I'll be back."_

_Blair glowered after Serena for leaving her. No one else was there to talk to her. She had no friends anymore… except for this glass that had the most wonderful concoction in the world…_

… _but it was about to be gone! She was going to have to get a refill! _

_She sighed and finished the drink. Then she looked up and wondered where she'd have to go to get another one._

_She was about to stand up when one appeared in front of her face._

"_Buy the lady a drink?" came a male voice that she didn't recognize._

_She turned to look at the glass. This one was just as pretty. And it was right here!_

_She snatched the glass from the big outstretched hand. "Mine."_

_The person laughed and sat down next to her. "Yours for sure."_

_She took a drink from the glass and sat in silence for a few moments before remembering that the person was even there. "Why are you speaking to me?"_

"_Well, I saw you over here, all by yourself, and couldn't help myself," he said _

"_I don't neeeeed your pity," Blair almost spat the words before taking another drink._

"_It's not pity sweetheart. I couldn't figure out why such a beautiful girl was all alone. I knew someone would try to get over here before me if I didn't try first."_

_Blair drank a huge gulp of the new drink before glaring at him again._

_The stranger laughed. "You are definitely not in the best mood tonight. Maybe I could change all that."_

"_Hardly seems possible," Blair slurred._

"_You'd be surprised," he murmured, reaching across the table to take a hold of her hand._

_Blair started at the touch, and oddly didn't push him away. In fact, her vision was getting slightly weird. Like little splotches in the corner, dancing in front of her._

_She shook her head, but that didn't seem to help._

"_Are you feeling alright? Do you need some air?"_

"_No," Blair finally managed to snap. "I need to finish my drink!" She snatched the glass off the table. "Bottoms up!"_

_She sat the empty glass down with a clatter and stared at the wobbling thing for a few moments before she dissolved into giggles._

"_You're gorgeous when you laugh…"_

_Blair hardly paid any attention to his words now. Everything was starting to blend together. Everything around her was heightening and just… beautiful._

_Idly, she felt a tug on her hand. She didn't even look down to see what was happening to her hand, she just staggered to her feet and went wondering through this weird world she had stumbled into._

_She knew she was led to a taxi. She saw the outside of the car and thought that a cheetah might come off the hood and chase her. Fortunately, it didn't._

_She stared out into the night for the entire ride, barely paying attention to the wetness at the side of her neck and ear as the other passenger kissed her. She didn't know what he was doing, but it was nice to look at all the wild things going on around her._

_She felt her hand being tugged again, and she left the vehicle. Stumbling and giggling, she let herself be led into a building. She remembered nothing about the building except the halls were so long and windy. They took an elevator and Blair cringed against the stranger when it jerked and moved. The stranger wrapped an arm around her. "Almost there."_

_Blair settled down, deciding to stare at the floor. That made the world stop moving so strangely… or maybe it was because the elevator had finally stopped._

_And then she was being led down another windy hall, until the hand pulled her to a stop. She giggled and waited._

_And then the door opened and she was pulled into the room._

_And all the lights in the room decided to sparkle against the glass and chandelier, crystallizing and vibrating in a low hum._

_She never knew that lights could make sound. It was all quite fascinating to her. _

_  
So fascinating that when she felt the zipper at her back being pulled down, she didn't do anything but shrug out of the dress and let it pool at her feet._

"_The lights…" she murmured, amazed. "They never did that before…"_

_And she was prodded backward until the back of her knees touched a bed. She laughed and fell onto the bed. There was a small chandelier over the bed, and if she laid back she could stare at it so much easier than tilting her head up. That was giving her a kink in the neck._

_She could feel things like her strapless bra being undone and pulled off. She barely felt her La Perlas being tugged down along with her stockings too. _

_She squirmed a little, because it tickled, when she felt hands on her legs and thighs, and hips. But she was too fascinated by the lights and the explosion of color and designs going through her head to fully comprehend anything. She felt her legs being pushed apart and felt fingers pressing against that special place between her thighs, but she didn't pay attention._

_She couldn't have paid attention. Her head was swimming. She was enjoying this place she was at in her mind, it was so fascinating. All she wanted to do was look at those lights forever._

_And then the lights went away. _

_The fingers stopped their exploration of her body. She felt something firmer and harder lying between her legs, and then her vision was blocked as lips came crashing down on hers._

_She tried to pay attention to this new feeling. In this weird world she was in, she never knew what to expect._

_Except nothing was good about this part. She started feeling this creepy crawling sensation, she tried to move her head, to look down and make sure no spiders were crawling on her because that was what it felt like._

_But she couldn't move her mouth away. She tried, but the lips followed her and bit at her lip when she kept resisting._

_She tried to murmur, to tell the stranger about the spiders, but it was impossible._

_And then it felt like the spiders were everywhere. She shrieked against the mouth and started to push. She finally broke her mouth free and cried out, "Spiders! Spiders!" She tried to push away from the body, tried to get away because surely the spiders were in the bed and that was why she could feel them._

_No amount of pushing moved the insufferable blockade though. Instead, she felt a deep harsh pressure between her legs. It pinned her to the bed, and she wondered vaguely if the spiders were inside of her as she started shrieking and pushing._

_She could hear cursing as she clawed at the body on her. She felt the body still for a minute, wondering if he was going to get up so she could escape the spiders, but he didn't. Instead, her wrists were grabbed and pressed firmly down together above her head._

_She wiggled, trying to dislodge him, still screaming, but it wasn't any use. The pressure between her legs had become this insistent pounding, and it was starting to hurt. And it wasn't stopping._

_Suddenly she caught sight of the lights again. He had removed his mouth from hers, so she could angle her head back to look if she wanted to._

_But the fun of the lights was gone. They were black and smoky, and instead of the soft beautiful hum they had emitted earlier, the sound started as a dull shriek that grew and grew and grew until it started shrieking in her ears._

_She started fighting like a wildcat against the sound, trying to tear her body away from the harsh pressure and the noise…._

_Never realizing that if she had just stayed still, all of it would have been over that much sooner…_

_Never realizing that her fighting him had managed to incite her rapist even further, making him rape her as harshly as possible, fighting her, rubbing her raw, even tearing her a little, as he used her body however he wanted to…_

_She didn't even know how many times she was used that night. After the lights shrieked through her head for too long a period, she zoned out._

_She didn't remember well the part where he pulled her to her feet when he was finally finished and dropped her dress over her head. She would only discover later that he'd stuffed her under things into her small clutch bag, disposing of her stockings._

_She vaguely recalled being escorted out of the building and deposited into another cab._

_And she remembered that when she'd arrived at her building, all thoughts of what had happened had escaped her head as she stumbled out of the car and made her way home through a sea of newly rejuvenated lights, only to be intercepted by Serena and Chuck, who wanted to know where she'd been._

* * *

There was silence.

They were still in Blair's bed. After the tears had run out, the story had begun.

She had to tell it. She didn't want to, but now that she had remembered most of it, she couldn't keep it inside anymore… And amazingly, her _mother_ was there for her… Her mother had nearly broken down her door to get to her. Her _mother_ was lying in bed beside her, something they hadn't done in so long, Blair wasn't even sure it _had_ happened before. But none of that had mattered before the telling.

Before she told her story, she'd just wanted all the poison out. As much as she tried to run from the truth, now that it was firmly encased in her head, she needed to get rid of it. Telling the story was the only thing she could think of to get rid of the poison.

"Mom?" she whispered tearfully. She wasn't sure how her mother would react. She hoped she didn't just tell her to get over it and stand up and go back to her own bed. She didn't think her mother would really do such a thing, but part of her was just so scared of being rejected and judged.

"Sweetie," Eleanor said finally reaching out and stroking the hair back from the side of her face. "I'm so sorry. So sorry." Tears were streaming down Eleanor's face. And she felt so much anger and rage that she couldn't think straight.

"That bastard is going to pay," Eleanor said firmly and angrily.

Blair couldn't control her shivers. "I don't want anyone to know…" she cried as the shame filled her.

Eleanor saw Blair's face crumble and knew that she needed to stop discussing this now. Blair was too distressed to see or hear reason. Eleanor didn't want the world to know what had happened to her daughter either, but there was no way she was going to let him get away with what he'd done.

"Hush, darling," Eleanor soothed, patting her back gently. "Just rest. Don't worry right now."

Blair was so rung out; it didn't take much for her to fall into a deep troubled sleep.

Eleanor stayed by her side the rest of the night, not sleeping a wink, as she tried to figure out what she was going to do.

She needed Harold, she knew that, but she also needed to decide if she would respect Blair's wishes or not.

Maybe if she could approach her lawyers about this, try to have this processed privately since Blair was only seventeen…

But surely the boy, whoever he may be since Blair hadn't mentioned his name—if she even remembered, would deny the allegation. The doctors should have retrieved enough proof of the attack before Blair's denial, but if the boy—who probably came from a rich family since he went to Regis—did deny the allegation and somehow got out on bail, there was no telling what this boy could say to further hurt Blair.

She didn't know what to do. But one thing was certain, somehow she was going to destroy him.

* * *

Chuck shifted uncomfortably.

He didn't know why he was here.

Scratch that. He knew why.

Blair hadn't been in school today.

He thought that as long as Blair was able to keep a strong front and pretend everything was okay, that she would _be_ okay and would manage to hold things together for a little longer.

But when he realized that she wasn't in school, he'd had this overwhelming sense of dread. What could possibly have made Blair stay home?

So… he told himself that he wasn't being selfish. He wasn't going to see her this afternoon for himself. He was going to see her for _her_. Because even if she didn't want to see him, she'd already kicked Serena out of her life and she obviously wasn't doing _okay._ He had to do something. Well, do something more than what he was doing with the party.

He didn't care if he pissed her off. Hell, it would be a welcome change. If she got mad at him, she couldn't focus on other things, now, could she?

He was still a little wary about it.

And it looked like he might have to wait to speak to Blair though, if Eleanor was any indication.

He had walked briskly into the foyer, and made his presence known to the housekeeper who scampered up the stairs and disappeared for a few moments.

Eleanor, not Blair, descended the steps, and he started shifting uncomfortably again.

"Charles, what can I do for you?" Eleanor asked as politely as possible.

"I came to see Blair," he said, though he knew somehow that _she_ knew that. She had come down instead of Blair for some reason. Maybe Blair had said she didn't want to see him, which was a definite possibility… maybe if he appealed to the importance of the matter, Eleanor would let him go up and see her anyway. "It's important that I speak to her."

"My daughter is not feeling well," Eleanor said haughtily.

"I assumed as much since she wasn't in school," he said as politely as possible. It was time to turn on the charm. "I wanted to check on her."

"And you couldn't have done that over the phone?" she asked condescendingly.

"I was in the neighborhood," he replied a little flippantly. He tried not to wince at his words. Of course he was in the neighborhood. In the Upper East Side, everyone lived on top of each other.

"She's not receiving visitors," she finally said, her eyes a little frosty.

"Just tell her I'm here," he said, even though he didn't think that would help. "I really need to see her."

Eleanor stared at him for a little longer with that frosty look.

He reached into the recesses of his charm arsenal and realized he'd forgotten something.

"Please," he finished.

Eleanor almost rolled her eyes at his blatant disregard for her words and his attempt to get around her with _charm_.

"Blair has had a very strenuous week and has come down with a cold," Eleanor fibbed. "She is resting now and I shan't wake her at your insistence."

Chuck looked at her and saw what he hadn't noticed before. Eleanor Waldorf, the embodiment of class, grace, and society, was looking a little rough around the edges.

She was wearing a simple silk blouse and trousers, but they were slightly rumpled and one side was on the verge of being un-tucked. She might have been wearing makeup at one point in the past twenty-four hours, but she obviously forgot to reapply when she woke up considering what looked like dark smudges under her eyes. Or, that could mean she'd spent a sleepless night and those were really bags. Her hair was pulled back haphazardly, as if she'd tossed it into a clip at the last second… to greet a guest who had just arrived five minutes ago.

"You know, don't you," he finally said gravely.

Eleanor lifted an eyebrow. "Know what, Charles?"

"You know what happened to Blair," he said. He _knew_ she knew, he wouldn't have said that otherwise. He just had a sixth sense about reading the Waldorf women apparently.

"Please leave," she finally said, drawing herself up to her full height, and flashing him a glare that would put _his _to shame.

"I can't," he refused. "What happened? What changed?"

"I don't believe that's any of _your_ business," she snapped.

"With all due respect Ms. Waldorf, Blair _is_ my business," he said dangerously.

"Oh?" she remarked. "Humiliating my daughter makes her _your_ business?"

He faltered. How did she know about that?

"I overheard the argument she had with Serena yesterday," she revealed.

He was momentarily at a loss for words. He knew Serena had told Blair that he knew what happened, but he didn't know what else was said.

"As far as I'm concerned, you should have nothing to do with Blair ever again," she said, eyes glowering.

"Look, I made a mistake, but that has no bearing on what is happening now," he finally found some words.

"Au contraire," she said icily. "If I am to understand, none of this would have happened if _you_ hadn't made it possible."

His stomach dropped. The guilty feelings he'd been holding off for days rushed through him and he felt like that foreign object called a 'heart' was in his throat.

"She said that?" he murmured softly. Blair blamed him. Serena hadn't told him that part. Why wouldn't she tell him? That was sort of important.

"What was said is neither here nor there," Eleanor waved him off. "The point is, you are not welcome here. Do not return. That is all. Good day, Charles."

"I'm not responsible for this," he finally said. It was one of the most difficult things he'd ever said with the way he was feeling inside, but he knew that it wasn't fair to blame him for this even though he felt like it _was_ his fault. "I didn't touch her."

Eleanor sighed. "Yes, I know."

Something in the way she said that clicked in his brain. "She remembered, didn't she?" Serena said that Blair was starting to remember and that's why she was so upset. The way Eleanor said that she _knew_… Blair had remembered and had told her mother everything.

"I told you to go," Eleanor said, trying to not show any reaction to his words.

"Who was it?" he asked, tight lipped.

"The question of the day," Eleanor said before she thought better of it.

"Does she remember a name? Anything?" he tried to say it with as much patience as possible, but this was what he'd been searching for all week so he probably came off as a little overbearing.

Eleanor looked down. "No, just a description." She didn't know why she was discussing anything further with the insolent boy, but she was still just as confused about what to do as she'd been earlier.

Chuck looked at the woman and realized that she appeared somewhat defeated. Maybe she was just as lost about what to do as Blair and Serena were. And given that Blair remembered what the bastard looked like, that would be much better for his plan than Kati and Is ever could be…

"I'm throwing a party tonight," he finally said.

Eleanor gave him an odd look. Why was he bringing this up now? And why would she care to know?

"Everyone who was at the last party is going to be there," he said. "All the arrangements have been made, with the intent to find the bastard who did this to her."

"And you are telling me this because?" Eleanor finally asked, trying to follow his reasoning.

"She should go," he said. "She can ID the guy. I'll be by her side the entire night. Serena too."

"I don't think that would be wise," she replied, her protective feelings rearing. "I don't want Blair anywhere _near_ that… that… _person_ again."

"Ask Blair," he said. "Give her the choice."

"Well…" she considered.

"I'll be here at seven," he replied. "Just let her know."

Eleanor finally nodded.

Chuck started walking toward the elevator, not wanting to leave but knowing he didn't really have any other choice at the moment.

"And, pray tell, what are you going to do when she identifies this person?" Eleanor asked.

He looked over his shoulder.

Eleanor almost gasped at the cold, volatile look that was in his eyes.

"I'll see you at seven," was all he said before he left.

Eleanor watched him get on the elevator and shuddered.

That boy was dangerous.

She gulped. She hoped the person was identified… but she was pretty sure he wouldn't fare well once Charles got a hold of him.

She didn't think he'd fare well if _she_ got a hold of him either.

* * *

"Are you sure about this?" Eleanor asked shakily. She didn't know if her nerves were ever going to return to any form of normalcy, and the events of this evening weren't helping them at all.

"No, not really," Blair said quietly. She was still feeling rung out, but had rested well. The nightmares that had plagued her all week had surprisingly lain dormant after she'd told her mother the entire story as she remembered it.

She was shaking too, but she was trying not to show it since her mother was already exuding enough nervousness for the both of them.

"You don't have to go," Eleanor explained quickly. "It'll be too much for you."

"Mother, stop," Blair breathed out. "I… I need to do this."

She had been so scared when her mother first approached her and told her about Chuck's plan. She didn't want to see the guy who'd abused her ever again… and she really didn't want to see or talk to Chuck…

Except her mother had told her that she'd divulged the information to Chuck about Blair blaming him. Blair wanted to strangle her mother for telling him something like that. And when Eleanor went on to further explain Chuck's plans for that night, Blair realized the full extent of what he was doing for her, to protect her.

The fact that Chuck was trying to be there for her, even after her mother said something so disturbing, told her that he cared—no matter what he'd done to her before or said to her at their last meeting, he _did_ care about her. There were so many things he'd already done to prove that, like how he'd waited in the emergency room all night to make sure she woke up. Like how he'd watched over her all week, as Serena had told her, and _knew_ just by watching her that they had lied to him.

Like how he'd kept his distance because he knew that was what she wanted of him.

He didn't have to tell her any of that. She just knew it and understood.

She wasn't sure if she could get through this party. She was so scared. But… even though she didn't want to see the monster, if she knew _who_ he was, then… She didn't know.

She almost threw her brush as she became overwhelmed with frustration, anger, and fear. She didn't know why she had agreed to go to the party. _What the hell was she doing!!_

Maybe she should just have Eleanor cancel.

"Okay, call him," she finally said after some time had passed. "Tell him not to come."

"Blair, it's almost seven," Eleanor said, looking at her watch. "He's surely almost here. I'll tell him when he arrives."

Blair looked away from the mirror.

Her mother had been helping her get ready. They had picked out a conservative black outfit, one with a little lace here and there. It wasn't very party-esque, but Blair could care less. She was going to be as covered as possible when she went out, and black made it easier for her to blend into the background.

As if on cue, they heard the elevator sound, signaling an arrival.

"I'll send him away," Eleanor said hastily, going for the door.

Blair sat stiffly at her vanity, staring at a mark on the wall. Was this really what she'd come to? Hiding in her room? Too afraid to go out? All week long she'd been looking around every corner for this guy. If she finally knew who it was, then maybe she wouldn't feel so blind… she would never be able to stand trial against him though. She knew that, deep down. She didn't want that to be her life. She didn't want to be known as that 'poor Waldorf girl who was raped'. She wanted to be known as 'Blair Waldorf: Queen Bee, nothing can touch her'.

"Blair…"

Blair spun around on her seat and gasped. Why was Chuck in her doorway? Why hadn't her mother sent him away?

Pain and shame raced through her. She didn't want him to know what happened. Part of her had been scared to death from the beginning of what he would do with the information, but another, larger part of her, couldn't face him if he knew. It was too humiliating. So she had hid. She made Serena lie to him, and she avoided him at all costs for fear that the shame would be too overwhelming.

The feelings were making her panic, and she was a heart beat away from running to the bathroom and slamming the door shut, locking the door and not coming out until she was certain he had gone—and never would return.

But looking at him, his eyes not filled with any anger or spite, his face showing nothing but the concern he felt for her—not pity, never pity—and his body shifting uncertainly, she couldn't hide from him anymore.

"Chuck…" she finally whispered.

He took another step into the room. "I'm sorry."

Against her will, her eyes filled with tears. Those were the first words he'd said to her since that night, the night that seemed so long ago now. The night when she felt like her world had been ripped apart and would never be the same again. She'd been so lost since that night. She'd lost everything, including him, including his friendship.

And yet, she hadn't… because he was here now. He was here for _her_. No matter how hard she tried to push him away, he hadn't left. He hadn't abandoned her to her fate again.

"It's long overdue," he managed to say. "But I really am sorry."

Blair shook her head against the tears that were still pooling in her eyes.

He walked closer, slowly. He saw the tears and he wasn't sure what to do or how to comfort her. Comforting wasn't his thing. Was he making her cry? Maybe he shouldn't have come up. Serena was downstairs with Eleanor. How she'd manage to convince the woman to allow him to come up was still beyond him. He guessed it was true that Eleanor was a bit of a softy when it came to her daughter's best friend.

"Do you want me to go?" he asked, wanting more than anything to stay right where he was, but if he was only going to upset her more, then maybe that was the best thing for her. "I shouldn't have come up…"

Blair shook her head again, adamantly. She really didn't want him to go. The longer they were in the room together, the easier it was to be around him.

He took her 'no' as a sign that it was okay to be there, and that he could close the gap between them further if he wanted to.

And then the tears she was trying to hold onto fell and he was right there, almost kneeling in front of her, and though she was so scared of everything and though somewhere deep inside she was terrified that he would reject her again, she still managed to reach out to him.

And he was right there.

He pulled her into his arms and just held her hard. He tried to remember to breathe; he was getting a little choked up himself.

She clung to him and laid her head on his shoulder, feeling so much relief in the familiar. She couldn't believe that he was letting her cry on him, but she shouldn't have been surprised, he'd let her do it once before.

She didn't even know why she was crying. She thought all her tears had been spent during the night. But now, maybe, she was crying because she didn't feel quite as lost. Because she actually wasn't as alone as she'd made herself believe. She had her mother, and she had Serena who had made it clear that she was never going away no matter how hard Blair pushed… and… now she had Chuck too.

And he wasn't turning away from her. He wasn't disgusted by what had happened to her. He wasn't making it possible for the shame that had plagued her since she woke up to learn the truth to rear its ugly head.

He still had no idea what the hell he was doing, but evidently he was doing something right. Although the way he was kneeling was giving him a kink in his leg. He shifted a little and was almost disappointed when she started to pull away.

She felt him move and thought he was done with the whole comforting thing; that he had decided that was long enough. So she pulled away before he could. She wanted to be the one to pull away first for some reason.

"Sorry," she mumbled and looked anywhere but at him as she wiped at her face, not wanting him to see the tears now.

"It's okay," he murmured and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She stilled and tried not to flinch when he rested his hand on her chin afterward, tilting her face up so she had to look him in the eye.

"Your mother said you don't want to go tonight," he finally managed to find some words. He could barely look _her_ in the eye after everything he'd done; he didn't know why he was making her look at him. "You don't have to."

She was still too choked up to say anything.

He didn't know whether to be encouraged by her silence or not. He dropped his hand and wasn't surprised when she looked away from him immediately.

"Serena's here," he decided to point out. "Downstairs. You can go with her if you don't want to go with me…"

She thought that was an odd thing for him to say, especially after what just happened. She looked back at him, confused. And, looking at him, she finally understood.

She shook her head. "I don't blame you, for any of it," she said softly. "I was just angry and in the heat of the moment… It's not your fault."

And he thought that it was. She could see it in his face now. The way his mouth tightened and his eyes looked haunted. She'd never seen his face do that before. He was Chuck Bass, smirks and leers were the facial expression of choice. He lived his life without a care for anyone else, never _thinking_ about what his actions might cause. She had accused him before of being guilty of that.

Apparently he had a conscience, somewhere deep inside and as hidden as his heart, and it had taken something this horrific for it to finally come out.

He started to shake his head, to deny her words, because he knew he was at least partially to blame; but then she reached out and pressed her small hand against _his_ face, making him look _her_ directly in the eye.

"_You_ didn't do this," she said vehemently. "Don't ever think that you caused this. Okay?"

He knew that for once she wasn't pretending. And she wasn't lying. Blair had never lied to him.

And though he still couldn't completely shake this guilt, it was somewhat lessened at her words.

He nodded in answer. He believed that she didn't hold him responsible. That didn't mean he didn't still hold himself. He would have to work on that.

"Maybe I should go to the party," she said. "I'm just…" she stumbled on the words. She couldn't admit to him that she was afraid.

"I won't leave your side," he said, understanding what she couldn't say.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Could she do it? Could she really go out and be around all those people? Could she really face her fears? That was something she'd never really done before.

The only two things she had ever feared was being fat and ugly and social ruin. She still battled her eating disorder all the time, resisting the urge to purge, afraid that everything that passed her lips would go straight to her hips.

She had succumbed to social ruin, but she was still running scared and hadn't managed to face it yet—still moaning about having to get out of bed in the morning to go to school, still being shunned by classmates, still afraid of what people thought of her. Even more afraid of what people would think of her if they knew the truth about last Saturday night.

Could she really go to the party knowing that she would be facing that monster head on, just waiting to finger him in a crowd?

She opened her eyes, startled, when she felt Chuck take a hold of her hand. She looked at him and saw the reassurance on his face.

"Okay," she finally agreed. She would try. As long as he was with her, as long as Serena was with her, she could do this. She wouldn't be lost and alone.

He smiled and finally stood up, resisting the urge to wince at his left leg that had gone completely numb. He was _not_ used to kneeling on the floor and hopefully wouldn't have to do it again anytime soon.

"Give me a few minutes," she said before turning back to the vanity and picking up her brush. "I'll be right down."

She needed to fix her makeup now that it had probably all either ran from the tears or been wiped on his suit jacket. It was a good thing he was wearing black. She actually felt a tiny smile twitching at the corners of her lips thinking that he was going to walk around all night with makeup ingrained on his clothes, though it probably wouldn't be the first time. She rolled her eyes at that.

"Waldorf," he said, pausing in the doorway.

"Bass?" she said, looking at his reflection in the mirror.

"It's a party, not a funeral," he said, looking her up and down pointedly.

She couldn't help herself. The corners went up hesitantly and she actually smiled.

"Noted."

* * *

"What's taking her so long?" Serena asked anxiously. Chuck had come down at least ten minutes ago. "Do you think she changed her mind again?"

She had mixed feelings about tonight. She wanted more than anything for Blair to identify the guy. But…she didn't know what Chuck would do if or when Blair _did_ identify him.

She knew all too well the rage Chuck was hiding inside. He'd taken it out on her earlier when he'd shown up after his visit to Eleanor and tore her a new one for not telling him that Blair blamed him.

She had to keep telling him that Blair didn't mean it. She knew Blair and that she was only speaking in anger. Blair said a lot of things in anger that she didn't really mean. She said the things that would hurt the most because she was striking out with her weapon of choice—words.

Nothing she said had calmed him down. He'd even hit a wall. Fortunately his father owned the hotel and someone from maintenance came up to fix it immediately, no questions asked. Her mother would be none the wiser.

He'd finally calmed down on his own because he had to. He had to push it all away because the time for the party was rapidly approaching and he needed to cool down so he could see the rest of his plan through.

She didn't think it would be wise for Blair to come to the party, wasn't even sure if she _would_ go, but she'd kept those thoughts to herself because he clearly didn't want to hear her opinion just then. All he wanted was to tell her that he was going to pick Blair up at seven and that Serena had best be ready and in the limo by six forty.

She didn't argue with him, just agreed and showed him out.

At six forty on the dot, they had traveled to the Waldorf reference in silence, not saying a word to each other the entire ride up in the elevator either.

When they'd arrived only to have Eleanor say that Blair decided to cancel at the last minute, Serena knew she had to do something. As much as she was afraid for Chuck, she couldn't let Blair keep hiding. And Chuck looked so defeated. It scared her. She'd never seen him look that way before. The entire situation was taking a toll on everyone around her. If the only way for them to get through to Blair was to force something to happen, then it was time for someone else _besides_ Blair to call the shots.

So she'd appealed to Eleanor, almost begged the woman to let Chuck see Blair. Against Chuck's wishes for being left out of the loop, she pulled Eleanor to the side and… told her that Blair kept pushing everyone who cared about her away when what Blair needed the most right now was the people who loved her to show their support. That both she _and_ Chuck loved Blair—though Serena wasn't positive about that fact, she knew he at least cared about her—and would do anything to help her and keep her safe. But they needed some help from _Eleanor_ if they were ever going to be able to get through to her.

Shockingly, it had worked, and before she knew it Chuck was going up those stairs while she stayed below to soothe a frazzled Eleanor. She was afraid if she went upstairs as well, Eleanor would somehow manage to talk herself out of it and follow them up to kick them out before they made any break through with Blair. And leaving Chuck with Eleanor wouldn't be an option either, seeing as how well their conversation had gone the first time he tried to get up to see Blair that day.

The waiting had been brutal, but whatever had transpired in that room had definitely made a mark on Chuck because he returned looking more like himself than she'd seen in over a month. He even stood to the side with a slight _smirk_ on his face as he waited, definitely more patient than he'd been all evening.

They all snapped to attention when then finally heard the heels on the floor as Blair ascended the staircase.

"Blair, darling," Eleanor began, "are you absolutely cert—" She stopped talking when she saw that Blair had changed out of the frugal black and lace for a much more fun and youthful black and lace dress. It had small capped sleeves instead of the long all encompassing sleeves of the former dress. And instead of flowing down to mid-shin—an awkward cut for a girl her age—it was just a smidge above her knee, a much more acceptable outfit for a night out.

"You changed," Eleanor stated the obvious in bewilderment.

"I did," Blair nodded. She wanted to look at Chuck and give him a small smile, but her nerves were going crazy again now that she had left her room. It was all she could do not to turn around and race back upstairs.

She was ever so grateful for his reminder, though. 'Waldorf', he'd said. She _was_ a Waldorf, _Blair_ _Waldorf_. And she had been a prisoner to the fear in her mind in not only action, but also in fashion. If she was ever going to face her demons, she needed to stop letting them dictate her life especially as far as the way she dressed was concerned.

So she'd found a different dress. She hadn't gone for sleeveless because she just couldn't do it. And the neckline was extremely modest as well, but at least the dress was much more fashionable and didn't suit that funeral Chuck had referred to.

She _did_ make eye contact with Serena though. She felt awkward because the last time they'd been together—was it only yesterday?—Blair had kicked her out, telling her she didn't want to be friends ever again.

But Serena just gave her a reassuring smile and reached out to her.

Blair was in her arms in a second. The next best thing to racing upstairs to her room was racing into the arms of her best friend for a long, tight hug.

"I love you, B," Serena whispered softly, glad to feel Blair in her arms.

"Ready?" Chuck asked from behind the two best friends, slightly bemused. He knew it was only a matter of time before they made up. Serena had acted like it was the end of the world yesterday.

Blair nodded against Serena's shoulder and the friends parted. Serena held Blair's arm and escorted her toward the elevator.

The entire procession stopped when Blair came to a halt. "It's… chilly out, right?"

Eleanor immediately dashed down the hall. "I'll get you a sweater.""

Blair gave Chuck an apologetic look. He just gave her that reassuring smile from earlier.

At least she had changed the dress. That was a step in the right direction. Besides, it _was_ cold out. Maybe they could convince her to remove the sweater once they got to the party.

One step at a time, he reminded himself. Then he scoffed. He didn't even know what he was thinking. All he knew was that he hated to see Blair be so unlike herself.

That was one of the many things that he held against this unknown assailant. He had no business laying a hand on Blair in the first place. But he also had no business trying to take the essence of Blair, what made her so perfect and different and so beautiful. Chuck wasn't going to let that bastard take everything from her.

She was letting him back into her life, letting him show his support, and he _damn_ well was going to make sure Blair got through this as intact as possible.

He just needed to take care of this guy first.

* * *

The sweater had stayed.

Chuck hadn't said anything else about it, so Blair didn't feel bad about giving in to her discomfort. If she'd had her way, she probably would have brought along a pair of pants too… and maybe a hoodie. Anything to cover every single piece of skin.

She shook herself out of her musings. She needed to focus on the crowd, and not where the hem of her skirt stopped _right_ above her knee. She needed to stop telling herself she should have gone with the other dress.

At least then she wouldn't have gotten some of the attention she seemed to be getting. She saw some guy that she'd never met give her the once over. She cursed him, and then she cursed the dress for being a little too form-fitting. And she cursed her mother for not finding a longer sweater.

Serena felt Blair twitch at her side and looked at her friend to see if she might have finally spotted the guy.

Blair shook her head at Serena's unasked question, but glared across the room at the guy who had done nothing more than attempt to show her a little interest.

Serena followed her gaze and glared at the poor guy as well.

He turned away looking a little dazed and confused, probably wondering what he had done, and wondering if he was really as repulsive as the looks Serena and Blair were shooting him seemed to convey.

Chuck saw the entire exchange and almost laughed. Half the guys were going to leave tonight with deflated egos if the girls kept that up. He didn't care though.

He was trying to remain as relaxed as possible. He even held a glass of scotch in his hand, but the stuff hadn't passed his lips at all. It was more for appearances sake at that point. He was waiting for Blair to give the signal. That was all he was waiting for… he just needed to keep his impatience firmly in check.

It was becoming harder and harder as the night wore on. He was the host of the party, so he was continuously being interrupted by guests who came by to greet him. He was also going to ship Isabel and Kati off to Greenland to freeze their little asses off in style if they came up to him _one more time_ to harp about the Valentino's he'd promised them. Now that he wasn't using them to search out the guy, they were worried he wouldn't go through with getting the stupid dresses made for them.

He'd had to insist repeatedly that he was going to get the damn dresses, even though he was seriously re-thinking it by the time they came up to him a _fourth_ time to ask.

"Look," he said with the most annoyed look, "if you want the dresses, stay as far away from me as possible for the rest of the night! Otherwise, forget about—"

"We think we saw him!" the girls said giddily.

"What?" he said, all of a sudden standing up straight and looking around even though he knew he wasn't going to be able to recognize anyone if he tried. "Where?"

"There!" Kati said, pointing.

Chuck grabbed her hand and pulled it down quickly. "Don't point! Describe!" He didn't need the guy to get spooked if he noticed a group of people looking at him and pointing.

"By that side of the room," Isabel nodded toward the right side. He looked.

"See the guy with the short brown hair? He's talking to Molly, I think," Kati said.

"In the blue shirt," Isabel finished.

Chuck saw immediately who they were pointing at, and he felt everything inside of him go hot. He forgot to tell Blair and Serena where he was going. He forgot to double check with Blair to make sure it was even the right person. He forgot everything but his single-minded need to get across the room to his prey.

"Where is he going?" Blair asked Serena when she realized Chuck wasn't at her side any longer. He'd promised he wouldn't leave, and he'd stayed right there the entire night until now.

"I… don't know," Serena said, just as confused about Chuck's leaving as Blair was. He hadn't been standing _right_ next to Blair the entire night, but he never strayed that far away, not even when guest after guest came to him.

"S…" Blair said, suddenly feeling the fear spike inside of her. She could do this as long as she had Serena on one side and Chuck on the other, but Chuck's leaving was making her feel blindsided. The shivers almost shook her. "Make him come back."

"Blair, I'm not going to leave you," Serena said. She looked around. They were in their own private little corner. Sort of a VIP area Chuck had set up so that less people could bother them and the crowd wouldn't be on top of them the entire night.

"_No!_" Blair said quickly, clutching Serena's arm. "Don't leave. Just… call him back?"

"He'll be back in a minute, B," Serena said. "He's not going to hear a word I say over the music, no matter how loud I yell."

Blair nodded. She looked down and tried to focus on her Diet Coke that had been delivered to her in an unopened 20 oz bottle. She would take a small sip and try to stop feeling like someone was going to pounce on her any minute now from the side Chuck had vacated.

She took the sip and looked up, gazing around almost distractedly.

Then she saw him.

And she froze.

"Blair?" Serena asked when she felt Blair sink her fingers into her arm much too harshly.

When Blair didn't answer, Serena turned to look at her friend and gasped.

Blair's face was white as a sheet, and the look of fear on her face was almost painful to see.

"Where is he?" Serena asked, looking around frantically, trying to follow her gaze. She didn't need Blair to tell her that she'd spotted the guy. It was very obvious.

"Brown shirt," Blair managed to straggle out of her lips. "Over there… with that girl in last season's Prada."

Blair started shivering uncontrollably. "Where's Chuck? Where's Chuck?" she was getting really upset and couldn't hide the sob in her voice.

"Its okay, B," Serena said. "I'll keep watching him until Chuck gets back, okay? Don't look at him. _I'll_ watch him."

"Serena…" Blair said, as she continued to watch the guy. "We can't wait…"

"Yes, yes, we can," Serena nodded. "Shhh, it'll be o—" she broke off when she realized why Blair was saying they couldn't wait. "_Shit_!"

"He's leaving with her!" Blair stood up awkwardly.

They could both tell that the girl was barely moving on her own accord. She was completely out of it. There was no denying what had happened to her.

"B, you can't go, I'll go," Serena said, jumping to her feet.

"But… but…" Blair looked back in the direction that Chuck had been heading just in time to see him punch some guy in a blue shirt. "Oh my God!"

"Get Chuck," Serena insisted. "You can do it. I'll go after the girl." She prodded Blair forward.

Blair was frozen; she couldn't move. She was so scared and she couldn't think straight.

"_Blair!_" Serena yelled at her. "They're almost out the door! If I don't go now, you _know_ what's going to happen to her! _Go get Chuck! Now! Move it!_"

Blair nodded and her feet finally started to move. She could do this. She could go get Chuck. She would be walking _away_ from the guy. That was much better.

She just kept concentrating on Chuck as she went across the room. She sped up when the fight started heating up and 'blue-shirt' managed to connect his fist with Chuck's face.

She went right up to Chuck and pulled his arm, like he wasn't even in the middle of a fight. He yanked his arm away before he realized who was trying to get his attention.

"Serena's going after him," she said softly, but loud enough for him to hear.

"What?" Chuck said, looking around, confused.

"I saw him," she flinched. "He was with another girl. Serena's going after him." She nodded toward the exit.

Chuck glared at Kati and Is for half a second before he registered that _Serena_ was going after this guy on her own. He didn't even spare the wrong guy he'd just attacked a second glance. He took Blair's hand and went for the door.

Blair closed her eyes tight and let him lead her. The fear was clawing its way inside of her though, and she wanted to break away.

It was time to face the monster head on.

The fear and doubt combined inside of her again.

Images of that horrific night floated in front of her eyes.

Her insides were screaming at being led into the monster's presence.

Could she really do this? Could she face this?

And what… would happen when Chuck _did_ catch up to him?

She was about to find out…

* * *

_To be continued…_


	8. Chapter 8

**NOTE: FanfictionNET has added a Gossip Girl TV SHOW category. All of my completed works have already been moved there. I will keep the new ones on the Gossip Girl BOOK category until December 1st. After that, you need to make sure you check the TV SHOW listing if you don't alert me.**

* * *

This story takes place following the events of **A Thin Line Between Chuck and Nate**. Concepts for later episodes are fair game.

* * *

Given the extent of the situation, Serena was rather calm.

She was running away from Blair and Chuck and straight toward the guy who was responsible for raping her best friend.

As much as she wanted to make him hurt for everything he'd done to Blair, her first priority right now was to get that other girl away from the monster before he could do to her what he'd done to Blair.

She grabbed a beer bottle out of some guy's hand as she passed through the crowd, almost to the door. She heard the muffled "hey" behind her, but didn't even flinch. The guy could just get another beer. Besides, Serena was on auto pilot. She wasn't sure what she was doing, but she had to do _something_.

So she tilted the bottle upside down and let the remainder of the liquid spill all over the floor.

An empty beer bottle would be much more useful than a half full one.

When she arrived outside, she saw her quarry already pushing the girl into a cab. Cursing to herself, hoping she wouldn't be late, she turned the beer right side up and pretended she was drinking it as she swaggered up behind him.

"Headed my way?" she said dreamily, taking a hold of the outside of the car door frame before he could close it.

"Not really," he mumbled before looking up at the gorgeous blonde girl standing outside the car. She certainly put the other one he'd just picked up to shame.

"That's a s-s-shame," she said, with a pout, still not letting go of the door frame even though she wiggled backwards.

He slid back out of the car and stood up. "Don't I know you from somewhere?" She did look oddly familiar.

"Shush," she said shaking her head so that her blonde hair fell into her face—if he'd been watching Blair last week, he might recognize her from when she was sitting with her. "I bet you say that to all the girls."

"Not really," he shrugged, wondering how drunk she was. He'd never had two girls at once, but it could be fun. "On second thought, I think I _am_ heading your way."

"Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?" said a very slurred voice out the window before the girl dissolved into giggles.

He turned and leaned back down into the cab, "Just sit back and shut up."

"Now _that_, I'm sure you say to all the girls," she said before dragging the door toward her a little and slamming it shut on him.

She wasn't sure if she'd hit anything, but she knew she'd hit _some_thing. _Where the hell was Chuck?!_ She was hoping he'd get there before she had to go this far, but he wasn't there yet. Now the guy was howling.

Apparently she'd managed to hit his shoulder and side, and when he tried to stand up, he was still ducking inside the cab, so his head connected with the top of the door frame when he jerked.

He pushed the door wide open against the pain and glared at her. She jumped back before the door could hit her. She made her eyes go wide and innocent and forced a stumble. "Oops... I'm soo sorry," she slurred.

"Find another ride," he said, deciding to give up on picking up this girl too. He wasn't entirely certain she'd closed that door by accident, but if she was this accident prone, he didn't need to deal with it.

He turned and started to get back into the cab.

Serena looked around frantically, still not seeing Chuck leaving the party. He wasn't coming! Why wasn't he coming? She had to do something to make this guy stop… so she did the only thing she could think of…

And broke the beer bottle on his head.

He went down like a ton of bricks at the same time that she cried out. In the movies, it never looked like the hitter got hurt, but evidently she'd done something wrong because a piece of glass had just cut her hand.

She pulled the shard out before she scrambled to the other side of the cab and opened the door.

"Vat is you doing?" said the flabbergasted cab driver in heavily accented English.

"Saving you from a lawsuit," she spat out as she grabbed the girls' arm. "Come on sweetie, time to go back to the party."

"Party?" the girl said with hope in her voice as she struggled out of the cab. "I _love_ to party! Party hardy!"

"Yes, let's party," she said, dragging the girl around the back of the car. She flinched when the cab driver squealed off**;** probably wanting to get away from whatever bizarre stuff was going on. She could see some people on the street giving her weird looks and some people pointing at the guy on the sidewalk, but no one came over to offer their help or anything. _Figures._

She saw the guy on the ground starting to move. She looked to the doors of the party again and Chuck _still_ wasn't coming. She didn't know what to do. She had to get this girl away before the guy came to and went after them. There was no way she would be able to fight him with this girl hanging off her side… but if she went inside and the guy woke up, he could take off before they found out who he was…

She cursed before walking up to him and struggled to squat while holding the girl up. She managed to drag his wallet out of his pocket. When she stood up, she felt a surge of rage that she couldn't control just thinking about what this asshole had done to Blair, so she kicked him a couple times in the side for good measure, almost losing her balance with each kick.

She had to get the girl inside. At least she knew who the guy was now from his wallet. She could let the police handle everything. It was probably a good thing Chuck _hadn't_ come out. The guy would get away for now, but the police coming after him would be much better than Chuck.

* * *

Blair felt like she was walking through a daze. Chuck was holding her hand, dragging her behind him as he struggled to get through the throng of people.

He was going for the door.

The door that would take her outside…

And there _he_ would be.

The guy who'd done this to her.

The guy who'd drugged her.

The guy who'd used her.

The guy who'd invaded her life and made it a living nightmare.

The guy who'd taken all control and power she had over herself away.

And as much as she knew that she should be strong, as much as she knew that she had to go with Chuck because Serena was dealing with the monster by herself…

She couldn't do it.

"No," the word came out like a whisper. Chuck couldn't possibly hear it, or see her shake her head.

She stumbled along for another few steps, and then she saw how close they were to the front door. She froze.

She stopped walking, just came to a dead stop, shivering and shaking her head. "No…"

"Blair?" he turned back when he realized she wasn't moving. He saw how white she was and realized… she was scared to death. "You can do this…"

"No… no, no, no," she mumbled over and over, shaking her head. She didn't care that this was Chuck and she wasn't supposed to show him any fear. She didn't care that she was Blair Waldorf and backed down from no one. She couldn't see that monster again. It was too soon. "No, please, don't make me…"

"Blair, I'm not going to make you do anything," Chuck said, trying to fight back his panic. He had to get outside _now_. "I _have_ to go to Serena. She needs my help. _Our_ help. Come with me, Blair."

"No, you go," Blair said, pulling her hand away from his. "Go! I'll be right here."

"I'm not leaving you alone," he said, grasping her hand again.

"I'll be fine," she whispered. "Just go, go help Serena."

He shook his head, looking around frantically, trying to see if Serena had come back. "Come on, Blair. I won't let him hurt you ever again. Just come with me."

"Chuck!" Blair yelled, seeing something behind him.

"What the hell is your problem!"

Chuck had a split second to hear the angry words and Blair's scream before the guy he'd punched a moment ago slammed him up against the wall. _Shit._

"Case of mistaken identity," Chuck managed to mutter, getting more frustrated by the minute. He had to get to Serena _now_. What the hell was happening outside?

"Oh, really? And why shouldn't I return the favor right now?"

"Stop it!" Blair said from behind the guy, trying to pull on his arm to get him to let Chuck go.

"Fine, go ahead," Chuck sighed. "Just hit me and then go away."

The guy tried to hit him, but Blair had forgotten about her fear and decided to slam her heel down on the guy's foot. "Don't touch him!" Blue shirt guy hollered and jerked his foot away, cursing and hopping.

"Chuck! You stupid jerk! Where the hell were you?!" Serena's angry voice came from Chuck's other side.

"Where is he?" he asked, suddenly not giving a shit about any of the stuff going on around him. Serena was in front of him safe and sound, with a girl hanging off her arm.

"I thought Xena had brown hair," the girl slurred, staring at Serena in awe. "You kick ass like a brunette."

Serena paid her no mind. "I left him outside, he's probably gotten away by now but I've—"

Chuck didn't wait to hear the rest of what she had to say, he was already running for the door.

"Got his wallet!" she shouted after him. "Chuck! _No!_" but it was no use, Chuck was gone.

She had to go after him, but the girl was leaning more heavily on her now.

"Blair! Stop him!" she hollered to her best friend who was staring at some guy in a blue shirt holding his foot up and wiggling his shoe.

Blair looked in the direction Chuck had just gone and froze up a little. "I can't…" She shook her head. She knew that he was going after the monster. He probably figured she'd be safe with Serena.

"He's going to kill him!" Serena said, nearly groaning as the girl giggled and tried to bend over to look at Serena's shoes up close, exclaiming about "light patterns" and "juicy sounds". "Blair, do you really want Chuck to spend the rest of his life in jail!?"

Blair almost blanched, her face going white again.

She didn't want that. She needed Chuck, just like she needed Serena. She couldn't let Chuck do this for her. She couldn't…

"Stop him!" Serena insisted, struggling with the girl again.

Blair went running for the door. She had to stop Chuck. She just had to.

Serena breathed a sigh of relief, but wasn't sure if Blair would succeed. The words Georgina had screamed at her the last time she'd found herself in a sticky situation were running through her head. _"Take everything with you on it!"_

That was how she was going to save Chuck and Blair. That was how she was going to stop Chuck from killing someone, and protect Blair from the publicity.

She just needed to do something with the girl for a minute…

"Here, hold her for a sec," she said as she pushed the girl toward the blue shirted guy.

"Excuse me?" he said, his face no longer red from the pain of the heel imprint permanently branded on the top of his left foot. He caught the girl before she started to fall.

"What's your name?" Serena said, hurrying across the room with him following and dragging the girl.

"Robert," he replied jerkily, a bit stupefied. He didn't want this girl to be falling all over him. He didn't understand anything that had just happened in the past ten minutes, but he still owed that asshole a punch to the face—his jaw still hurt, not to mention his foot.

"Well, Robbie," Serena said as she grabbed her purse and dumped the contents out all over the table. "Someone's going to die if you don't help me, k?"

He hesitated and slowly nodded. She looked serious.

"Just take her," she said, nodding toward the girl, "by the doors. I'll be right there. I have one more thing I need to do."

He nodded followed her instructions. He didn't want to get involved with any of this, but he couldn't just drop the girl on the floor.

This was definitely one hell of a night.

* * *

"Chuck!" Blair called as she ran out of the building. She looked around and saw him down the street to the right, pulling the monster with him toward what could only be Chuck's limo. "Chuck, stop!"

The guy hadn't gotten away. He'd been standing up slowly when Chuck had made his way outside.

"Need a hand?" Chuck asked; his voice deadly soft.

The guy coughed and nodded. "Some bitch just hit me with a fucking beer bottle."

"I'll give you a lift," Chuck said before turning the guy abruptly, pressing his fingers deep into his shoulder. He wanted nothing more than to beat the shit out of this guy right now, but he had enough sense to know he had to get him away from spectators first. Attacking that other guy the way he had earlier, that had been the first time in a _long_ time that he'd reacted physically without thinking first. It wouldn't happen again—at least not until he was in more control of the situation.

The guy winced and jerked his shoulder away from the jabbing fingers. "Thanks, I got this."

"I insist," Chuck said through clenched teeth as he pushed the guy forward before walking up next to him.

"What the hell is this?" the guy said, stumbling forward, still discombobulated by the hit to his head.

"I'll explain everything in a minute," Chuck said, glancing over his shoulder when he heard his name being screamed. He wanted to stop, but he knew Blair didn't want to face this guy, and what he had in store for him… Blair and Serena probably wouldn't agree with anyway. "My limo is right up here."

Chuck walked faster, hearing the heels behind him, indicating that Blair was running down the street. He grabbed the door handle and shoved the guy inside quickly before hopping in behind him. He slammed and locked the door a split second before Blair arrived. She tried the door handle and banged on the window.

"Chuck! Stop! Don't do this!"

"Go!" he said swiftly to the driver before closing the limo divider.

He couldn't stand to look at Blair as she kept banging on the window and shouted for him to stop the car.

But he could look at the son of a bitch on the seat across from him—the one holding his head and looking at Chuck with some trepidation—yeah, he could definitely look at him.

Now if only he could get himself under control so he could deal with him properly.

* * *

"Chuck…" Blair whispered, watching the limo drive off.

She didn't want this for him. She wanted that monster to die more than anyone, but Chuck couldn't do it… he couldn't be the one responsible. He couldn't lose his life, his future, just because he wanted to seek vengeance for her… she couldn't let him do it.

But now, it seemed like it didn't matter what she wanted… he was gone. And he was probably going to slay the monster for her…

She felt tears rimming her eyes and she gasped, trying to catch her breath.

"Where is he?" Serena called from behind her.

Blair turned slowly and saw a sight that would have been humorous under any other circumstance.

Serena was struggling up the street with the girl from earlier leaning on her again. This time Serena had her purse, but it was bursting at the seams, and slightly out of shape. Serena seemed to be trying to drag the girl along while protecting the purse.

Blair glanced at the purse for a second before she explained. "He's gone. He got him. They're in the limo together."

Serena cursed.

Then she looked around and exclaimed, "Taxi!" She tried to hold up the hand holding the purse, but she nearly lost her balance. "Blair, help, we need to follow."

"How? He's already gone," Blair said dejectedly.

"Just get us a ride, B!" Serena exclaimed, completely frustrated. Here she was about to keel over, doing all she could to help Blair and save Chuck; and Blair couldn't do one little thing for her? Like hail a cab?

"Okay," Blair finally said before walking off the sidewalk and waving frantically. Miraculously, a taxi stopped almost immediately.

"Get in!" Serena exclaimed.

Blair got in quickly. Serena pushed the girl in, telling her to scoot over. Blair looked perplexed when Serena said something about going to a different "party". Then Serena got in, being extremely careful with her purse as she cradled it in her lap.

"What's with your purse?" Blair asked.

"Just go straight! Step on it," Serena yelled to the cabbie.

The guy looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "Destination?"

"Look, you want a tip? Double the fair?" Serena said, glaring at the man. "Just _drive!_"

"Yes, ma'am," he said before taking off.

"Try to call Chuck," Serena said. "He might answer if you call."

"I doubt it," Blair said, but she reached for her phone anyway. "He didn't stop the car when I told him to."

"We just need to try to get through," Serena said. "He might answer…" She prayed that he would. She knew how to end this. She just needed him to back off first.

"E. T. phone home!" the drugged girl said, giggling as she pretended to hold a phone to her ear.

"I hope so," Blair responded to Serena's words, while looking at the other girl oddly and listening to the phone ring.

* * *

Chuck studied the male across from him.

He didn't look like much, but he didn't look like someone who would have that big of a problem finding a date and would have to resort to something like drugging girls to get them to sleep with him either.

He had the brown hair Kati and Is said he would. And it wasn't long, and it wasn't short. It was a shaggy in between.

He had broad shoulders, one of which was probably slightly bruised from the pressure Chuck had exerted a few moments ago.

There was really nothing remarkable about this person.

Except he had a secret perversion that had ended up hurting someone Chuck cared about.

That would be the last mistake he ever made.

Chuck knew he was a heartbeat away from exploding. So, for the moment, he sat as still as possible, glaring at the trash across from him.

And then all the images that had been haunting him came back.

He had no details about the rape. He didn't know where it took place. He didn't know what exactly had happened to Blair other than actual intercourse.

Therein laid the problem with those word pictures flying through his head while he was in the middle of trying to regain his control…

His hand formed a fist and his body tensed.

_Control, Charles,_ he thought. _Control._

"What the…" the guy looked out the window as the limo merged into traffic.

Chuck didn't have to look; he knew what…or rather _who_… he was seeing.

_Blair._

The guy's face, perhaps, paled a little as his gaze shifted back from the girl standing in tearful frustration on the sidewalk to the hard and unyielding face of the guy who had just shoved him into a vehicle, virtually kidnapping him.

"Recognize her?" Chuck said softly, eyes flashing dangerously.

"Listen, I don't know what she said but—" he shifted on the seat and started making excuses.

He shut his mouth when Chuck held up a hand.

"Let me guess…" Chuck drawled. "She's lying?"

The guy sunk back when Chuck leaned forward a little in his seat, glaring with eyes that the guy would later swear weren't human.

He attempted to nod his head, but he knew he was fucked, and he knew that no matter what he said to this person, he wasn't going to believe any of the excuses.

"Or, maybe she wanted it?" Chuck murmured.

"Stop the car," he tried to demand with some fervor in voice, saying it loud enough that hopefully the driver heard. He started sliding down the seat toward the front of the limo, hoping to get away from those eyes that promised all sort of punishment.

"But she didn't want it, did she?" Chuck tensed even more than earlier, his body completely taunt.

"I didn't touch her!" he finally exclaimed.

Chuck stared at him for a long moment.

The guy felt his panic expand and then die down a little when Chuck's face relaxed a little, his lips quirking before forming a slow smirk. He didn't know what that expression meant, but it was better than the dead eyes… maybe the guy believed him…

Chuck looked away. He needed to breathe. He was losing his control again. He needed to wait for the right time and place, and in the back of his limo was not that time, nor that place.

The guy relaxed even more when Chuck looked away. He took the opportunity to slide back down the seat. Maybe he could convince him that he had nothing to do with the girl. At the very least, he'd be closer to the actual door, and could get out of the car before the maniac got a hold of him. He could just wait for a red light or traffic jam or something. This was New York City on a Friday night. Bound to happen any time now… he started to lean forward, closer to Chuck.

"Look, there's been a misunder—"

The guy was cut off when Chuck turned swiftly back toward him and slammed a fist into his mouth, _hard_.

He wasn't expecting it, and the force of the blow actually made him fall backwards on the seat. He didn't have a chance to blink or clutch his mouth to make sure all the teeth were still there before Chuck was on him, throwing his control out the window. He hit him again in the face before he wrapped his hands around his neck and squeezed hard.

The guy struggled for all he was worth, trying to get air and push Chuck off him at the same time, but nothing was working and he was weakening.

Chuck finally registered what he was doing and that it wasn't part of the plan when his cell phone started ringing.

He stopped squeezing and backed off a little before grabbing the guy by his shoulders and pushing him off the seat and onto the floor of the vehicle.

The guy was just grateful to be able to breathe, and started gasping for air. He was attempting to roll over when a foot came down on his stomach, hard, holding him in place.

He looked up to see his tormenter, looming above him, bent forward a little because of the top of the limo preventing him from standing up further, pulling his cell phone out of his pocket to read the caller ID, all while holding his foot firmly in place.

Chuck took one look at the number, saw that it was Blair, and turned off the ringer. He couldn't talk to her right now. He had just reacted badly. He couldn't stand here and talk to Blair without wanting to go back to strangling her rapist and not stopping this time.

He pushed his phone back into his pocket and looked at the filth beneath his foot.

"Don't lie to me," Chuck murmured. "We both know you touched her. And we both know you're going to pay for that."

"No! I swear," the guy gasped. "I didn't—"

Chuck shook his head before shifting backwards. He pulled his foot back and slammed it forward into the guy's groin.

He screamed like a girl and tried to squirm away from Chuck, but he was having none of it. Chuck held his foot in place, pressing down hard.

"I don't want to hear any excuses," Chuck said, gritting his teeth. "I don't want to hear any lies; I don't want to hear anything. I don't even want to know your _name_. It doesn't matter." Chuck leaned further down, making the guy yelp as his foot smashed his groin even more.

"You won't last the night," Chuck whispered.

The guy's eyes went wide. Until this very moment, he only thought that he was going to get the shit kicked out of him. He might lose a few teeth, get a couple of broken bones, be rather sore or possibly walk with a limp for awhile… oh, and possibly wind up in jail. But that wasn't this guy's intent.

"So, what," he managed to spit the words out through the pain wracking his body, "you're gonna _kill_ me?" He attempted to snort, showing that he didn't believe the other guy's words. "Yeah, right."

Chuck's eyes when flat as his mind went to a different thought for a moment, but he flashed back to reality almost immediately.

The guy saw the look on Chuck's face and knew deep down that he wasn't joking or making empty threats. He really wanted to kill him.

"It wasn't supposed to go down like that! It was supposed to be easy!" he said desperately, trying to plead for his life but not lying about being responsible anymore. "Shit, its LSD man, the girls get a trip to la-la land and I get to do whatever I want. None of them _ever_ had a bad trip before, and if they remember—which almost never happens—they usually had a good enough time that they don't blow a whistle or anything!" Though he was fairly certain none of them ever remembered him.

"But she didn't _have_ a good time, did she?" Chuck said. He felt a huge flash of anger and took the opportunity to tilt his foot to the side, relieving the pressure on the guy's groin for half a second, before smashing his foot down again and grinding all his junk together as he slid his foot sideways across his groin.

"_STOP!!!!!!_" he screamed and tremors of pain raced through him and his stomach started to revolt. "You son of a bitch!"

"_Did she!_" Chuck snapped, shifting his foot to grind across in the other direction.

"Fuck no, she didn't!" the guy finally spat out through his teeth, tears streaming from his eyes at the pain. "She fought me like a wild cat! And you know what, you asshole? She screamed and she cried and, damn, was that hot!"

Chuck froze.

"All she had to do was lay still, but not _your_ girl," he kept going, running off at the mouth now, not even sure why he was doing it, just knowing that he needed the torture to end, but if he could torture this guy a little with his words, that would make him feel better too. "She wanted to fight. I got off in her twice," he smirked as he explained exactly how he'd claimed her. "Did she tell you that? The second time wasn't as hot though. She'd lost a lot of the fight by then. You might want to work with her on that."

Chuck saw red.

* * *

"He won't answer!" Blair cried as she hung up the phone.

"Well, text him!" Serena exclaimed. "Tell him I have it all figured out! Tell him we can put an end to this!"

"Can we?" Blair said, disbelievingly, as she opened up the phone again and began texting furiously.

"There!" Serena had been looking through the windows, trying to spot the car. It wouldn't have gotten too far. "Follow _that_ limo!" she ordered the cabbie.

The man shrugged and did as she insisted, though he was curious about everything. This was sort of like something that happened in the movies. After a boring night of his usual fares, some entertainment was in order.

**C, please stop the car. S can fix everything. Just stop. Please. B**

She hit send and tried to calm down as she waited for a reply or a call.

"Nothing!" she said, feeling even more lost and helpless after a minute passed in the most dreadful silence.

"Keep trying," Serena said as she took out her own cell phone and tried to call and text him too.

"What is this big plan of yours anyway?" Blair asked, closing her eyes in frustration.

"Where's my shoe?!" the girl between them suddenly shrieked. She had been laying back and staring at the ceiling with her mouth dropped open.

"Not now," Serena sighed as the girl started wiggling in her seat and raised a leg to look at her foot, almost falling sideways onto Serena. Serena pushed her back up to a sitting position and jerked the leg away from the girl's clumsy fingers, forcing her to put her foot back on the floor like a normal person.

"Why did you have to bring her along anyway?" Blair said as she opened her phone to text Chuck again. "You saved her. She doesn't need to be here."

"Yes, she does," Serena said, exasperated when the girl flung her leg up across Serena's lap and giggled. "Unfortunately, we're going to need her."

**C! Answer me! Call me! Please! B**

"For what?" Blair asked, mumbling as she stared at her phone, willing it to ring.

"To put that bastard away for a long time."

* * *

Chuck leaned back against the leather seat, trying to catch his breath, shaking a little, knowing he shouldn't have lost control like that. He couldn't help it though… the things the guy had said about Blair… and…

_Your girl_… that's what he'd said.

Yeah, Blair had been his girl alright, and look what he'd done to her. He'd set her up and watched her fall. When she had nothing left, he turned her away too.

No matter what Blair had said earlier that day, he _was_ to blame for this happening to her.

_Your girl_…

No one was watching out for her. No one was protecting her. She would never admit to that though. She would insist that she could take care of herself… and usually she was a force to be reckoned with… but how could she possibly have prevented this? She couldn't have. Because this was _his_ fault. If he hadn't sent that text, if he hadn't turned her away, if he had just told Nate the truth months ago, if he hadn't ruined things with Blair to begin with…

He clenched his eyes shut. _Screamed… cried… twice… fight… your girl._

He didn't want to think about _his_ girl, _his_ Blair, going through any of that.

At least now he didn't have to be haunted by all the different 'what ifs' about how everything had gone down between Blair and the human stain on the floor. Now he knew more than he had ever wanted to know. Part of him wished that she had been one of those girls who took their nice normal trip on the drug. Part of him wished she didn't remembered any of it.

He just wanted to take it all away from her. Fix things. Make it right.

But he couldn't. All he could do was get angry and seek revenge against bastard who was stupid enough to think he could get away with this.

Chuck also couldn't help but feel as though this was karma coming back on him and being taken out on Blair… but, he needed to stop that thought completely before he drove himself insane.

He may have flirted and pressured a girl into drinking more, like he'd done with little Jenny Humphrey earlier that year, but none of the females he was with _ever_ left unsatisfied or hurt. Hell, most of them wanted him anyway, so it had come as a surprise and a bit of a blow when Jenny wouldn't give it up. He would have probably given up before things went further even if Dan and Serena hadn't shown up. He hadn't plied her with enough alcohol, and a fighting girl only made things more difficult anyway.

_Fought like a wildcat…_

He wanted to beat the shit out of the waste of space on the floor again just thinking about Blair screaming and fighting, thinking about Blair crying and hoping someone would show up and help her—make it stop—and no one ever came, no one, not a best friend, not a boyfriend, not a parent, not a Prince Charming, no knight in shining armor. No matter how clichéd that sounded, it was how her mind worked. She'd always dreamed of fairy tales and happily ever after, of love and romance. Things he would have just snorted at because he had never believed in any of it.

Would _she_ ever believe in any of it again?

"Well, we might have a problem with the plan now."

Chuck looked toward the window where the divider was open and the driver was talking to him, looking at him through the rearview mirror.

Chuck wanted to glare at the miscreant, but the guy had a point.

Chuck had given Arthur the evening off. Tonight's driver had been bought and paid for in helping with the evening's disposal.

"Is he alive?"

Chuck honestly didn't know. He finally looked at the floor of the limo. The face was hardly recognizable at the moment and the body was definitely still.

But, no, there was a slight movement of his chest. He was still breathing.

For the moment anyway

Chuck gave the driver a curt nod.

"That's something," the driver said. "We're almost there. Still going ahead with it?"

Chuck stared at the mess on the floor again, barely registering the vibration of the phone in his pocket.

_Your girl…_

"Yes," he replied simply.

* * *

"Did he just…" Serena murmured as she saw the path the limo was going.

"Morningside…" Blair murmured too, and shuddered.

In the light of day, Morningside Park was as friendly as Central Park… but late at night… everyone knew not to walk alone through a dark park with lots of trees and bushes for anyone up to no good to hide in. Morningside was on the Upper West Side, adjacent to Columbia University. It used to have a reputation for high crime and drugs. The City had done a lot to clean it up in recent years… but everyone still knew not to take any chances at night… and the ones who did… it was a chance they might not ever get to take again… and if the victim were female, well, they would never be the same…

… something Blair could attest to.

"Miss?" the cabbie asked when the limo turned down Morningside Drive. Even he wasn't anxious to be in these parts at this time of night.

Serena gulped and looked at Blair.

They both knew the only reason Chuck would come here.

Blair gripped her phone tighter.

He must have had this all planned, she couldn't help but think. Chuck hadn't thrown that party just to identify her rapist. Serena was right. Chuck was really going to take matters into his own hands.

"Keep following," Serena commanded, but her voice wasn't as strong.

Her eyes met Blair's across the back seat and it didn't take years of being best friends' for them to tell that they were both sufficiently freaked out.

"Miss?" the cabbie asked again, but this time because the limo had pulled to the side of the road up ahead. He didn't know whether to stop or keep going. They were still a ways down the road; his hesitation at entering the area had given the limo a little leeway.

"Stop the cab!" Serena said quickly. It didn't matter if Chuck saw them or not. They weren't trying to follow Chuck and not be seen. They _wanted_ to be seen, and they wanted to put an end to this insanity.

It was so dark, the only thing they could really make out up ahead was the taillights of the vehicle and the occasional lamp post along the sidewalk.

The cab driver took his damn sweet time pulling up behind the other vehicle, and Serena was wrestling with all the items she was carrying, trying to get to her wallet.

"Here," Blair said, pushing double the fare and an extra bonus to the man. "I got it, just go."

No sooner had Serena opened the door and started dragging the nearly incoherent girl prattling on about fairies out of the back seat, when the limo pulled off.

Serena's mouth dropped open and she swore. Blair sighed and scooted back into the vehicle. "Hurry up, S, get back in!"

"Wood fairies!" the high girl sang out, giggling and pointing to the trees. "Can they hear me?" she lowered her voice to a whisper, gravely, looking at the blonde who'd been guiding her around most of the night.

Serena looked to the woods and her gaze hardened when she spotted a familiar suit flash by. "He must have spotted us or known we were following. He probably sent the limo away to send us on a wild goose chase, make us think he was still in it, when he actually got out to take care of him here. That basshole!"

"That's my word," Blair muttered as she nudged the girl out of the back seat again.

Serena yanked the girl to her feet, though she was still careful of her purse. Blair scampered out, slamming the door shut, and the girls hurried as best they could.

"Chuck!" Serena hollered.

"Bass!" Blair called.

They kept going, yelling as loud as they could, not caring if it alerted anyone to their presence. There were three of them, plus Chuck, and two were so desperate that anyone looking for trouble with them would pay dearly for even trying to interfere.

Fortunately no one came to bother them. Unfortunately, that meant Chuck too.

"Where is he?!" Serena almost screeched at Blair.

She was panicking, more and more by the minute. She didn't know when it had happened, but somewhere in the course of forced family dinners, sibling-like squabbles, and their combined efforts to help Blair—not to mention they already had a history of being friends since he started hanging with Nate—she'd begun to actually think of him as a brother.

She had tried _so_ hard to prevent this from happening. She'd seen the look on his face when the cops confirmed the extent of Blair's attack. She'd seen the glint in his eyes as he blamed himself for everything, even though he never said the words aloud. She'd seen the hurt on his face when she lied to him—telling him that Blair wasn't attacked; that it was consensual.

It had taken all she had to lie convincingly to him, but she had known it was the right thing to do because… well, Gossip Girl had said it… _Hell hath no fury like a Chuck Bass scorned_. She just knew he wouldn't be able to stop from taking action. She had tried to deny that his intention for throwing the party tonight was for any other reason than to search and decimate.

She tried to tell herself that the party was just to _find_ the attacker. She tried to tell herself that she could handle Chuck's fury and Blair's fear.

She had to admit, she'd chosen the wrong time to live in Blair's land of delusion.

And now, she felt fear herself… because this was her step-_brother _(well, almost), and he was about to commit an act that could destroy him forever. She could care less what happened to the other guy… but they had all been so lost already, she didn't want to lose him forever.

"Chuck! You fucking Bass!" Serena screamed.

They were near the waterfalls now, and even though she screamed, her voice was drowned out slightly by the sound of the rushing water. Or, so they thought.

"Trying to wake the dead?"

The girls spun around, startled, relieved, and filled with dread, to see Chuck standing behind them.

"The Fairy King!" the third girl squealed, taking the opportunity to genuflect since the blonde girl let go of her.

"Not quite," Blair said softly out the side of her mouth, unable to refrain from answering as the relief at finding Chuck raced through her system.

"That's not funny," Serena snapped at him. Then she realized that his words might mean more than they thought. "Oh my God, Chuck, please tell me you didn't…"

He shook his head. He turned to the side and glanced at the path he'd just come from: the Sellgman Fountain.

"Oh, thank God," Blair said as she raced up to him. "I knew you wouldn't do it! Serena seems to think…"

She trailed off when she saw his face. It was his eyes that did it. She knew him; she knew his schemes, his expressions, and probably his thoughts even before he had them sometimes because they knew each other _that_ well. This expression she did not know. But from the lack of emotion, the deadness of his eyes, she felt a flash of fear for him.

"Chuck?" she murmured.

He wouldn't answer her. He was having a hard time even looking at her.

So he looked to the left of her, almost staring off into space as he addressed Serena. "So, van der Woodsen, what's this plan you have to _save_ everyone?" Disgust and mockery dripping from his voice, the idea of saving the bastard who touched Blair was not sitting well with him, but he understood somehow that Serena was trying to save him and Blair and didn't really care about the other.

"Exactly what I told you at the hospital," Serena said firmly. "Let the _police_ handle this."

He scoffed. He knew, and he thought Serena knew, _that_ was impossible. Word would get out and everyone would know what happened to Blair, making it even worse for her.

"No," Serena shook her head, knowing his exact argument. "Look," she said, bringing her purse up and struggling to get the zipper down. "I've got the girl," she nodded at the drugged girl who was now sitting on the grass at Serena's feet, staring at the waterfall in awe. "I've got the glass," she said as she finally got the purse open. "I've even got the liquid," she had really gotten creative on that one. She had to dump out her entire mini-gloss hair spritzer, barely missing Robbie's feet, before pouring the alcohol into the spritzer.

Chuck looked at her dubiously.

"Don't look at me like that!" Serena blanched. "She was drugged," she cried, pointing to the girl on the ground. "We've got fingerprints from the glass, proof from the alcohol and _her_! _You_ have the one responsible! Just call back the limo, we'll all go to a hospital, get her looked at! We won't bring Blair's name up at all. No one will have to know _anything_ about Blair, but at the same time, he can get arrested for what he tried to do to… to…" she trailed off, just shaking her head in frustration. She didn't know the other girls' name and it seemed sort of fruitless to ask in her current state.

"Have you been watching CSI reruns?" he asked. "Because that is just ridiculous, not to mention, it will never work!"

"_Chuck!"_ she huffed. "Blair, talk some sense into him!"

Blair was still standing near him, still a little disturbed from everything she was seeing and feeling from him. She thought Serena's idea was a little convoluted and doomed to fail—after all, it wasn't like the girl was raped.

"Blair?!" Serena almost shrieked when her best friend didn't reply.

"I'll press charges," Blair finally said softly.

Chuck's head snapped to her at the words, while Serena's mouth dropped open a little.

Chuck shook his head at her. "No, absolutely not."

"I will," Blair said, feeling like her insides were on fire, her stomach in knots. She would rather die than press charges… but she couldn't let Chuck do this… he didn't need to take care of her this way, though she appreciated his show of loyalty. "I'll do it. I don't need you to protect me anymore. I can do this, I swear."

Chuck stared at her, understanding the words but not comprehending how they could be coming out of her mouth. Then he figured it out. She was saying it for _him_. She was trying to protect _him_, just like Serena had tried last week with her lie.

_No_, there was no way he was going to allow her to do it just to protect him.

"What did you _think_ would happen when you IDed him, Blair?" he asked. "I know you; you will never press those charges. You're only saying this because _you_ are trying to protect _me_, and _I_ don't need _you_ to."

Blair shook her head. "I'll do it! Tonight! Let's just go!" She grabbed his arm, pulling at him. "Please, Chuck."

He pulled his arm away and shook his head. "You two just… just go. I'll handle this. Just keep your yaps shut."

"Do you really think no one saw you leave with him?" Serena asked, desperate now. "And if Blair says she'll do it, she will. Just listen to us. He'll get punished for what he did!"

"Not enough…" he muttered.

"Chuck…" Blair murmured.

"Just go," he said softly, eyes flashing.

"No, we're not leaving," Serena insisted. "You can't kill him! Did you hear me? _Kill_ him? Let's just put the words out there, you know?"

"Why not?" he asked simply.

Serena sputtered. "Be-be-because it's wrong! People don't just go around taking other peoples' lives. That's why we _have_ the authorities, to deal with people like him. He's sick and he deserves to suffer, and he _will_. But you don't need to be the one to do it."

"Yes," he nodded gravely. "I do."

"No," Blair snapped firmly. "I'll do it."

"No, you won't," Chuck denied.

"No, I mean, I'll _do_ it," Blair reiterated. "I'll kill him. Why should you get to do it? I'll do it. Let me do it."

Chuck snorted. "Yeah, right." Blair may be amazing at scheming and destroying people, but she wasn't a very physically violent person... minus hair pulling and foot stomping. In fact, didn't she mention something to him once before about loving all of God's creatures?

"Lead the way!" Blair said, throwing a hand in the distance to the direction Chuck had looked earlier. "Whatever the plan is, I'll do it."

Serena looked back and forth between them, not knowing if Blair was just trying to call Chuck's bluff or if she really was going to do it.

"Wait!" Serena yelled. "I'll do it! Okay? If you won't turn him in, let me kill him!"

"You can't be serious," Chuck looked from her to Blair, not knowing whether to laugh or not. "Please, stop. You both know neither of you can do this."

"Yes, I can," Serena insisted. She felt a little flushed, and she though she would rather not admit what happened last year, she decided now was the time. "I've done it before."

Chuck laughed while Blair snapped her head toward Serena in shock.

"I'm not kidding," Serena said, taking a step forward. "_That's_ why I left last year, not because of Nate," she looked at Blair. "You should let me do this because I've _already_ killed someone."

"So have I."

Blair and Serena whirled to look at Chuck.

Chuck looked away. He wasn't going to tell them that he'd killed his mother. He hadn't meant to do it, but he'd done it just the same. She would have been better off if he'd never been born… literally. He figured if he could kill his own mother, he'd have no problem killing Blair's rapist.

"Well, that's just great," Blair said sarcastically. "Now I just feel left out. You're going to _have_ to let me do it. Next week it'll be Nate's turn, or whatever. The friends that slay together, stay together," she joked even though she was definitely not laughing.

Chuck just shook his head. "Both of you just go home." He reached in his pocket for his phone. "Do you need me to call you a taxi?" He looked at his phone, waiting for them to respond.

"No," Serena said, crossing her arms across her chest. "As far as I'm concerned this conversation was pointless anyway. We're not going to let you kill him, and we're not going to leave so you _can_ do it. We're staying right here with you. We'll stay all night if we have to. Seriously, you should have planned this better. If you had stayed hidden, we never would have found you out here and you could have just taken care of everything without us bothering you. I think, maybe, you _wanted_ us to stop you. Is that it, Chuck? Because we _will_."

Blair's brows furrowed. She looked at the way Chuck was holding his phone—not poised to call, but looking at the screen as if he was expecting something. She replayed Serena's words in her head and then she looked in the direction that he'd indicated earlier.

They'd just assumed that he must have knocked the guy out, tied him up, or something… that Chuck had just walked away for a minute to deal with them before returning to finish him off… but that didn't make any sense. What if the guy came to? Chuck wouldn't risk him getting away…

"You were stalling…" she realized.

Chuck wouldn't look at her, still keeping his eyes on his phone.

"What?" Serena asked hesitantly.

"You thought we would see you get out of the limo because we were so close behind. You _wanted_ us to see you. You knew we were following you. But we didn't see you at first. Then we did, and we thought you wanted to send us after the limo so you could take care of things here. That's why we followed you instead of the limo. But… we should have followed the limo, right?" Blair figured it all out.

Chuck just stared at his phone.

"What are you talking about?" Serena asked, confused.

"He isn't here," Blair snapped. "Chuck left him in the limo. He's been stalling this entire time."

"Congratulations, Waldorf," Chuck said, giving an emotionless smirk. He knew they'd figure it out sooner or later. It had worked rather well. He hoped all was going well with his man. He was to receive a phone call once the deed was done.

"Chuck!" Serena dropped her purse, not caring about the contents anymore, and went to him, grabbing his arm. "What have you done?!"

"Stop this," Blair said, walking forward and putting a hand to his cheek. "Make the call, end this now."

Chuck's eyes were burning a hole into his cell phone.

He was torn.

He wanted the sonofabitch to die.

He deserved to die.

But Serena said to leave justice to the authorities.

Blair didn't want him to kill the guy either.

More than anything, he just wished none of this had ever happened.

And he knew that a lot of his anger was at his _own_ self too.

He just couldn't stop blaming himself.

And that sonofabitch had hurt Blair; more than hurt… he'd changed her life forever.

Blair would never be the same.

Chuck would never be the same.

He didn't care what was right or wrong at this moment. He cared about revenge. He cared about avenging Blair.

He just felt… so lost.

Funny how this entire thing started with Serena's frantic call…

"_I lost Blair!"_

And Blair _had_ been lost, was _still_ lost, but maybe he could give her a reason to breathe easier again. Maybe he could give her a reason to still believe in Prince Charming. He wanted to fix this for her, but maybe he was being selfish… maybe he was so preoccupied trying to make this guy pay for Chuck's guilt that he wasn't thinking straight…

People _had_ seen him leave with the other guy. When he showed up dead—if he ever _did_ show up—questions would be asked, and it might get back to Chuck.

And where would Blair be then?

He had to be there for her. That was more important than anything else…

But if he didn't have the guy killed, would he just go free? Would Blair really press charges against him? Or would Serena's CSI skills really work?

He passed the phone to Blair.

She took it, raising an eyebrow.

"If you want to end this, hit Send. Call him off," he whispered. "This is your decision. Whatever you want to do, it's up to you."

She looked at the phone, looking a little pale, frozen, unsure.

"If he calls first, that means it's already done," he explained.

Blair sucked in a breath. Why did this all have to come down to her? She was all for his death as long as Chuck wasn't the one to do it. But… could _she_ do it?

"Blair, what are you waiting for?" Serena insisted. "Call!"

But Blair wasn't listening.

The decision had been placed firmly in her hands. It was up to her now.

It was fitting.

It had all come down to _her_ choosing his fate.

Everything she'd attempted to avoid all week—the flashbacks, the nightmares—all flooded back.

She'd rather live in a world without him in it.

She didn't want to open herself up to the humiliation waiting if word got out if she were to press charges.

She didn't want him to go free either.

Free to do what? Hurt more girls? Take something from them that he had no right to?

So, it all came down to two options.

Either call the hit man, put a stop to it, and then press charges…

Or… don't call. Just let everything play out the way Chuck envisioned.

Wait for the confirmation that it was over.

What was she supposed to do?

She looked at her best friend—frantic, perfect Serena. Would she ever forgive her if she didn't make the call?

She looked at Chuck… she knew what he wanted her to do. Deep down, he wanted this guy gone. It was just his slow-growing conscious playing a trick on him that made him pass the phone off to her in the first place.

But… it didn't matter what they wanted.

What did _she _want?

The clock was ticking.

Soon the option would be made for her.

Her thumb traced the 'Send' button.

Just one little nudge…

Just one little…

She took a deep breath and looked into Chuck's eyes. Her own were wide, silently asking him if it'll be okay if she hit the button. He nodded.

"Whatever you want," he whispered. "I'm not going anywhere."

Blair's eyes filled with tears. He was going to support her no matter what she decided. She didn't even need to look at Serena because she knew without asking that Serena would be there for her.

Armed with her two friends from childhood, she could get through everything, right? The public humiliation… she'd gotten through her father's scandal, hadn't she?

If she testified, maybe she could prevent this from ever happening again to another girl…

She stared into Chuck's eyes once more.

And she finally hit 'Send'.

* * *

_The End._


End file.
